I won't go through my entire story (though it is on my earlier posts :)), but long story short we have been married 23 years, 2 kids (15 and 12). WE have fought for at least five years about him not being as interested in me and generally leaving me feeling like a roommate.
I have posted other things about the LD/HD issues we face, but the second part of 'not feeling like a roommate) is that he just never really compliments me or says anything that you wouldn't say to a grandmother or aunt. I want compliments and physical affection from him more than anything. I read the book about languages and assessed mine as being those two things - physical touch and affirmation. He blew off the whole concept and said it was cheesy, and that I just needed to accept him for who is is, which is NOT someone who gives out compliments.
After months of not having an opportunity for a date night to ourselves, we finally had one. I bought a special outfit, spent a lot of time getting ready, and was really pumped up about surprising him ( I planned something that I kept a surprise that I thought he would like). He agreed to go, but when we got ready to go that night, I came walking out and not a word was said about how I looked, we went right outside........and when we are pulling out, he looked over at his hobby car and literally said how BEAUTIFUL it was since it had been washed. I told him later how bad it hurt me and he said I was being shallow, immature, and needy. Is it so wrong to want compliments from your spouse?!?!? I can't help it that my love language is affirmation and physical touch.......yet he guilts me into thinking I'm immature for needing that kind of stuff. IS IT IMMATURE?
BTW, I get compliments all of the time from plenty of people - they tell me I am more beautiful now than I ever was.........but I want it from HIM. Not just how I look, but actually looking into my eyes every now and then, telling me how glad he is to be married to me, etc. And YES, I do those things to HIM, but he says it's because it's my style.
I am soooo wondering if we will ever get past this if it has been 5 years. Do I truly need to just accept that it's just him? IS it shallow and immature of me to want that??
Help, please :)
I have posted other things about the LD/HD issues we face, but the second part of 'not feeling like a roommate) is that he just never really compliments me or says anything that you wouldn't say to a grandmother or aunt. I want compliments and physical affection from him more than anything. I read the book about languages and assessed mine as being those two things - physical touch and affirmation. He blew off the whole concept and said it was cheesy, and that I just needed to accept him for who is is, which is NOT someone who gives out compliments.
After months of not having an opportunity for a date night to ourselves, we finally had one. I bought a special outfit, spent a lot of time getting ready, and was really pumped up about surprising him ( I planned something that I kept a surprise that I thought he would like). He agreed to go, but when we got ready to go that night, I came walking out and not a word was said about how I looked, we went right outside........and when we are pulling out, he looked over at his hobby car and literally said how BEAUTIFUL it was since it had been washed. I told him later how bad it hurt me and he said I was being shallow, immature, and needy. Is it so wrong to want compliments from your spouse?!?!? I can't help it that my love language is affirmation and physical touch.......yet he guilts me into thinking I'm immature for needing that kind of stuff. IS IT IMMATURE?
BTW, I get compliments all of the time from plenty of people - they tell me I am more beautiful now than I ever was.........but I want it from HIM. Not just how I look, but actually looking into my eyes every now and then, telling me how glad he is to be married to me, etc. And YES, I do those things to HIM, but he says it's because it's my style.
I am soooo wondering if we will ever get past this if it has been 5 years. Do I truly need to just accept that it's just him? IS it shallow and immature of me to want that??
Help, please :)
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