Hi,
I've been in a relationship for 10 years, and always considered my W to be someone who would NEVER cheat. However recently, when I mentioned the AM hack, she looked like she had seen a ghost. The next day, I got an email that the contact account for our joint cell service had been changed. When I asked about it, she gave an excuse and eventually gave me access back, but to only my own phone. I got suspicious enough to ask the company for my access back and then look at phone records.
Of course I found that she had a 'friend' that she sends 100+ texts a month, and pictures to.. for the entire 9 month period that the phone bills go back. Reverse lookup shows him to be a guy I don't know. They also have very quick phone calls (1-3 min) a few times a month when I'm at work.
Looking back, all the evidence starts falling into place. The excuses for no sex, for weeks and months. She used to be so lax with her phone I'd tease her b/c I'd call and it was never on her, but now she's fused to it 24/7, and has a passcode. When she showers, she hides it in the adjacent walk-in closet, which she could see me go in.
Anyway, now that I've vented a little, the question. At this point, I know I have one chance to confront, and that's it. Honestly, a simple demand to see the phone and see if the messages are hidden/deleted is enough 'proof' for me, but in my state if you can prove infidelity then you don't have to pay alimony. I'd like to go that route if possible.. the thought of paying her off *almost* makes me more ill.
So, if she watches her phone like a hawk, is a light sleeper, and likely only meets up with this guy 2-3 times a month.. what can I do to get hard, legal proof?? Hiring a PI for an entire month from 9AM-2PM, when the meetups are probably occurring, seems incredibly expensive, and I worry she just won't do it that month, on a fluke. I feel like if I can get a real-time location, I can just send the PI over instead of having him run around all day, all month, but I can't get at the phone.
Is there a reasonable, legal option, or am I stuck paying dues for being too trusting?
I've been in a relationship for 10 years, and always considered my W to be someone who would NEVER cheat. However recently, when I mentioned the AM hack, she looked like she had seen a ghost. The next day, I got an email that the contact account for our joint cell service had been changed. When I asked about it, she gave an excuse and eventually gave me access back, but to only my own phone. I got suspicious enough to ask the company for my access back and then look at phone records.
Of course I found that she had a 'friend' that she sends 100+ texts a month, and pictures to.. for the entire 9 month period that the phone bills go back. Reverse lookup shows him to be a guy I don't know. They also have very quick phone calls (1-3 min) a few times a month when I'm at work.
Looking back, all the evidence starts falling into place. The excuses for no sex, for weeks and months. She used to be so lax with her phone I'd tease her b/c I'd call and it was never on her, but now she's fused to it 24/7, and has a passcode. When she showers, she hides it in the adjacent walk-in closet, which she could see me go in.
Anyway, now that I've vented a little, the question. At this point, I know I have one chance to confront, and that's it. Honestly, a simple demand to see the phone and see if the messages are hidden/deleted is enough 'proof' for me, but in my state if you can prove infidelity then you don't have to pay alimony. I'd like to go that route if possible.. the thought of paying her off *almost* makes me more ill.
So, if she watches her phone like a hawk, is a light sleeper, and likely only meets up with this guy 2-3 times a month.. what can I do to get hard, legal proof?? Hiring a PI for an entire month from 9AM-2PM, when the meetups are probably occurring, seems incredibly expensive, and I worry she just won't do it that month, on a fluke. I feel like if I can get a real-time location, I can just send the PI over instead of having him run around all day, all month, but I can't get at the phone.
Is there a reasonable, legal option, or am I stuck paying dues for being too trusting?
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