Hi everyone,
I have had an interesting year with lots of huge good and bad changes in my life. At my current point however I am left feeling overwhelmed, confused, sad, and clueless as to what is the right direction to try to pursue in my love life.
A bit about me and my history leading up to everything. I am 28 now and have never been one to be involved with anyone unless I truly have feelings for them. Growing up I had dated a few girls in high school, towards the end of High school I met and started dating the girl I would eventually marry. She was raised in a very strict family and was very sheltered. Through the years we got along great with almost no fighting of any kind ever. I got her out of her shell and as an active outdoor sports lover I got her into everything from climbing, hiking, mountain biking, you name it. All these things brought us closer in a lot of ways but as the years went on there was always one thing that stood out, as great as our relationship was we were never very close as a couple. We had a fantastic sex life but it was the smaller things that we were missing, we never held hands or cuddled, because of the lifestyle in the outdoors we lived she never was very feminine so never did the little feminine things a female typically does through touch to show the male how much they love them. After about 5 years of being together there was starting to be some pressure from the families for us to get married. We both agreed it wasn't something we wanted to worry about spending money on at the time and it was a big deal to either of us. At this same time though I started bringing up the fact that I wished we were closer as a couple in the sense as we were missing out on all the "coupley" things like romantic dates and holding each other etc.
At first she agreed and wanted to try to improve things in that area. As we tried though it became pretty apparent however she just was not very affectionate in that way and when she would try to act in that manner it seemed very forced and not natural. This is something we discussed and she would get frustrated which would then lead to her getting upset and ignoring me sometimes for days. Meanwhile I would try to talk to her and calm her down and tell her it wasn't bothering me and I was happy no matter what. The next couple years things were good but up and down with this issue and she never really changed but we were still happy and got along great. At about 8 years into our relationship we had a close female friend that we spent a lot of time with one night bring up having a threesome. My girlfriend had always said she was attracted to females as well and through the years we had talked about if we would ever consider having one, the conclusion was we both trusted each other enough to do it but it would simply have to be with someone we both trusted and felt comfortable with and if at any point there was any deeper feelings, jealousy, or general uncomfortable feelings we would stop it and never do it again.
We were very cautious and all three of us talked about it for a few months off and on and gave it time to see how we felt about it after weeks went by. Eventually we all said we wanted to try it and we went through with it. It took place without any issues, we all had a great time and we all felt very close after without any jealousy. The only negative in a way that came from this was it did make me want that closeness between me and my girlfriend even more again as the other girl acted much different with me and it really made me feel good to have that extra attention and feminine touch by someone. In a lot of ways after this happened it helped our relationship as we did feel a lot closer that we could trust each other so much and not be jealous or allow it to cause problems. This also spiced up our private sex life as well and after 8 years of being together we were having some of the best sex yet. We had a few more encounters over the next 6 months with this girl and no drama, she eventually was in a relationship so we all mutually ended it peacefully.
Over the next year things were pretty calm and stable. We didn't have any issues other than occasionally I would bring up I would like her to be a bit closer. At this time we had been together for 10 years and were very much happy and still never fought aside from the occasionally emotional periods where we would get on topic about her not being very close. We yet again had another female friend we spent a lot of time with bring up the subject of having a threesome. We discussed it and agreed we would be up for doing this again under the same rules as last time. On a number of occasions we had all messed around without issue of any kind. One evening we were all three together and something came up and my girlfriend had to leave to go meet someone, we all stopped but upon leaving she told me and the other girl to just continue and have fun and she would be back in a few hours, it was fine not to worry she wanted us to keep going. We ended up having an amazing evening but later that night two things hit me. How much I loved it because that physical attention I was not use to getting, I had now experienced the most that I had ever in my life. The second thing was because of how close this girl was to me that maybe she was feeling way more and the intentions were potentially not as the three of us had agreed on. I brought it up to her and sure enough she broke down and admitted she had deep feelings for me and didn't want to mess me and my relationship up but deep down wished she was in my girlfriends position. We talked and I told her there was no way I could be close to her anymore. I cared about her greatly but me and my girlfriend had a deep trust and that wasn't worth giving up for anything. I later told my partner and over the next couple months the fact that I had handled it the way I did really made us a lot closer emotionally.
A few months later we made the decision to move across country together to a place we both fell in love with from visiting through the years. We new the families would really get on us about marriage then so on one trip to the area to look for places to live we ended up getting married without telling anyone. We came back, families were happy, we moved shortly after and life was great. The destination brought us closer in a lot of ways and we were having lots of fun having it just be the two of us living in our dream location away from our old life and families. About a year of being there we started having some discussion again about how even though we were closer than ever we still didn't act much like a normal couple. Still never cuddled, held hands and did all the little things most couples do. She chalked it up to she just wasn't that way, I wrote it off as well it must just be because weve been together so long now. Either way it still hurt a bit and would occasionally cause us to have an argument and us both feeling frustrated. Around this time is where it got very interesting and turned into a huge mess!
There was a girl that worked nearby at a coffee shop that I went to almost everyday on my way to the office. I don't know what it was but the first time I had seen her I was just blown away. Something you read in a book or see in a movie, something I never believed in. I just couldn't explain it though there was just something about her. We became friends and talked everyday. We then started hanging out every so often and she was married as well. We all four started going out once or twice a week. My wife made note from the start that she could tell me and this girl really had some kind of connection and it was pretty obvious. I admitted to her that I did and that I couldn't explain it. I was completely consumed by her personality, the way she presented herself, and had never been so attracted to anyone in my life. I suggested maybe we should stop hanging out with them and I would stop going to see her during the day at work. My wife said I was over reacting and she didn't want that, she trusted me and she didn't want anything to change. Weeks went by and I learned that her and her husband had been having a lot of problems the past few years. He had repeatedly cheated on her right after they got married and then essentially told her he wasn't attracted to her at all and didn't love her. They had been hiding everything from their families until they both got on their feet and could get a place on their own.
One night we met up after work and went up into the mountains to watch a meteor shower. My wife was working and she told me just to go ahead, her husband was out with another girl like always. We sat there for hours just talking about life and everything that we were stressed about. At some point we both looked down and noticed we were holding hands and apparently had been for some time without either of us even realizing we were. We laughed at first in a kind of embarrassed confusion, but then it was like all of these feelings we were repressing for the past 6 months couldn't be held back anymore and we grabbed each other and made out, held each other, cried together, and repeated that for probably the next two hours. Eventually I took her home and we didn't say much as I think we were both overwhelmed and shocked. I then drove home and immediately told my wife everything that happened include what I felt and how powerful it was. I told her I have never felt something so intense in my life, tomorrow I am going to talk to her and tell her we simply have to cut ties. My wife continually told me I was over reacting and no not to do that yet. Calm down and just take it day by day and see what happens. Which in some ways scared me and made me sad, others excited me because of what I was feeling.
About a week later we had a little holiday party at my house. I found out later that night that at some point my wife had pulled her in the bedroom and threw her on the bed and made out with her. A few days later she had come over by herself to hang out and next thing I know we are all three being very affectionate and drinking. As the night went on my wife at one point "attacked" her essentially and started taking her clothes off and getting very serious. Next thing I know now I am involved and we ended up having a threesome with her. The one difference though was I did not have actual intercourse with this girl, I couldn't, the feelings were that serious that I couldn't be with her in that way. Her and my wife became closer friends at this point and then the situation got really weird. Her "husband" and her got in a huge fight one night and he ended up beating her up. I ended up taking care of her and she had no place to go, we had a spare bedroom so in a hurry to get her out of the situation we packed up her stuff and my wife told me to just move her in and we would figure it out as we went.
Well she moved in but as you can guess she wasn't staying in the guest room. She started sleeping in our bed under my wife's suggestion. For the next few weeks almost every night all three of us would be intimate, however I still refused to actually have sex with her, I told my wife I was scared to feel what I would feel after going through that with her. One night we were all together messing around and my wife stopped and told me she wanted me and the other girl to just do it and get it over with, she was going to leave for an hour or two and give us privacy. So sure enough she left and this had been the first time me and her had done something just the two of us since it all got started. That night for the first time in my life I can say I 100% truly made love with someone. Me and my wife had a great sex life and lots of great intimate encounters through the years but this was something that I never thought was actually real what I experienced that night. She felt the same way and it just made our situation that much more complex and intense. Over the next couple weeks things continued but I simply could not perform when the three of us were together. I felt so weird and uncomfortable I could no longer even get an erection unless it was just the two of us. This led to a big weird fight between me and my wife, she was upset because I was ruining such a great thing. What are the chances of three like minded people finding each other like this and now I am going to scare her away because I am acting so weird. This came up multiple times and eventually I blew up and told her if that's how she felt then maybe we shouldn't be together, and maybe if I felt this strong I should be with the other girl because I felt like she truly loved me and she treated me all the ways I always wanted her to.
Shortly after my wife moved out. Things were not happily ever after though for me and the other girl. Just as the good was really really incredible, we also after all of this drama had a lot of problems and arguments. So be it was the next 8 months. One week we are in heaven and could not be happier. The next we are breaking up and are ready to kill each other. Its like our love is so powerful and intense that even the smallest things turn into huge problems because it hurts us both so much more. With all of this said it doesn't take away the good me and my wife had together. These are two very different relationships. Me and my wife very rarely had any problems or arguments, we got along amazingly, we completely trusted each other, but we didn't have that extra spark of intensity. Me and this other girl cannot seem to be stable like me and my wife were, however we do have the most intense relationship ever and the good is amazing while the bad stresses me out like crazy. Its been a year since this all happened and me and my wife are officially divorce now of which both of us are hurt and have a lot of mixed feelings about it. We definitely still care a lot for each other and still have feelings there. Me and the other girl as I said have had an up and down relationship since. We just recently broke up for the 3rd time in the past year but we are both really hurting and its like we don't know how to live without each other and that intensity now after all this. I know she really wants me to be back with her and keep working at it, but at this same time now my ex wife has opened up that she wants us back and wishes we wouldn't have gotten ourselves into this mess.
So here I am hurt, sad, depressed, and missing both my ex wife and my girlfriend at the same time but in different ways. I would love to have my old life back with my ex wife because I was always happy and we learned our lesson now we simply cannot be open to being with other people in anyway. With that said though that doesn't make my feelings for the other girl go away. It doesn't make me forget about the intensity that I never had with my wife. I also cant imagine letting go of her and seeing her be with someone else. The relationships are so different its hard to compare. One is intense and amazing but so unstable and challenging, we are also very different people with different interests which adds to the challenge. Me and my ex-wife however are very similar and love the same things. We get along great and are very stable, however I feel like being with her means excepting I will just have to be ok not feeling that crazy intensity again. When me and the other girl recently broke up I thought it would be easy and I was just going to go back with my wife and forget about her. Its proved more difficult than I thought. I get really upset every night it seems. We live close to each other and spend time in the same small city we live in so its inevitable we see each other from time to time which makes it soooo hard. So in closing here I am, I don't know what to do, what direction to go. I love them both but the relationships are so different. I don't want to try dating anyone else because the problem already is that I truly love two people so I don't want to complicate my life even more with someone else. The problem is I love them both but can only be with one. How do I pick a path when I cant imagine being without either one of them? When I do pick a path how can I get over the other person? One is so intense the other has so much history and closeness. Help!!!!! Thank you!
I have had an interesting year with lots of huge good and bad changes in my life. At my current point however I am left feeling overwhelmed, confused, sad, and clueless as to what is the right direction to try to pursue in my love life.
A bit about me and my history leading up to everything. I am 28 now and have never been one to be involved with anyone unless I truly have feelings for them. Growing up I had dated a few girls in high school, towards the end of High school I met and started dating the girl I would eventually marry. She was raised in a very strict family and was very sheltered. Through the years we got along great with almost no fighting of any kind ever. I got her out of her shell and as an active outdoor sports lover I got her into everything from climbing, hiking, mountain biking, you name it. All these things brought us closer in a lot of ways but as the years went on there was always one thing that stood out, as great as our relationship was we were never very close as a couple. We had a fantastic sex life but it was the smaller things that we were missing, we never held hands or cuddled, because of the lifestyle in the outdoors we lived she never was very feminine so never did the little feminine things a female typically does through touch to show the male how much they love them. After about 5 years of being together there was starting to be some pressure from the families for us to get married. We both agreed it wasn't something we wanted to worry about spending money on at the time and it was a big deal to either of us. At this same time though I started bringing up the fact that I wished we were closer as a couple in the sense as we were missing out on all the "coupley" things like romantic dates and holding each other etc.
At first she agreed and wanted to try to improve things in that area. As we tried though it became pretty apparent however she just was not very affectionate in that way and when she would try to act in that manner it seemed very forced and not natural. This is something we discussed and she would get frustrated which would then lead to her getting upset and ignoring me sometimes for days. Meanwhile I would try to talk to her and calm her down and tell her it wasn't bothering me and I was happy no matter what. The next couple years things were good but up and down with this issue and she never really changed but we were still happy and got along great. At about 8 years into our relationship we had a close female friend that we spent a lot of time with one night bring up having a threesome. My girlfriend had always said she was attracted to females as well and through the years we had talked about if we would ever consider having one, the conclusion was we both trusted each other enough to do it but it would simply have to be with someone we both trusted and felt comfortable with and if at any point there was any deeper feelings, jealousy, or general uncomfortable feelings we would stop it and never do it again.
We were very cautious and all three of us talked about it for a few months off and on and gave it time to see how we felt about it after weeks went by. Eventually we all said we wanted to try it and we went through with it. It took place without any issues, we all had a great time and we all felt very close after without any jealousy. The only negative in a way that came from this was it did make me want that closeness between me and my girlfriend even more again as the other girl acted much different with me and it really made me feel good to have that extra attention and feminine touch by someone. In a lot of ways after this happened it helped our relationship as we did feel a lot closer that we could trust each other so much and not be jealous or allow it to cause problems. This also spiced up our private sex life as well and after 8 years of being together we were having some of the best sex yet. We had a few more encounters over the next 6 months with this girl and no drama, she eventually was in a relationship so we all mutually ended it peacefully.
Over the next year things were pretty calm and stable. We didn't have any issues other than occasionally I would bring up I would like her to be a bit closer. At this time we had been together for 10 years and were very much happy and still never fought aside from the occasionally emotional periods where we would get on topic about her not being very close. We yet again had another female friend we spent a lot of time with bring up the subject of having a threesome. We discussed it and agreed we would be up for doing this again under the same rules as last time. On a number of occasions we had all messed around without issue of any kind. One evening we were all three together and something came up and my girlfriend had to leave to go meet someone, we all stopped but upon leaving she told me and the other girl to just continue and have fun and she would be back in a few hours, it was fine not to worry she wanted us to keep going. We ended up having an amazing evening but later that night two things hit me. How much I loved it because that physical attention I was not use to getting, I had now experienced the most that I had ever in my life. The second thing was because of how close this girl was to me that maybe she was feeling way more and the intentions were potentially not as the three of us had agreed on. I brought it up to her and sure enough she broke down and admitted she had deep feelings for me and didn't want to mess me and my relationship up but deep down wished she was in my girlfriends position. We talked and I told her there was no way I could be close to her anymore. I cared about her greatly but me and my girlfriend had a deep trust and that wasn't worth giving up for anything. I later told my partner and over the next couple months the fact that I had handled it the way I did really made us a lot closer emotionally.
A few months later we made the decision to move across country together to a place we both fell in love with from visiting through the years. We new the families would really get on us about marriage then so on one trip to the area to look for places to live we ended up getting married without telling anyone. We came back, families were happy, we moved shortly after and life was great. The destination brought us closer in a lot of ways and we were having lots of fun having it just be the two of us living in our dream location away from our old life and families. About a year of being there we started having some discussion again about how even though we were closer than ever we still didn't act much like a normal couple. Still never cuddled, held hands and did all the little things most couples do. She chalked it up to she just wasn't that way, I wrote it off as well it must just be because weve been together so long now. Either way it still hurt a bit and would occasionally cause us to have an argument and us both feeling frustrated. Around this time is where it got very interesting and turned into a huge mess!
There was a girl that worked nearby at a coffee shop that I went to almost everyday on my way to the office. I don't know what it was but the first time I had seen her I was just blown away. Something you read in a book or see in a movie, something I never believed in. I just couldn't explain it though there was just something about her. We became friends and talked everyday. We then started hanging out every so often and she was married as well. We all four started going out once or twice a week. My wife made note from the start that she could tell me and this girl really had some kind of connection and it was pretty obvious. I admitted to her that I did and that I couldn't explain it. I was completely consumed by her personality, the way she presented herself, and had never been so attracted to anyone in my life. I suggested maybe we should stop hanging out with them and I would stop going to see her during the day at work. My wife said I was over reacting and she didn't want that, she trusted me and she didn't want anything to change. Weeks went by and I learned that her and her husband had been having a lot of problems the past few years. He had repeatedly cheated on her right after they got married and then essentially told her he wasn't attracted to her at all and didn't love her. They had been hiding everything from their families until they both got on their feet and could get a place on their own.
One night we met up after work and went up into the mountains to watch a meteor shower. My wife was working and she told me just to go ahead, her husband was out with another girl like always. We sat there for hours just talking about life and everything that we were stressed about. At some point we both looked down and noticed we were holding hands and apparently had been for some time without either of us even realizing we were. We laughed at first in a kind of embarrassed confusion, but then it was like all of these feelings we were repressing for the past 6 months couldn't be held back anymore and we grabbed each other and made out, held each other, cried together, and repeated that for probably the next two hours. Eventually I took her home and we didn't say much as I think we were both overwhelmed and shocked. I then drove home and immediately told my wife everything that happened include what I felt and how powerful it was. I told her I have never felt something so intense in my life, tomorrow I am going to talk to her and tell her we simply have to cut ties. My wife continually told me I was over reacting and no not to do that yet. Calm down and just take it day by day and see what happens. Which in some ways scared me and made me sad, others excited me because of what I was feeling.
About a week later we had a little holiday party at my house. I found out later that night that at some point my wife had pulled her in the bedroom and threw her on the bed and made out with her. A few days later she had come over by herself to hang out and next thing I know we are all three being very affectionate and drinking. As the night went on my wife at one point "attacked" her essentially and started taking her clothes off and getting very serious. Next thing I know now I am involved and we ended up having a threesome with her. The one difference though was I did not have actual intercourse with this girl, I couldn't, the feelings were that serious that I couldn't be with her in that way. Her and my wife became closer friends at this point and then the situation got really weird. Her "husband" and her got in a huge fight one night and he ended up beating her up. I ended up taking care of her and she had no place to go, we had a spare bedroom so in a hurry to get her out of the situation we packed up her stuff and my wife told me to just move her in and we would figure it out as we went.
Well she moved in but as you can guess she wasn't staying in the guest room. She started sleeping in our bed under my wife's suggestion. For the next few weeks almost every night all three of us would be intimate, however I still refused to actually have sex with her, I told my wife I was scared to feel what I would feel after going through that with her. One night we were all together messing around and my wife stopped and told me she wanted me and the other girl to just do it and get it over with, she was going to leave for an hour or two and give us privacy. So sure enough she left and this had been the first time me and her had done something just the two of us since it all got started. That night for the first time in my life I can say I 100% truly made love with someone. Me and my wife had a great sex life and lots of great intimate encounters through the years but this was something that I never thought was actually real what I experienced that night. She felt the same way and it just made our situation that much more complex and intense. Over the next couple weeks things continued but I simply could not perform when the three of us were together. I felt so weird and uncomfortable I could no longer even get an erection unless it was just the two of us. This led to a big weird fight between me and my wife, she was upset because I was ruining such a great thing. What are the chances of three like minded people finding each other like this and now I am going to scare her away because I am acting so weird. This came up multiple times and eventually I blew up and told her if that's how she felt then maybe we shouldn't be together, and maybe if I felt this strong I should be with the other girl because I felt like she truly loved me and she treated me all the ways I always wanted her to.
Shortly after my wife moved out. Things were not happily ever after though for me and the other girl. Just as the good was really really incredible, we also after all of this drama had a lot of problems and arguments. So be it was the next 8 months. One week we are in heaven and could not be happier. The next we are breaking up and are ready to kill each other. Its like our love is so powerful and intense that even the smallest things turn into huge problems because it hurts us both so much more. With all of this said it doesn't take away the good me and my wife had together. These are two very different relationships. Me and my wife very rarely had any problems or arguments, we got along amazingly, we completely trusted each other, but we didn't have that extra spark of intensity. Me and this other girl cannot seem to be stable like me and my wife were, however we do have the most intense relationship ever and the good is amazing while the bad stresses me out like crazy. Its been a year since this all happened and me and my wife are officially divorce now of which both of us are hurt and have a lot of mixed feelings about it. We definitely still care a lot for each other and still have feelings there. Me and the other girl as I said have had an up and down relationship since. We just recently broke up for the 3rd time in the past year but we are both really hurting and its like we don't know how to live without each other and that intensity now after all this. I know she really wants me to be back with her and keep working at it, but at this same time now my ex wife has opened up that she wants us back and wishes we wouldn't have gotten ourselves into this mess.
So here I am hurt, sad, depressed, and missing both my ex wife and my girlfriend at the same time but in different ways. I would love to have my old life back with my ex wife because I was always happy and we learned our lesson now we simply cannot be open to being with other people in anyway. With that said though that doesn't make my feelings for the other girl go away. It doesn't make me forget about the intensity that I never had with my wife. I also cant imagine letting go of her and seeing her be with someone else. The relationships are so different its hard to compare. One is intense and amazing but so unstable and challenging, we are also very different people with different interests which adds to the challenge. Me and my ex-wife however are very similar and love the same things. We get along great and are very stable, however I feel like being with her means excepting I will just have to be ok not feeling that crazy intensity again. When me and the other girl recently broke up I thought it would be easy and I was just going to go back with my wife and forget about her. Its proved more difficult than I thought. I get really upset every night it seems. We live close to each other and spend time in the same small city we live in so its inevitable we see each other from time to time which makes it soooo hard. So in closing here I am, I don't know what to do, what direction to go. I love them both but the relationships are so different. I don't want to try dating anyone else because the problem already is that I truly love two people so I don't want to complicate my life even more with someone else. The problem is I love them both but can only be with one. How do I pick a path when I cant imagine being without either one of them? When I do pick a path how can I get over the other person? One is so intense the other has so much history and closeness. Help!!!!! Thank you!
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