Boyfriend's EA and his closeness with her family

Hi, everyone! I have been perusing TAM for the last few months, ever since I discovered my boyfriend of nearly 5 years had become involved in an EA. This site has really, really helped me. We are both in our mid-twenties, his friend is 4 years younger than us. He has known her since she was 8 and he had always described her more as a sister. Long story short, through his depression, communication issues, and a few emotional obstacles in our relationship, he relied on her more emotionally (and thus became interested in how a relationship would be with her) instead of me. He says it was a momentary lapse and that he was feeling unwanted and insecure, and she was there for him. I had my own issues and commitment phobia I have been working through for years, and she was much more receptive to marriage and relationships than I was, which "got him thinking". We continue to talk and work through the betrayal and distrust. It is getting better every day. To be honest, while this destroyed me for a while, it has allowed for me to grow on a personal level. I am a much more open and loving person. For him, he no longer has doubts that I am the one he wants to marry, especially now that he SEES how capable I am in loving. He has also learned to communicate (much better!). He says the hurt he caused me and us from his actions haunt him. He has learned boundaries. He agreed to no longer have her as a friend and will no longer speak to her. What pains me is how I will deal with their families being so interrelated. Because they grew up with one another in a sense, her family is his and his family is hers. I have communicated with him that while he has agreed to no longer talk to her, I will have to figure out how to be comfortable with the fact that the girl has a special place in his family. Throughout our relationship, I have never been insecure or concerned with myself or cheating....and because of his actions, I find myself in comparison with her. I have to figure out a way to become confident, again. My concern is how I am going to deal with the fact that her family will likely reach out to him, especially during the holidays. He used to meet with her father once a month to catch up, but he hasn't since March, when all of this happened. My boyfriend also popped into their home to say hello during the holidays. I am hoping that he respects our relationship enough to understand that it would be of concern and uncomfortable for me if he continues to see them after the fact. Is it okay to feel this way? I absolutely hate this because I never once questioned the friendship he had with her before this and strangely almost feel as though it wouldn't be right for me to explain my discomfort in him visiting her family. I guess there is a part of me that doesn't want to beat a dead horse and explain how much he hurt me (as we are working through it and I don't want to keep punishing him) and again ask for reassurance...and then say he can no longer see her family. He has been wonderful and says he is always here to talk to me if and when I need to talk about it and that he has the rest of his life to make it up to me. Do I let it be and just trust that if he loves me and understands the hurt he's caused, that he would understand continued contact with her family is not appropriate anymore if I'm uncomfortable with it? And therefore, wouldn't engage in it? Or do I bring it up and expressly tell him it would make me feel better if he no longer spent time with them the way he did? Any comments/insight are appreciated.

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