I am back again. What to do from here? Still no sex.

It has been months since I chatted here about our relationship issues. Have been with my "partner" now for 12yrs. Had multiple rough patches and even separate homes for 3yrs. We have been back together for probably 5yrs now, were engaged until last year. The ring was so important that she just stopped wearing it. Did not tell me a thing. Anyway, we have been seeing a therapist for 9mo or so. I have certainly explained to my partner in DETAIL that no sex for me means you do not love me and do not care about making me happy. She of course wants more of her **** which is helping, family time, etc, etc. Tried all that, we get into a good stretch of having sex for about a week. It just tapers off to nothing. About 3mo now. 99% of the time, I have to initiate sex and it usually feels more like pity sex or it is all about here. I give oral for 1hr, I get it for 30sec. We worry more about her orgasm than if I am happy. I decided piss on it, I am not about to try again and get shot down so I just do what she does which is make here the very last thing on my list, and just roll over and go to sleep when I go to bed. I found the other day that her dildo was freshly used. I suspect while I was watching a movie, she snuck off to ram herself with some plastic. So, no too tired and busy for that, but too busy to wave me into the bed to help. She is NOT an affectionate person and I have told her that. She does not kiss me, hug me, touch me, say anything complementary, act turned on, dress to play, etc. If I were to ask here today, she would say I need to do those things for her. I have tried that, it works for a few days. She also has Herpes so when that time comes around, she used to consider my needs but that only lasted a couple years. Now I just get to rough it. She does not even TELL me she has it, she just ignores me. I realize most of the comments will be "sweep her off her feet" or "you are a cold prick and need to consider her needs". I have done it all, nothing puts her in the mood. I hate to say it but if some hot 20 something came into my life right now, I would be cheating like there is no tomorrow but that is not what I want. Is it too much to ask for my partner to have even the slightest about of friggin desire for me and act like sex is important? She still thinks that is my "reward" for months worth of work. If I get everything just perfect for 2-3mo, we can have sex a couple times, as long as she has an orgasm....

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