Hello,
My WW left about 2.5 years ago. Said she needed space, I was a terrible husband and father, and that she no longer loved me. I was devastated and completely baffled. I asked if there was someone else and she adamantly said no. Time goes by and of course this OM starts showing up at her new place. Kids tell me about it and they are upset. Find out its a guy from work with whom she had an emotional affair 7 years before. I figured it out, confronted her, and told her she had to choose him or me. She chose me, or so she said. I starters asking about OM and what the deal was. Her response is essentially to stop communicating with me. So I contacted his ex. She forwards me all the emails my WW sent her detailing 7 year affair and how she is in love with this guy and was waiting for them to separate. Worst day of my life. I confronted her and she denied everything, said it was taken out of context, and to stay out of her life. I waited a long time for her to wake up and realize she made a mistake but instead she file for support and divorce. I finally realized last fall that she was a waste of time and stopped communicating with her other than anything about the kids. She has since said she would like to have a better relationship and she attempts to be nice at times but she is mostly a manipulative liar who wants to still control me and how I parent the kids when I have them.
She has no desire to R. She has been living with OM since September and I told her that I have no respect for either her or him and that while they are together I have no interest in even trying to be friendly.
My problem is that she emails or texts me about the kids more often that I care for. I set boundaries and she completely ignores them. She asked repeatedly to meet for coffee to discuss our divorce and each time I refused. She emails questions about the kids and asks to talk about it. I tell her I prefer everything in email. I told her back in the spring that I have said everything that needed to be said and that the only time I would consider talking to her was if she wanted to reconcile. I told her I am not sure i would reconcile, but out of respect for the kids I would feel compelled to have that discussion.
My problem is two-fold. In some ways I am still in love with the woman I married and its very hard for me to move no when she keeps emailing about the kids. My other problem is that I love my kids and hate to only have them 50% of the time. I miss them dearly when they are with her. Sometimes I think I would reconcile just to be with them all the time.
My question is if anyone has any advice going forward? I am doing a great job of not contacting her unless its about the kids or the divorce. But how can I get her to leave me alone? And if not, what is the best way to fully move on while having her harass me? I know my not talking to her is not in my kids best interest but at what point is it ok to do what is best for me?
Yes, it has been 2.5 years but I held onto hope for at least a year and change. It's only been since last fall that I accepted my marriage was over and started trying to move on. I realize I should be past all this by now but I am not.
My WW left about 2.5 years ago. Said she needed space, I was a terrible husband and father, and that she no longer loved me. I was devastated and completely baffled. I asked if there was someone else and she adamantly said no. Time goes by and of course this OM starts showing up at her new place. Kids tell me about it and they are upset. Find out its a guy from work with whom she had an emotional affair 7 years before. I figured it out, confronted her, and told her she had to choose him or me. She chose me, or so she said. I starters asking about OM and what the deal was. Her response is essentially to stop communicating with me. So I contacted his ex. She forwards me all the emails my WW sent her detailing 7 year affair and how she is in love with this guy and was waiting for them to separate. Worst day of my life. I confronted her and she denied everything, said it was taken out of context, and to stay out of her life. I waited a long time for her to wake up and realize she made a mistake but instead she file for support and divorce. I finally realized last fall that she was a waste of time and stopped communicating with her other than anything about the kids. She has since said she would like to have a better relationship and she attempts to be nice at times but she is mostly a manipulative liar who wants to still control me and how I parent the kids when I have them.
She has no desire to R. She has been living with OM since September and I told her that I have no respect for either her or him and that while they are together I have no interest in even trying to be friendly.
My problem is that she emails or texts me about the kids more often that I care for. I set boundaries and she completely ignores them. She asked repeatedly to meet for coffee to discuss our divorce and each time I refused. She emails questions about the kids and asks to talk about it. I tell her I prefer everything in email. I told her back in the spring that I have said everything that needed to be said and that the only time I would consider talking to her was if she wanted to reconcile. I told her I am not sure i would reconcile, but out of respect for the kids I would feel compelled to have that discussion.
My problem is two-fold. In some ways I am still in love with the woman I married and its very hard for me to move no when she keeps emailing about the kids. My other problem is that I love my kids and hate to only have them 50% of the time. I miss them dearly when they are with her. Sometimes I think I would reconcile just to be with them all the time.
My question is if anyone has any advice going forward? I am doing a great job of not contacting her unless its about the kids or the divorce. But how can I get her to leave me alone? And if not, what is the best way to fully move on while having her harass me? I know my not talking to her is not in my kids best interest but at what point is it ok to do what is best for me?
Yes, it has been 2.5 years but I held onto hope for at least a year and change. It's only been since last fall that I accepted my marriage was over and started trying to move on. I realize I should be past all this by now but I am not.
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