I'm Thinking of going with a friend. Constantly seeing other people in relationships is annoying me.
I feel as thought i'd like to meet a nice girl but is speed dating the way to go?
Put the internet to work for you.
When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Is Speed dating productive or a waste of time?
I enjoy bullying people.
I do not know why but I regard most people who are not members of my family or friends as simply pieces of trash who I can freely bully. Particularly if they are also taking A levels. I do not know when I get to university later this year once I have finished my A level exams, if I will continue to bully people there. However, for now, I just get such a thrill from bullying people and making sure they have a bad day. Does anyone else feel like this?
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What's so good about this kind of lifestyle?
My boyfriend and his two good mates,a guy and a girl, of whom are also a couple, are complete stoners in my opinion. They all work full-time, but in the evenings they just smoke joint after joint, and I don't understand it.
They don't live far from us, and every time I have been,their flat is an absolute pigsty. It is absolutely horrific, and I think they should be ashamed of themselves.
We've just spent NYE with them, and I had made an effort to do my hair etc. and put on a nice outfit, so I felt like a bit of a fool when I arrived and the girl was in pyjamas and hadn't even washed her hair.
As the night went on, the conversation dropped more and more because they were stoned as hell, it was just like sitting with a bunch of zombies. It's not the first time either. It's not like they have the occasional joint, they smoke it every single night and have done for a long time, and seem to have no intention of quitting.
I just cannot understand it. We are all in our early 20s, in good enough health, and they could really do better as people. Should I say something? Does it sound like they're addicted? Thanks in advance and sorry if I sound judgmental.
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Trying to make amends, no longer know what to do....
I'm sorry in advance, but this is a long one. My wife and i have been married for 16 years, but about the last 7 have been a nightmare.
We've always got on really well, she's been the love of my life, but as with most people in relationships our sex life began to dwindle. Her libido always declined faster than my expectations, it became a real bone of contention between us causing lots of arguments. I kept asking her what I needed to do to help us, she would always say x or y, id do whatever she asked and nothing would change or improve. She told me to not talk about it as she felt under pressure, I stopped raising it, it just meant we had sex even less. Nothing I could do helped. It wasn't just sex though, she pulled away physically and emotionally from me, it began to feel like we were just good housemates. This all slid over a number of years.
We did have children (we actually have 3), but we were blessed with really easy conceptions! So our sex life dwindled to practically nothing less than ten times a year for a few years. I felt talking about it was pointless, nothing changed or improved and it just led to arguments. Anyway, one day I stumbled into a chat room and got talking to various people, I connected with a woman. Just texting nothing in the real world. I'd go hot and cold on her, stopping and starting as I knew it was wrong. She got fed up, she wanted to meet, I refused it all ended. I then started flirting with some other women on text, to me it was nothing serious, just fun, a release from my increasingly broken marriage in terms of intimacy. I knew what I was doing was wrong but didn't know what else to do…I was stupid. I saw it as escapism, not cheating, as I never did anything physical with anyone. As I've read more since then I have realised I was wrong, it was the trust that I broke with my wife.
Anyway, in 2010 my wife discovered my texts. My/our world imploded. We talked lots about it, really sensible conversations about how we both felt and what we wanted. I felt really positive, like maybe, just maybe we could turn a corner and make things good. She said she needed time to rebuild trust in me and she didn't know how long that would take. Completely understandable to me.
I have always said I would do anything to repair our marriage. We tried counselling, but after a couple of sessions my wife said it was useless as they don't understand what is going on in our lives so she refused to try any more. Things would get a bit better, but I would get frustrated that whilst I was trying to make things work I felt no effort from her. All I said from her was that I wanted to feel loved, apart from sex, she never showed any interest in my life, never said she loved me, we never kissed, we never cuddled etc. Nothing in any of those dimensions got better.
When we argued things got worse, arguments more heated. But things did gradually improve for a few months in 2012 and we even had sex once. Then another argument came along, to be honest an irrational one and she ignored me for a whole week, wouldn't talk to me about anything. I had a business trip one day which I didn't tell her about as she wasn't talking to me, later that week she saw a transaction on my credit card statement and queried it. I explained I'd been on a day trip and as she ignoring me and it didn't impact her day I didn't tell her, she said I had destroyed the trust again (as I could be up to anything) and everything fell apart again.
We continued to bumble along, then in 2013 one of our children fell ill in a serious way. Obviously the focus became her, but as she began to overcome the worst of the illness by the end of 2013 I was really looking forward to 2014. But the year started with some horrible arguments. She said that she felt under pressure still, I decided not to talk about anything bad that was going on in our relationship for the rest of the year (unless she wanted to), I just tried to focus on the positives. We had a few conversations during the year and she sounded more positive but nothing really changed she's still distant and remote.
To cut a long story short, we're still drifting, nothing has improved. I still desperately want to try to make it work not only because I love her but for our children too. She says she wants to make it work too, but I see nothing to suggest she is trying, she just comes back to saying she needs time. I'm not allowed to touch her, if I do she moves away (so no holding hands, no cuddles), we never go out on dates apart from a rushed meal from time to time after something to do with the school, every night she sits on a sofa opposite me. The extent of our physical relationship is a quick kiss on the lips goodnight.
She used to say that she was concerned that if I didn't get what I wanted I'd just walk out. I said I never would just walk out on her and the kids and that if I ever felt it wasn't working I would tell her so. At the end of 2014 I muted for the first time that we had to fix it, for if we didn't, our marriage could only go one way. Which from my perspective is true, I never gave us a deadline to fix it, she then turned that into how I was blackmailing her into doing what I wanted for our relationship. That wasn't my intention, it was just me trying to be open and honest with her, I feel that our marriage is unsustainable.
The problem is I don't know what to do, she says she can see I've been making an effort. I genuinely try to give her whatever she wants (clearly I'm failing, but im doing what she asks). We do have a good lifestyle, nice holidays when she wants we also moved house because she wanted too. I've read a lot over the last 5 years (5 languages of love and a few others), I've suggested in the past that she should but she refuses, apparently they're a waste of time as they can't be applied to our circumstance. She continues to refuse to consider counselling.
I don't feel that I can do much more, it feels like she's not trying to help us and that she's just waiting on some divine intervention that is going to change things. I feel that we both have to try to save us, but I feel that I am alone in doing so. I knew it would take some time to get over what I did, never in my wildest dreams did I think it would take this long.
So why am I writing this? I don't know, to get some thoughts and perspectives from others on our situation. Thanks for reading.
We've always got on really well, she's been the love of my life, but as with most people in relationships our sex life began to dwindle. Her libido always declined faster than my expectations, it became a real bone of contention between us causing lots of arguments. I kept asking her what I needed to do to help us, she would always say x or y, id do whatever she asked and nothing would change or improve. She told me to not talk about it as she felt under pressure, I stopped raising it, it just meant we had sex even less. Nothing I could do helped. It wasn't just sex though, she pulled away physically and emotionally from me, it began to feel like we were just good housemates. This all slid over a number of years.
We did have children (we actually have 3), but we were blessed with really easy conceptions! So our sex life dwindled to practically nothing less than ten times a year for a few years. I felt talking about it was pointless, nothing changed or improved and it just led to arguments. Anyway, one day I stumbled into a chat room and got talking to various people, I connected with a woman. Just texting nothing in the real world. I'd go hot and cold on her, stopping and starting as I knew it was wrong. She got fed up, she wanted to meet, I refused it all ended. I then started flirting with some other women on text, to me it was nothing serious, just fun, a release from my increasingly broken marriage in terms of intimacy. I knew what I was doing was wrong but didn't know what else to do…I was stupid. I saw it as escapism, not cheating, as I never did anything physical with anyone. As I've read more since then I have realised I was wrong, it was the trust that I broke with my wife.
Anyway, in 2010 my wife discovered my texts. My/our world imploded. We talked lots about it, really sensible conversations about how we both felt and what we wanted. I felt really positive, like maybe, just maybe we could turn a corner and make things good. She said she needed time to rebuild trust in me and she didn't know how long that would take. Completely understandable to me.
I have always said I would do anything to repair our marriage. We tried counselling, but after a couple of sessions my wife said it was useless as they don't understand what is going on in our lives so she refused to try any more. Things would get a bit better, but I would get frustrated that whilst I was trying to make things work I felt no effort from her. All I said from her was that I wanted to feel loved, apart from sex, she never showed any interest in my life, never said she loved me, we never kissed, we never cuddled etc. Nothing in any of those dimensions got better.
When we argued things got worse, arguments more heated. But things did gradually improve for a few months in 2012 and we even had sex once. Then another argument came along, to be honest an irrational one and she ignored me for a whole week, wouldn't talk to me about anything. I had a business trip one day which I didn't tell her about as she wasn't talking to me, later that week she saw a transaction on my credit card statement and queried it. I explained I'd been on a day trip and as she ignoring me and it didn't impact her day I didn't tell her, she said I had destroyed the trust again (as I could be up to anything) and everything fell apart again.
We continued to bumble along, then in 2013 one of our children fell ill in a serious way. Obviously the focus became her, but as she began to overcome the worst of the illness by the end of 2013 I was really looking forward to 2014. But the year started with some horrible arguments. She said that she felt under pressure still, I decided not to talk about anything bad that was going on in our relationship for the rest of the year (unless she wanted to), I just tried to focus on the positives. We had a few conversations during the year and she sounded more positive but nothing really changed she's still distant and remote.
To cut a long story short, we're still drifting, nothing has improved. I still desperately want to try to make it work not only because I love her but for our children too. She says she wants to make it work too, but I see nothing to suggest she is trying, she just comes back to saying she needs time. I'm not allowed to touch her, if I do she moves away (so no holding hands, no cuddles), we never go out on dates apart from a rushed meal from time to time after something to do with the school, every night she sits on a sofa opposite me. The extent of our physical relationship is a quick kiss on the lips goodnight.
She used to say that she was concerned that if I didn't get what I wanted I'd just walk out. I said I never would just walk out on her and the kids and that if I ever felt it wasn't working I would tell her so. At the end of 2014 I muted for the first time that we had to fix it, for if we didn't, our marriage could only go one way. Which from my perspective is true, I never gave us a deadline to fix it, she then turned that into how I was blackmailing her into doing what I wanted for our relationship. That wasn't my intention, it was just me trying to be open and honest with her, I feel that our marriage is unsustainable.
The problem is I don't know what to do, she says she can see I've been making an effort. I genuinely try to give her whatever she wants (clearly I'm failing, but im doing what she asks). We do have a good lifestyle, nice holidays when she wants we also moved house because she wanted too. I've read a lot over the last 5 years (5 languages of love and a few others), I've suggested in the past that she should but she refuses, apparently they're a waste of time as they can't be applied to our circumstance. She continues to refuse to consider counselling.
I don't feel that I can do much more, it feels like she's not trying to help us and that she's just waiting on some divine intervention that is going to change things. I feel that we both have to try to save us, but I feel that I am alone in doing so. I knew it would take some time to get over what I did, never in my wildest dreams did I think it would take this long.
So why am I writing this? I don't know, to get some thoughts and perspectives from others on our situation. Thanks for reading.
Put the internet to work for you.
I get home at midnight from work, wife never waits for me
It's New Years, got home at midnight and wife was sleeping. She works days and I work pm's and she never waits for me even when she is off the next day.
I am pretty bothered by it, am I wrong to feel this way?
I am pretty bothered by it, am I wrong to feel this way?
Put the internet to work for you.
Husband's anger getting worse. Now he says it's over.
Hi everyone.
I have been reading this forum for around 2 years now and have followed some of the advice given to others with similar marriage problems to mine. But now I am at a loss and I don't really know what to do anymore.
My mind has been on overdrive for the last few weeks and I really dont want to make this into a long post so I will just let you know what has happened in these last few weeks which seems to have brought everything to a head.
Background- Married 20yrs, both mid 40's, 2 teen girls, SAHM, H works away (always has 32 yrs), moved from UK to OZ 5 yrs ago.
Everytime H comes home (for 3/4 weeks) we seem to have the same pattern. Affectionate, attentive, sex etc for the first 4/5 days. Then H starts drinking nearly every night 10/12 beers sometimes more but denies it and his anger is getting worse which nobody but me and the kids see. Has 1 night off a week because he wants sex (can't perform with alcohol) Spends hours by himself on his tablet playing freecell. I start to feel like his "mother" as he wont doesnt join in/be active with family life, responsibilities or decisions. I have the same conversation with him about what is going on and I get told "I'm fine" or dont get a reaction. But what he says and how he behaves dont make sense. This carries on, I feel hurt and on my own and eventually shut down until an argument, we talk, both try and for the last few days before he goes back to work we are like we are when he first comes home.
Well this time has been a bit different. H came home and we went away for a few days, just us on his suggestion, all went well. Came home and ok for a few days. Then the drinking started. I dont mind him having a few but he will have 2/3 beer to everyone else's 1 and maybe in 2 mouthfuls. His anger is getting worse when drinking too. Things had happened regarding him (sober) distancing himself, putting others first, etc that I just broke down like never before and it seemed that when spoke something maybe clicked in him and we both understand and promised to try.
A week later we were at friends and he was just gulping down beers. Saying stuff which he thought was funny but everyone else thought and said it wasn't. It was either sleezy or offensive. I just looked at him and shook my head. They needed someone to let in workmen and H said he would do it eventhough we had just finished talking about our daughters graduation ceremony the same day. I just looked at him in shock. The friends said "No you have things on" His expresion just said "ok the" looked at me and didnt speak. We came home and I started to cook tea. He mumbled something and I said I had everything I needed. He then came inside, stood in the kitchen, fists clenched, face tight, full of anger (which happens a lot now even having a general conversation) then he went outside to sit by himself. I left him 10 mins and went to see him. Maybe I shouldn't but I just need him to talk to me. He was so full of rage that when I mentioned how much he had to drink, he growled a t me "yeah and I will be drinking a lot more". I just calmly said "well I wont be sleeping in the same bed" (he has started to wet the bed again when drunk) I left him to it and he then threw his bottle against the shed. Stormed inside screaming at me, eyes wide, chest puffed. He went into our bedroom and I followed to ask what the hell was going on. He got in my face yelling at me that he had tried, it was and has always been my fault and that it was over. The next day he got up and acted as if nothing had happened. We had a family day planned but when the kids refused to go he pleaded and begged. We I spoke to him in the morning ( I was so hurt and in tears) about splitting up he asked me where I would go and then later said he din't mean it and it wasnt what he wanted, but no apology. He then became like a little boy overeager to please.
I was so hurt again that I just couldnt speak or even look at him. I have made an appointment to see a counsellor, for me. I told H and his reply was "Do you want me to go and see one". I said that was up to him, I am doing this for me. He is now back at work.
He phones on Skype everyday as usual, but it is very strained,more on my part, unlike previous times. I have my first counselling appointment on 8/1 and H is home on 9/1. We have a family holiday booked for 9 days on 14/1 which H asked me to book a few months ago. Our eldest daughter,17, has told me to leave him as he will never change but at the moment it really is not a option. When things are going well life is good but we seem to have hit a turning point. We have read "His needs, her needs" which helped, I think but that has been thrown back in my face. I have also read about passive aggression.
I have my faults too but I am so emotionally burnt out at the moment that things just seem to be a struggle. We have booked a trip back to the UK in 6 months (first since moving) which we both agreed on. I would really like to get some understanding of it all to make some decisions and try and be happy again so any advice would be greatly appreaciated.
Sorry this has became a long post but it has helped me to write it down. There is more to tell if it would help, just ask. Thanks for reading
I have been reading this forum for around 2 years now and have followed some of the advice given to others with similar marriage problems to mine. But now I am at a loss and I don't really know what to do anymore.
My mind has been on overdrive for the last few weeks and I really dont want to make this into a long post so I will just let you know what has happened in these last few weeks which seems to have brought everything to a head.
Background- Married 20yrs, both mid 40's, 2 teen girls, SAHM, H works away (always has 32 yrs), moved from UK to OZ 5 yrs ago.
Everytime H comes home (for 3/4 weeks) we seem to have the same pattern. Affectionate, attentive, sex etc for the first 4/5 days. Then H starts drinking nearly every night 10/12 beers sometimes more but denies it and his anger is getting worse which nobody but me and the kids see. Has 1 night off a week because he wants sex (can't perform with alcohol) Spends hours by himself on his tablet playing freecell. I start to feel like his "mother" as he wont doesnt join in/be active with family life, responsibilities or decisions. I have the same conversation with him about what is going on and I get told "I'm fine" or dont get a reaction. But what he says and how he behaves dont make sense. This carries on, I feel hurt and on my own and eventually shut down until an argument, we talk, both try and for the last few days before he goes back to work we are like we are when he first comes home.
Well this time has been a bit different. H came home and we went away for a few days, just us on his suggestion, all went well. Came home and ok for a few days. Then the drinking started. I dont mind him having a few but he will have 2/3 beer to everyone else's 1 and maybe in 2 mouthfuls. His anger is getting worse when drinking too. Things had happened regarding him (sober) distancing himself, putting others first, etc that I just broke down like never before and it seemed that when spoke something maybe clicked in him and we both understand and promised to try.
A week later we were at friends and he was just gulping down beers. Saying stuff which he thought was funny but everyone else thought and said it wasn't. It was either sleezy or offensive. I just looked at him and shook my head. They needed someone to let in workmen and H said he would do it eventhough we had just finished talking about our daughters graduation ceremony the same day. I just looked at him in shock. The friends said "No you have things on" His expresion just said "ok the" looked at me and didnt speak. We came home and I started to cook tea. He mumbled something and I said I had everything I needed. He then came inside, stood in the kitchen, fists clenched, face tight, full of anger (which happens a lot now even having a general conversation) then he went outside to sit by himself. I left him 10 mins and went to see him. Maybe I shouldn't but I just need him to talk to me. He was so full of rage that when I mentioned how much he had to drink, he growled a t me "yeah and I will be drinking a lot more". I just calmly said "well I wont be sleeping in the same bed" (he has started to wet the bed again when drunk) I left him to it and he then threw his bottle against the shed. Stormed inside screaming at me, eyes wide, chest puffed. He went into our bedroom and I followed to ask what the hell was going on. He got in my face yelling at me that he had tried, it was and has always been my fault and that it was over. The next day he got up and acted as if nothing had happened. We had a family day planned but when the kids refused to go he pleaded and begged. We I spoke to him in the morning ( I was so hurt and in tears) about splitting up he asked me where I would go and then later said he din't mean it and it wasnt what he wanted, but no apology. He then became like a little boy overeager to please.
I was so hurt again that I just couldnt speak or even look at him. I have made an appointment to see a counsellor, for me. I told H and his reply was "Do you want me to go and see one". I said that was up to him, I am doing this for me. He is now back at work.
He phones on Skype everyday as usual, but it is very strained,more on my part, unlike previous times. I have my first counselling appointment on 8/1 and H is home on 9/1. We have a family holiday booked for 9 days on 14/1 which H asked me to book a few months ago. Our eldest daughter,17, has told me to leave him as he will never change but at the moment it really is not a option. When things are going well life is good but we seem to have hit a turning point. We have read "His needs, her needs" which helped, I think but that has been thrown back in my face. I have also read about passive aggression.
I have my faults too but I am so emotionally burnt out at the moment that things just seem to be a struggle. We have booked a trip back to the UK in 6 months (first since moving) which we both agreed on. I would really like to get some understanding of it all to make some decisions and try and be happy again so any advice would be greatly appreaciated.
Sorry this has became a long post but it has helped me to write it down. There is more to tell if it would help, just ask. Thanks for reading
Put the internet to work for you.
need help fast.
I have been dating this girl for almost 5 years now. For some backstory her mom is borderline and has married an allegedly abusive police officer. The family is from money and my ex was left with a small trust fund. My ex was abused growing up and has lost it several times due to situations with her mother.
Most of her friends and exs have been somewhat unbalanced.
I was able to get her out of her situation and we had lived together for three years. Her mom at one point in our relationship threatened to kill us and was institutionalized. Anyways her mom and one of her friends have worked their way back into her life ( mainly through buying her a 30,000 dollar car.) and convinced her to leave leave me for one of her exs. She has a house that I was able to purchase for her in cash using the trust fund.we lived their together. She kicked me out. And now she is not living there.
Her mom convinced her that I am beneath her because I do not have the breeding that she does. ( it's funny as her mom was adopted and I come from a well established family.)
She just left an moved in with this guy the next day. Now I am being harassed by the mom and the boyfriend has threatened me with a restraining order.
I have been defending her from manipulation for years. But now I'm worried that she will self destruct. How do I help her?
I know that I should move on but I can't help worrying as she is not paying bills or her insurance. She plans on moving in the next couple of months with him to California. However she quit her job the day after she left me. She won't contact me because in her words I have nothing good to add to her life.
Any advice would be apreciated
Most of her friends and exs have been somewhat unbalanced.
I was able to get her out of her situation and we had lived together for three years. Her mom at one point in our relationship threatened to kill us and was institutionalized. Anyways her mom and one of her friends have worked their way back into her life ( mainly through buying her a 30,000 dollar car.) and convinced her to leave leave me for one of her exs. She has a house that I was able to purchase for her in cash using the trust fund.we lived their together. She kicked me out. And now she is not living there.
Her mom convinced her that I am beneath her because I do not have the breeding that she does. ( it's funny as her mom was adopted and I come from a well established family.)
She just left an moved in with this guy the next day. Now I am being harassed by the mom and the boyfriend has threatened me with a restraining order.
I have been defending her from manipulation for years. But now I'm worried that she will self destruct. How do I help her?
I know that I should move on but I can't help worrying as she is not paying bills or her insurance. She plans on moving in the next couple of months with him to California. However she quit her job the day after she left me. She won't contact me because in her words I have nothing good to add to her life.
Any advice would be apreciated
Put the internet to work for you.
How long does the pain last?
I started at the gym 2 1/2 weeks ago to get into better shape. I found now that I'm getting older my strength has dropped off considerably.
I called a family friend that is a hardcore weightlifter and asked him to help get me going. He's the type of guy that gets into the strongman competitions and things like that.
The first day at the gym we worked doing bench press, incline bench press and dumbbell presses. Our next visit we concentrated on shoulder strengthening vertical presses and more dumbbell work. Yesterday we did a lot of tricep and bicep work.
The first couple days weren't too bad as I wasn't lifting very much weight. He figured that since it seemed easy for me I should just go up 10 lbs on everything. Today I didn't go to work as I could barely roll out of bed. My wife said I should maybe think of giving up on the gym and find another way to get in shape. I thought about her suggestion for about 2 seconds and said no way!!! I've only been going a couple times a week but I'm hooked, I love it!!! I find when I'm working out with a friend I'm motivated to keep going. I just want to know how long I can expect the soreness/stiffness to last. I have been drinking plenty of water to avoid muscle cramps but some days I need to take ibuprofen to help with the aches.
How long does this usually last before I can work out and not feel like I've been hit by a truck?? Should I maybe lift a little less weight until the aches and stiffness stops or just suck it up and charge ahead??The lifting has helped with my weight loss (down 5lbs in 2 1/2wks). By the way, I turned 50 in September.
Looking forward to advice from those that have been in my situation.
I called a family friend that is a hardcore weightlifter and asked him to help get me going. He's the type of guy that gets into the strongman competitions and things like that.
The first day at the gym we worked doing bench press, incline bench press and dumbbell presses. Our next visit we concentrated on shoulder strengthening vertical presses and more dumbbell work. Yesterday we did a lot of tricep and bicep work.
The first couple days weren't too bad as I wasn't lifting very much weight. He figured that since it seemed easy for me I should just go up 10 lbs on everything. Today I didn't go to work as I could barely roll out of bed. My wife said I should maybe think of giving up on the gym and find another way to get in shape. I thought about her suggestion for about 2 seconds and said no way!!! I've only been going a couple times a week but I'm hooked, I love it!!! I find when I'm working out with a friend I'm motivated to keep going. I just want to know how long I can expect the soreness/stiffness to last. I have been drinking plenty of water to avoid muscle cramps but some days I need to take ibuprofen to help with the aches.
How long does this usually last before I can work out and not feel like I've been hit by a truck?? Should I maybe lift a little less weight until the aches and stiffness stops or just suck it up and charge ahead??The lifting has helped with my weight loss (down 5lbs in 2 1/2wks). By the way, I turned 50 in September.
Looking forward to advice from those that have been in my situation.
Put the internet to work for you.
Sorry guys. I'm leaving TAM
I already deleted all but two of my threads and will be working on deleting the rest.
Hope I've helped along the way.
Sorry to those I've hurt.
I'm grateful to be much stronger in my marriage but all the female attacks on me here are hitting too close to home and feels too much like the toxicity from my mother. Too much pain and I cannot allow that to affect my family.
Thank you to everyone who have helped me. You will not be forgotten.
Hope I've helped along the way.
Sorry to those I've hurt.
I'm grateful to be much stronger in my marriage but all the female attacks on me here are hitting too close to home and feels too much like the toxicity from my mother. Too much pain and I cannot allow that to affect my family.
Thank you to everyone who have helped me. You will not be forgotten.
Put the internet to work for you.
Husbands PTSD and infidelity
I feel I have a unique situation and look forward to some insight. Just to give a bit of background, I have Cystic Fibrosis, a genetic disease and 9 years ago I had a double lung transplant which was rough for both my husband and me. We have been married 25 years and he came into this marriage with no secrets about how hard the life would be with hospitalizations etc. It was not pretty at times though we kept laughter and love all along. Now my health is tip top, I'm 53 as is my husband.
After all this and a hysterectomy to boot, my husband stopped being interested in me. Come to find out, he has PTSD from all the traumatic experiences. Neither one of us knew anything about this disorder, but now we are getting help. The thing is that 9 months ago, and still continuing today, he is having sex with a younger gal. He says he can't have sex with me because just being intimate with me triggers his PTSD. We have a second residence we own about 20 minutes away, and he let's her live there paying no rent, but some utilities. He bought a car for her to use, but it's in his name, and he will take her on trips etc.
This is his scene. He says he needs the control of that situation. He does not spend a lot of time there, but has to "put in time" so she feels wanted. He told her he would never say he loves her etc. and that he will never leave his wife (me) and this gal still stays. She is a victim from what I know of her past.
I don't like it at all. I won't tell him I approve of the situation even though he says it saved him from suicide. I love this man and want to stay with him as I know he does with me, but I feel traumatized now and like I'm going out of my mind. I am so in pain and sad and can cry at the drop of a hat. I feel like I'm PTSD now because I get so focused on what they might be doing. My imagination goes wild. I can't talk to anyone except my therapist because no one understands that you don't have to go to war to have PTSD. We also see her together. Does anyone have any suggestions on coping with his PTSD by being supportive without screwing myself up in the process? He's helped me through so much, but it's hard to remember that stuff when my heart is ripped to shreds.
After all this and a hysterectomy to boot, my husband stopped being interested in me. Come to find out, he has PTSD from all the traumatic experiences. Neither one of us knew anything about this disorder, but now we are getting help. The thing is that 9 months ago, and still continuing today, he is having sex with a younger gal. He says he can't have sex with me because just being intimate with me triggers his PTSD. We have a second residence we own about 20 minutes away, and he let's her live there paying no rent, but some utilities. He bought a car for her to use, but it's in his name, and he will take her on trips etc.
This is his scene. He says he needs the control of that situation. He does not spend a lot of time there, but has to "put in time" so she feels wanted. He told her he would never say he loves her etc. and that he will never leave his wife (me) and this gal still stays. She is a victim from what I know of her past.
I don't like it at all. I won't tell him I approve of the situation even though he says it saved him from suicide. I love this man and want to stay with him as I know he does with me, but I feel traumatized now and like I'm going out of my mind. I am so in pain and sad and can cry at the drop of a hat. I feel like I'm PTSD now because I get so focused on what they might be doing. My imagination goes wild. I can't talk to anyone except my therapist because no one understands that you don't have to go to war to have PTSD. We also see her together. Does anyone have any suggestions on coping with his PTSD by being supportive without screwing myself up in the process? He's helped me through so much, but it's hard to remember that stuff when my heart is ripped to shreds.
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Is it right to say this in a relationship?
Me and my bf have been dating for a year and a couple months, I complained that we are hardly together and he insists that he loves me. (both go to same uni, but hardly see each other)
However, as both third year students - he mentioned that he puts his work above me. But am I wrong in thinking that relationships should probably be treated equally as important?
My friends say I shouldn't be dating a workaholic and that I should be with someone who treats me better. what's your take?
Thanks :)
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Damaged Certificate! What to do?
One of my certificates is damaged and I need a replacement. What are your thoughts on the following link?,
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I need to relax
I met a guy online and within a week and a half we met up. During this time he texted me everyday and would call every other day. The first date was awful, I was shy and very awkward. I thought he would be put off by my weird behavior but the next day he mentioned there being a next time. There was a huge gap between the first and second date but he still seemed interested and was consistent with staying in contact. The second date was alot better and I started feeling more attracted to him. I was more relaxed and it was nice to see the chemistry we had over the phone remained in person.
Last week he asked me to go to his house to chill. I felt uncomfortable, not because of him though. I felt a little unwell so I sat in the chair at the end of his bed, whilst he layed in his bed. I kept glancing over thinking he looked more and more hour, but continued as normal. I was still nervous and he asked if I could act normal for once ' jokily'. Anyways I've thought about kissing him for some time, at the end of the night he asks me to rate my kissing and I just freaked out...I mean I answered the question then walked over to his car. It could have happened right Then. He dropped me home, I gave him a awkward hug and he kissed me on the cheek.the next day I asked if I had been friendzoned as a joke and he says he won't know until we kiss properly. Then later on I was stressed and said I needed a hug, he said next time I see him make sure I get one.
Anyway like I said he would message me everyday. He doesn't message me as much, but I think the fact he's mentioning next time is a good sign right? He is staying with family at the moment, which might be why he's distant. How do I relax and stop being so awkward? I wanted to kiss him, yet I ran off.
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Best way moving on? Will she notice?
I've not removed her from Facebook, I've not deleted her or blocked her either.
She removed me from Snapchat, but never blocked me. I haven't removed her.
I have deactivated my Facebook account because I don't want to see her profile or risk looking at it anymore. I also want her to know that I've walked away and I want her to realise what she's done to me by using me and messing around with my feelings when she feels like she wants to. Which is very wrong.
She regularly stalks my Facebook page, and has confirmed she has before. She always talks about me to everyone because I am the only guy in her life that has made an impact.
As much as I care about her and want her, I've got to realise she's not worth it and that someone better will come along. Deep down I still like her a lot, but by never contacting her again will she come running back eventually? When she's realised I've finally gone?
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