Why does this stuff still hurt so much ?

So, long story short (or shortish !) : 15mths since ILYBNILY talk, hit me like a train. Had a great lifestyle, stay @ home mum (29) who evidently wasn't happy at all. I'm 34 now, two kids, Boy(7) and Daughter(4) We were together 9 years and married 2.5. I truly thought she was my soul mate. New POSOM was on the scene in 3 weeks, her old high school boyfriend and one of my 'friends', they had been split for 2 years before we got together. He moved in after about 2 months and they bought a house together after 6 months (or he bought her one to be more exact). We live 0.5 mile away from each other in a seaside town where everyone knows each other which definitely hasn't helped. I divorced her straight away as soon as it all became apparent and financially settled with her a couple of months ago. In the last 15 mths Ive had times where I thought I was over it and times where I thought I will never recover. Have had quite a few dates over the year but my heart just isn't in it, have let my work down badly (I work for myself in the financial markets) and have been drinking heavily @ the weekends when I don't have the children. Have the children either 2 or 3 times a week, have been on 2 holidays with them on our own (sun and ski) and definitely have a very strong bond with both. I am Daddy, he is T**. My daughter 'loves him', my son is more dubious. HERE'S THE KICKER - I guess I still might think this is all a bad nightmare and will turn out well in the end, my life is honestly in ruins, I'm holding myself together by a string. I feel angry at myself that i'm in this place still after 15 months and haven't moved forward. Do I still love her often comes up, I even blo*** dream about her ! So the kids and them have just come back from a two week holiday so I had them today which should have been good, instead I'm now sitting here dwelling in my own thoughts, my son came out with two things casually today. 1: Me and T** now go out jogging together, we made it all the way to the park by your house and back. 2: Mummy and T** announced they are engaged on holiday. I can't tell you how worthless I feel as a person and the overwhelming feeling I have to just sell what I've got and move somewhere where I can start again with a fresh slate or just simply go and stick my head in the pool and be done with it all. How on earth can you trust another human being. I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE ANY WORDS FROM ANYONE WHO'S HAD A SIMILAR THING HAPPEN TO THEM, I KNOW THERE ARE MANY SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THESE SITUATIONS SURELY IT HAS TO GET BETTER ? I FEEL LIKE I JUST GET CONTINUALLY HIT ROUND THE HEAD WITH A BAT. ALL THE BULL**** OF TIMES A GREAT HEALER ETC JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO BE THE CASE WITH ME.

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