I have seen more than a few spiteful remarks about men and women who financially supported their spouse or SO during a relationship only to have this individual cheat on them citing lack of attention or some other equal or other common complain about not spending enough time at home. I wish to shed light on why this is more important than people realize.
Especially now in this day and age we as individual like to consume and self indulge, yes, I am guilty of it too. I grew up poor so having something that society tells me will make me feel good or better is sadly more often than not. But I was almost always careful not to over extend myself save for an untimely even or scenario where whatever I chased after may be a burden financially or worse to me.
Parenthood teaches a hard lesson in this, let alone marriage. I was one of the work till we can live suckers who, at my wife's persuasion and in some cases demands, worked long hours to ensure our survival and growth, despite certain things being well beyond our means, I made it work, I made sure stomachs were full, roof, the whole nine, and the last yard was the things not needed but enjoyed, which in some cases seemed like a mile vs a yard!!
But alas the hand that feeds was bitten by the rabid beast known as infidelity and cited as one of the main problems was me neglecting her even though for years she pushed me to make more money, spent like the government and disallowed me from having any financial input, but the new "soul mate" didn't even have a job at the time, got high and played games all day. So yes, this comparison which should make any man feel good about himself actually hurt really? I mean, I worked to support you Mrs. STBXW, and you said you were cool with it so why am I bitter?
Well the lost money is one, and I mean gone, not stashed away in some secret account but gone. I made enough the last 5 years to pay off my house and vehicle, update the house and still have plenty to spare. I have also only been living in my house for 4 years, let that be a scale for you. Nearly every dollar spent, on silly **** or unneeded items or failed projects, ala hoarders. My efforts did not get allocated or maintained in a responsible manner and her refusal to include me into the bill gave way to the apathetic approach of if I am full and have TV I suppose all is good.....Financially, not romantically of course. I do not confuse the 2.
But to work all these hours another valuable and irreplaceable resource is spent with no way to recover, time, precious time, gone, just gone. This is where I think I wanted some understanding from my WS, that yes, I was not there as often as I'd like to have been it was a sacrifice, not an escape, for the the family. I missed Holidays, TV shows, Get together's, Childhood time from my children, their little league games, after school activities, pta meetings, bed time stories, my friends, my time with the wife, my pets, hell my home, the one thing I strive to pay for yet rarely got to enjoy, Vacations, Staycations, name it, and this is a sample listing that is not prioritized for you sticklers out there.
So yes, when someone says they made this to spend on that to provide for his or her family remember, it is not only a punch to the groin when this is abused or dismissed as if it were expected or one was entitled to this particular efforts, but the loss of time should be seen as a smile worthy sacrifice to allow others to not only live, but live well and thrive. Please don't dismiss this effort as egotistical, as time is far more valuable than money.
Especially now in this day and age we as individual like to consume and self indulge, yes, I am guilty of it too. I grew up poor so having something that society tells me will make me feel good or better is sadly more often than not. But I was almost always careful not to over extend myself save for an untimely even or scenario where whatever I chased after may be a burden financially or worse to me.
Parenthood teaches a hard lesson in this, let alone marriage. I was one of the work till we can live suckers who, at my wife's persuasion and in some cases demands, worked long hours to ensure our survival and growth, despite certain things being well beyond our means, I made it work, I made sure stomachs were full, roof, the whole nine, and the last yard was the things not needed but enjoyed, which in some cases seemed like a mile vs a yard!!
But alas the hand that feeds was bitten by the rabid beast known as infidelity and cited as one of the main problems was me neglecting her even though for years she pushed me to make more money, spent like the government and disallowed me from having any financial input, but the new "soul mate" didn't even have a job at the time, got high and played games all day. So yes, this comparison which should make any man feel good about himself actually hurt really? I mean, I worked to support you Mrs. STBXW, and you said you were cool with it so why am I bitter?
Well the lost money is one, and I mean gone, not stashed away in some secret account but gone. I made enough the last 5 years to pay off my house and vehicle, update the house and still have plenty to spare. I have also only been living in my house for 4 years, let that be a scale for you. Nearly every dollar spent, on silly **** or unneeded items or failed projects, ala hoarders. My efforts did not get allocated or maintained in a responsible manner and her refusal to include me into the bill gave way to the apathetic approach of if I am full and have TV I suppose all is good.....Financially, not romantically of course. I do not confuse the 2.
But to work all these hours another valuable and irreplaceable resource is spent with no way to recover, time, precious time, gone, just gone. This is where I think I wanted some understanding from my WS, that yes, I was not there as often as I'd like to have been it was a sacrifice, not an escape, for the the family. I missed Holidays, TV shows, Get together's, Childhood time from my children, their little league games, after school activities, pta meetings, bed time stories, my friends, my time with the wife, my pets, hell my home, the one thing I strive to pay for yet rarely got to enjoy, Vacations, Staycations, name it, and this is a sample listing that is not prioritized for you sticklers out there.
So yes, when someone says they made this to spend on that to provide for his or her family remember, it is not only a punch to the groin when this is abused or dismissed as if it were expected or one was entitled to this particular efforts, but the loss of time should be seen as a smile worthy sacrifice to allow others to not only live, but live well and thrive. Please don't dismiss this effort as egotistical, as time is far more valuable than money.
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