Hi, (sorry in advance if this is a very long post)
I'm looking for people's opinions and advice regarding some relationship problems my wife and I are having that have been going on for some months but has been very severe the last few weeks with my wife telling me she no longer wants to be with me.
Firstly just a bit of background information, my wife is from South America, I'm from Europe, and we've been together for 5 years, married for 1. We have been living in Australia for 3 years now.
For the past few months my wife has been incredibly stressed and very difficult to talk to without her becoming very angry and having hour long arguments over anything big or small. The main reasons are that she doesn't want to live in Australia (due to meeting lots of racist people, struggling to make friends, being so far from her family and friends in South America), not happy in her job (childcare – although next year she would qualify for a student loan and would hopefully begin to study, although she is still worried she will be too old to start a new career, she is now 30), and she doesn't enjoy being with me anymore. The main reasons for not enjoying being with me are that she thinks I forget everything she tells me, which isn't completely true, I'm sure I forget the usual amount of things anyone else does. I try to listen to everything but get some things wrong or forget.
She also thinks she can't trust me and I hide things from her. I've never ever cheated on her and I honestly want to be with her, she's beautiful, has the best smile, kind and naturally friendly to all my friends and family, and she does everything she can for me. Over the last few months a couple of things have happened which have made her feel she can't trust me so much, although I feel they are things which if they had happened earlier in the relationship when she wasn't so stressed about everything they wouldn't have been so big of a deal.
One thing that happened was that i'd sent 5 or 6 texts to a girl I work with one day, just normal stuff about a gig or something that she'd done over the weekend. I know my wife gets very anxious if I mention I spoke with a girl, in normal everyday situations. She says she's just joking about it, but it's every single time and doesn't feel like a joke to me. Anyway after realising i'd sent quite a few texts to the girl at work I thought I would delete them as I knew my wife would probably see them on my phone and wonder why I was texting her so much and get angry (she checks my texts sometimes, I don't really care as I'm not hiding anything but it is annoying if she tells me I should have worded a text differently or something like that). Anyway I actually told her i'd deleted the texts after an argument a few days later. She was angry that I'd deleted the texts and thinks I must hide a lot of things... I don't. She's told me she knows I wasn't cheating, she knows the girl I work with and knows neither of us are attracted to each other, so it's just the fact I deleted the messages.
The other thing that happened last week was that I'd called our bank to ask about consolidating some debts, something I had talked to my wife about a few weeks before but hadn't mentioned when I'd be calling them. I was working from home and had some spare time to call, my wife was also at home vacuuming but again wasn't in a great mood and I didn't feel I could explain the questions I was going to ask the bank to her. After speaking with the bank they said my wife would just have to call back anytime to confirm a few identity details as it involved our joint account. I planned to have a chat with my wife later that night after work to explain what the bank could do, but the bank actually called her within an hour on her mobile asking her to confirm details and she wasn't sure what the call was about. She was angry at me for not talking with her first. I could see her point and apologised, but also explained she was busy at the time of the call and I had planned to discuss it with her later that day so she could call them back anytime she wanted, but they called her instead which was the opposite to what they told me.
As well as those problems the sexual relationship between us doesn't exist, I would love to have a fun adventurous sex life with my wife, but she hasn't been interested basically since after the first week that we began our relationship. She tells me that I'm a good looking guy, but the reasons she's told me for not having sex are varied, such as she is angry with me, she can't stop thinking about her mum who she wants to help more, she doesn't want sex with anyone, she is sad about situations such as where we live or her job or lack of friends, or she is feeling sick, or she just doesn't feel like it. She used to tell me to stop trying to have sex with her until she felt better, I agreed and wouldn't hassle her. By that time we were probably having sex once every couple of months, for the last year or so it's been one time since we were married. It's been very stressful for me having no sex life, and I expect it has for her too although she doesn't really speak like it's so important to her. She's not very comfortable with me talking about sex, and I'm basically left with the only option of masturbating, and that has to be away from her. I'd love if she would tell me any sexual desires/fantasies/fetishes, I don't believe she's as conservative and uninterested as she makes out and I'm very open and willing to try most things.
That's a lot of the main points that we're having problems with, there's probably other things which aren't all wrote down here. I do love her and I do believe she loves me, but says almost daily that she thinks we're finished. She doesn't want to go to work or do anything with me and it's very difficult for me to have any conversation without her shouting and/or crying about how I need to change a lot. We've had lots and lots of amazing adventures and had a perfect wedding last year, wanting to be together despite the difficulties.
I'd love some opinions/advice as I don't want the relationship to end, to me it seems she is incredibly stressed, home-sick, angry when I make some mistakes, and worried about not living close to her mum.
I'm looking for people's opinions and advice regarding some relationship problems my wife and I are having that have been going on for some months but has been very severe the last few weeks with my wife telling me she no longer wants to be with me.
Firstly just a bit of background information, my wife is from South America, I'm from Europe, and we've been together for 5 years, married for 1. We have been living in Australia for 3 years now.
For the past few months my wife has been incredibly stressed and very difficult to talk to without her becoming very angry and having hour long arguments over anything big or small. The main reasons are that she doesn't want to live in Australia (due to meeting lots of racist people, struggling to make friends, being so far from her family and friends in South America), not happy in her job (childcare – although next year she would qualify for a student loan and would hopefully begin to study, although she is still worried she will be too old to start a new career, she is now 30), and she doesn't enjoy being with me anymore. The main reasons for not enjoying being with me are that she thinks I forget everything she tells me, which isn't completely true, I'm sure I forget the usual amount of things anyone else does. I try to listen to everything but get some things wrong or forget.
She also thinks she can't trust me and I hide things from her. I've never ever cheated on her and I honestly want to be with her, she's beautiful, has the best smile, kind and naturally friendly to all my friends and family, and she does everything she can for me. Over the last few months a couple of things have happened which have made her feel she can't trust me so much, although I feel they are things which if they had happened earlier in the relationship when she wasn't so stressed about everything they wouldn't have been so big of a deal.
One thing that happened was that i'd sent 5 or 6 texts to a girl I work with one day, just normal stuff about a gig or something that she'd done over the weekend. I know my wife gets very anxious if I mention I spoke with a girl, in normal everyday situations. She says she's just joking about it, but it's every single time and doesn't feel like a joke to me. Anyway after realising i'd sent quite a few texts to the girl at work I thought I would delete them as I knew my wife would probably see them on my phone and wonder why I was texting her so much and get angry (she checks my texts sometimes, I don't really care as I'm not hiding anything but it is annoying if she tells me I should have worded a text differently or something like that). Anyway I actually told her i'd deleted the texts after an argument a few days later. She was angry that I'd deleted the texts and thinks I must hide a lot of things... I don't. She's told me she knows I wasn't cheating, she knows the girl I work with and knows neither of us are attracted to each other, so it's just the fact I deleted the messages.
The other thing that happened last week was that I'd called our bank to ask about consolidating some debts, something I had talked to my wife about a few weeks before but hadn't mentioned when I'd be calling them. I was working from home and had some spare time to call, my wife was also at home vacuuming but again wasn't in a great mood and I didn't feel I could explain the questions I was going to ask the bank to her. After speaking with the bank they said my wife would just have to call back anytime to confirm a few identity details as it involved our joint account. I planned to have a chat with my wife later that night after work to explain what the bank could do, but the bank actually called her within an hour on her mobile asking her to confirm details and she wasn't sure what the call was about. She was angry at me for not talking with her first. I could see her point and apologised, but also explained she was busy at the time of the call and I had planned to discuss it with her later that day so she could call them back anytime she wanted, but they called her instead which was the opposite to what they told me.
As well as those problems the sexual relationship between us doesn't exist, I would love to have a fun adventurous sex life with my wife, but she hasn't been interested basically since after the first week that we began our relationship. She tells me that I'm a good looking guy, but the reasons she's told me for not having sex are varied, such as she is angry with me, she can't stop thinking about her mum who she wants to help more, she doesn't want sex with anyone, she is sad about situations such as where we live or her job or lack of friends, or she is feeling sick, or she just doesn't feel like it. She used to tell me to stop trying to have sex with her until she felt better, I agreed and wouldn't hassle her. By that time we were probably having sex once every couple of months, for the last year or so it's been one time since we were married. It's been very stressful for me having no sex life, and I expect it has for her too although she doesn't really speak like it's so important to her. She's not very comfortable with me talking about sex, and I'm basically left with the only option of masturbating, and that has to be away from her. I'd love if she would tell me any sexual desires/fantasies/fetishes, I don't believe she's as conservative and uninterested as she makes out and I'm very open and willing to try most things.
That's a lot of the main points that we're having problems with, there's probably other things which aren't all wrote down here. I do love her and I do believe she loves me, but says almost daily that she thinks we're finished. She doesn't want to go to work or do anything with me and it's very difficult for me to have any conversation without her shouting and/or crying about how I need to change a lot. We've had lots and lots of amazing adventures and had a perfect wedding last year, wanting to be together despite the difficulties.
I'd love some opinions/advice as I don't want the relationship to end, to me it seems she is incredibly stressed, home-sick, angry when I make some mistakes, and worried about not living close to her mum.
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