Severe Anger Issues in Marriage

I am 40 and mother of 3 kids. I have been married since last 15 years and my marital life is a roller costar of several ups and downs. Our marriage was based on pure love and this is our first marriage from both sides. My husband has severe anger problems and extremely bad tongue since the beginning. I realized this after few days of our marriage.. This is hurting me so much. I tried to initiate divorce several times but every time after thinking about kids or love for him I gave up. Then I tried to make him realize that he must seek anger management help but he blames me for all, that I create the circumstances for his anger and I don't listen to him etc.. I realized that he will never change unless a miracle happen. He hurts me with his bad words about me and my family every other day. Twice I had to call police on him because he got physically abusive. But when police came I told them that it was a mistake and they left. I told my husband that do not b ecome physically abusive because I might call police. How a woman find courage to file divorce? I love him so much but this love is killing me from inside. I tried everything possible like counseling, talk to elders, talk to him several times and tried to make him realize that his anger issues are hurting this relationship so badly and our kids will get affected. Every little thing make him angry like just a normal talk or little argument is IMPOSSIBLE with him. Nothing worked so far and with time his anger is getting even worse. He blames me for all and tells me that I destroyed his life. Divorce scares me to death. what should I do? My family said that its my decision and I have to make my self strong enough to take any action and make a final decision. Every time I think about divorce I go under severe depression and think that Why God chose me for this difficult test.

I worked On and Off in those last 15 years. I have BS degree and worked in IT for several years. But then decided to stay home with kids since my husband travel and my kids needed me full time. My health is going so down and I don't think I can ever work FT now. I lost passion for life. My life seems like a punishment to me now. I have people around me who are all happy in marital life. Can divorce take my kids away from me?

Please advice.

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