Hi, This is my first time at posting anything about anything, so excuse me if I don't do this right!
I would like some advice, I will give you a little background. I'm a 29 year old women with a 33 year old husband, and a 9yr old daughter. We both work full time. We have been together 11 years, and have been married just over 3. Me and the hubby have always has issues, early on it was infidelity, lack of remorse, respect, and so on…We moved house and into a village, slowed down our pace of life, and built a family environment. Things were great, but we still had a few underlying problems. But who doesn't?! So about 2 years ago we went on holiday, hubby went with some other friends on a mans night, he got drunk, came home, then spent 2 days in bed with a hangover, that was the final straw (after feeling very low for some months leading up to the holiday). It was a family holiday with 12 people, and my husband was the one in bed for 2 days.
We came back and lived together for months whilst he was in denial over our issues, he wouldn't accept I wanted to end the relationship. 6 months after the holiday incident we attended a party with our family's, and that evening my husband turned into a monster, when we got home, he became violent, smashed the house up, pulled doors and tvs off the wall and hinges…..I immediately packed my bags and left for my mothers. (our daughter was not home that evening thankfully! Weeks and months followed and I was bombarded with messages and calls saying he was sorry. I felt guilty, he said he would change his ways, and I went back.
Things were great for a year, and this year it's slowly slipping back into the old ways…He drinks a fair amount, not enough to become dependent, but enough for me to worry about his long term health. He doesn't pay much interest in our daughter, he also won't help with discipline, he basically has no parental responsibility over her what so ever, I take care of the running of the house, the arrangement of bills (he contributes half but everything comes out of my bank), I do the cooking, the weekly shopping,the washing and drying, the larger parts of housework like bleaching and changing beds etc…he basically hoovers/vacuums, washes up, and will occasionally dust, on request. He lacks on the affectionate side of things too, very little affection towards me, does not often tell me he loves me, and our sex life is pretty bad. He will not have sex when he's sober (if he does on the odd occasion he is very quick), but when he's drunk he cannot keep an erection, and then he gets bored. I feel like I cannot tlak to him about much, and we don't seem to have too much in common. I have completely written this marriage off but he's refusing to speak or communicate with me to sort anything out, he just comes home and pretends everything's fine and just tells me to stop moaning or stop being a drama queen. I do boss him around (in his eyes), but if he did everything above and take on some more responsibility and think for himself I wouldn't have to ask….I feel like I want to live on my own with our daughter, but finances wouldn't allow for that…What can I do
I would like some advice, I will give you a little background. I'm a 29 year old women with a 33 year old husband, and a 9yr old daughter. We both work full time. We have been together 11 years, and have been married just over 3. Me and the hubby have always has issues, early on it was infidelity, lack of remorse, respect, and so on…We moved house and into a village, slowed down our pace of life, and built a family environment. Things were great, but we still had a few underlying problems. But who doesn't?! So about 2 years ago we went on holiday, hubby went with some other friends on a mans night, he got drunk, came home, then spent 2 days in bed with a hangover, that was the final straw (after feeling very low for some months leading up to the holiday). It was a family holiday with 12 people, and my husband was the one in bed for 2 days.
We came back and lived together for months whilst he was in denial over our issues, he wouldn't accept I wanted to end the relationship. 6 months after the holiday incident we attended a party with our family's, and that evening my husband turned into a monster, when we got home, he became violent, smashed the house up, pulled doors and tvs off the wall and hinges…..I immediately packed my bags and left for my mothers. (our daughter was not home that evening thankfully! Weeks and months followed and I was bombarded with messages and calls saying he was sorry. I felt guilty, he said he would change his ways, and I went back.
Things were great for a year, and this year it's slowly slipping back into the old ways…He drinks a fair amount, not enough to become dependent, but enough for me to worry about his long term health. He doesn't pay much interest in our daughter, he also won't help with discipline, he basically has no parental responsibility over her what so ever, I take care of the running of the house, the arrangement of bills (he contributes half but everything comes out of my bank), I do the cooking, the weekly shopping,the washing and drying, the larger parts of housework like bleaching and changing beds etc…he basically hoovers/vacuums, washes up, and will occasionally dust, on request. He lacks on the affectionate side of things too, very little affection towards me, does not often tell me he loves me, and our sex life is pretty bad. He will not have sex when he's sober (if he does on the odd occasion he is very quick), but when he's drunk he cannot keep an erection, and then he gets bored. I feel like I cannot tlak to him about much, and we don't seem to have too much in common. I have completely written this marriage off but he's refusing to speak or communicate with me to sort anything out, he just comes home and pretends everything's fine and just tells me to stop moaning or stop being a drama queen. I do boss him around (in his eyes), but if he did everything above and take on some more responsibility and think for himself I wouldn't have to ask….I feel like I want to live on my own with our daughter, but finances wouldn't allow for that…What can I do
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