I've known my husband for 3 years, and been married half of that.
Shortly into our relationship, I found him talking to a woman online and asking her for pictures, calling her his sexy baby. He apologized profusely, begged forgiveness, said it was just a stupid thing and that he was sorry and he just liked the attention of it. I forgave him and we moved on.
5 months later he has to go out of state for 2 months for school. He comes home after, and we're fine and happy. We got married shortly after that. About a month into our marriage, I find Skype on our old laptop (the one he took with him out of state). There's an email account I've never known him to have attached to it, so I log into the email (he only uses 2 passwords for everything, not hard to figure out). I find lots of emails between him and random women online where naked pictures were exchanged, as well as replies to craigslist ads where he posted a dozen requests for "company" and that he was "disease free and discretion was key". All of it was from before we were married, but still. Of course I flipped out.
When confronted, he confessed that he liked the "chase" of it and that nothing actually happened. He liked being told he was sexy and attractive by those women, because my calling him those things was "biased" because I'm in love with him. His words. I told him it was a form of cheating and that I would not tolerate it. He said he wasn't going to do it again and he hadn't done it since, since we weren't married then and we are now. I believed him.
2 months ago now he was gone again for a month out of state. I asked him when he got home if he had done anything he shouldn't have while he was gone. He became upset with me and accused me of not trusting him. I apologized and believed him, and we were fine.
A week ago, I walk into our bedroom and he immediantly hides his phone under the blanket. I'm not an idiot. I ask him what's wrong, he says nothing, but keeps the phone under the blanket. I ask him to give me the phone, and he freaks out saying I'm mistrusting. I demand the phone, and he gives it to me reluctantly, repeating in my ear that there's nothing to find, and that he can't believe I don't trust him. I quickly find multiple nude photos of him on it.
He finally confesses that while he was out of state he was chatting and exchanging photos with random women on chatroulette and that it was meaningless. He just wanted the attention, he claimed. I told him I'm contemplating leaving him over it, and the fact that he'd been lying to me about it all this time. He says I'm overreacting, because it's not as bad as real cheating or anything.
He says he was about to delete the pictures, because he didn't want to do those things anymore. He says he's happy with his life now and he had an "itch" back then to do those things and that he doesn't any more.
So.
What the heck should I do? Am I overreacting? I need an outside opinion. I don't think he'd ever physically cheat on me, but I know he's insecure. I don't know WHY, because he has a good job, he's successful, I tell him all the time how great he looks and wonderful he is. He has a great family, he has nothing wrong in his life.
I'm having issues believing him that he will stop. It drives me mad thinking that some random women out there have pictures of MY husband.
I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. Any help at all would be wonderful. If nothing else it feels great to get all this off my chest to someone.
Thank you for reading, I'm sorry for the wall of text.
Shortly into our relationship, I found him talking to a woman online and asking her for pictures, calling her his sexy baby. He apologized profusely, begged forgiveness, said it was just a stupid thing and that he was sorry and he just liked the attention of it. I forgave him and we moved on.
5 months later he has to go out of state for 2 months for school. He comes home after, and we're fine and happy. We got married shortly after that. About a month into our marriage, I find Skype on our old laptop (the one he took with him out of state). There's an email account I've never known him to have attached to it, so I log into the email (he only uses 2 passwords for everything, not hard to figure out). I find lots of emails between him and random women online where naked pictures were exchanged, as well as replies to craigslist ads where he posted a dozen requests for "company" and that he was "disease free and discretion was key". All of it was from before we were married, but still. Of course I flipped out.
When confronted, he confessed that he liked the "chase" of it and that nothing actually happened. He liked being told he was sexy and attractive by those women, because my calling him those things was "biased" because I'm in love with him. His words. I told him it was a form of cheating and that I would not tolerate it. He said he wasn't going to do it again and he hadn't done it since, since we weren't married then and we are now. I believed him.
2 months ago now he was gone again for a month out of state. I asked him when he got home if he had done anything he shouldn't have while he was gone. He became upset with me and accused me of not trusting him. I apologized and believed him, and we were fine.
A week ago, I walk into our bedroom and he immediantly hides his phone under the blanket. I'm not an idiot. I ask him what's wrong, he says nothing, but keeps the phone under the blanket. I ask him to give me the phone, and he freaks out saying I'm mistrusting. I demand the phone, and he gives it to me reluctantly, repeating in my ear that there's nothing to find, and that he can't believe I don't trust him. I quickly find multiple nude photos of him on it.
He finally confesses that while he was out of state he was chatting and exchanging photos with random women on chatroulette and that it was meaningless. He just wanted the attention, he claimed. I told him I'm contemplating leaving him over it, and the fact that he'd been lying to me about it all this time. He says I'm overreacting, because it's not as bad as real cheating or anything.
He says he was about to delete the pictures, because he didn't want to do those things anymore. He says he's happy with his life now and he had an "itch" back then to do those things and that he doesn't any more.
So.
What the heck should I do? Am I overreacting? I need an outside opinion. I don't think he'd ever physically cheat on me, but I know he's insecure. I don't know WHY, because he has a good job, he's successful, I tell him all the time how great he looks and wonderful he is. He has a great family, he has nothing wrong in his life.
I'm having issues believing him that he will stop. It drives me mad thinking that some random women out there have pictures of MY husband.
I have no idea what to do or where to go from here. Any help at all would be wonderful. If nothing else it feels great to get all this off my chest to someone.
Thank you for reading, I'm sorry for the wall of text.
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