I would like to get the opinion of the very knowledgeable and experienced TAM members on this subject:
I recently became aware of many, many details of the A that occurred between my fWW and OM more than 10 yrs ago. Through IC/MC, I was both comfortable with hearing and wanted to know the details of the A so that I could be prepared if any similar patterns, conditions, and circumstances ever started again, so any problems could be addressed early on. No indication of any concerns for the last 10 yrs.
Should I share what I have learned with the OMW? Would this info be helpful to her so that she also could be sensitive to patterns and conditions? Or would it just crush her? Can you forgive and R, but not forget? My wife indicated that at some point during the end of the A, she called this woman anonimously and told her that her husband was having an A. She confirmed the message was received because the OM contacted her and was furious that the wife was told about the affair. I wish someone would have informed me about the A and all the details at the time or shortly thereafter, rather than having to wait 10 yrs.
Some background on her: she was married to the OM during the entire A with my wife, which lasted about 3 yrs. I had met her, hung out with her at their house, and talked to her for a good while. She seems like a very nice lady. Thru my research on open source intel, she is still married to the OM (25 yrs), they take family vacations together with the kids, and there are many pictures/videos of her and her H together: singing, dancing, laughing, etc.
We have a NC agreement that prevents us from having any contact with the OM, but nothing that prevents me from talking to his wife. He was a bad guy as demonstrated by his behavior back then (think controlling sex addict) so I don't even want to deal with him, but he may have changed.
I recently became aware of many, many details of the A that occurred between my fWW and OM more than 10 yrs ago. Through IC/MC, I was both comfortable with hearing and wanted to know the details of the A so that I could be prepared if any similar patterns, conditions, and circumstances ever started again, so any problems could be addressed early on. No indication of any concerns for the last 10 yrs.
Should I share what I have learned with the OMW? Would this info be helpful to her so that she also could be sensitive to patterns and conditions? Or would it just crush her? Can you forgive and R, but not forget? My wife indicated that at some point during the end of the A, she called this woman anonimously and told her that her husband was having an A. She confirmed the message was received because the OM contacted her and was furious that the wife was told about the affair. I wish someone would have informed me about the A and all the details at the time or shortly thereafter, rather than having to wait 10 yrs.
Some background on her: she was married to the OM during the entire A with my wife, which lasted about 3 yrs. I had met her, hung out with her at their house, and talked to her for a good while. She seems like a very nice lady. Thru my research on open source intel, she is still married to the OM (25 yrs), they take family vacations together with the kids, and there are many pictures/videos of her and her H together: singing, dancing, laughing, etc.
We have a NC agreement that prevents us from having any contact with the OM, but nothing that prevents me from talking to his wife. He was a bad guy as demonstrated by his behavior back then (think controlling sex addict) so I don't even want to deal with him, but he may have changed.
Put the internet to work for you.
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