emotional texting affair..seeking clarity

Hi..I'm new to this forum..looking for some support and clarity. Around Christmas, my spouse and I started having some marital issues. He wasn't sure what he wanted out of life, and even if his life included me...wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. Developed a very close texting relationship with a coworker at work. Which became sexting inappropriate and flirtatious, with lots of "xoxos and lovey emoticons, and I love yous". I came across these on his phone, in addition to an incessant amount of texting with this woman, which resulted in an very heated discussion. We went to marital counselling together for 3 mos., and were able to resolve some issues and move forward. However, he has not been able to leave this texting relationship with this woman. He claims they are "just friends", and a work support for one another. He assured and reassured me, there was nothing romantic between them. He assured me, there was no longer flirtatious texting or "pillow talk texting" between them. I had reason to suspect otherwise, so I checked his ichat on his laptop after he left for work. They conversed for the entire hr during his am commute; prior conversations revealed the "lovey emoticons"and xoxo's, how much they miss each other..meeting for happy hr. With lots of deleted texts. Our discussion regarding the same escalated last night. He feels I have now "ruined our marriage" by nitpicking at his texting relationship with this woman, and he feels any of the steps we have made to rebuild our marriage are gone..he said he "is done for good". I informed him he was having an emotional/codependent affair with this woman; it was disrespectful and destructive to our marriage and it was inappropriate. He continued to deny any accountability, felt the texting, and emoticons are harmless. And again, reiterated that the loss of our marriage is "all my fault". I feel "beaten down emotionally"...

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