Seperated but 'friends' yet still financial arguments..

Hi, A bit selfish coming on here and spurting out problems in my first post. I will make up for it in due course and appreciate any help you can give me. Three weeks ago my wife decided we wasn't happy and should separate. It's a done decision, there's no going back. We live in a 3bed (mortgaged between us) and two girls 7 and 12. Both are hers, one is mine and the eldest is my stepdaughter (although I consider her my own). The financial setup is the usual. I'm the main bread winner, she earns some part time and does a lot of housework etc. Now down the line (in a few months) I am quite happy to move out and let the kids and wife remain. We will continue to improve the house and sell it at a time when we feel we have made a bit of money on it. Until then I really want to get a grip of my own finances because of the extra household i'll be paying for etc. Therefore my approach to finances since our split has been nothing more than 'business like'. Trying to understand who should be paying what etc etc. But this has led to arguments between me and partner because she sees it as heartless, money oriented and selfish and is quite upset about it. The last thing I want to do is fall out with my wife. We're good friends. And I do not want her or the kids to go without once im gone. Yet I see no problem with wanting to know where I stand financially. I used the word 'business-like' to describe how we should treat our finances and she was horrified by the word. For example, is dropping her from our joint current account where only my wages get paid, so she doesn't take money out willy nilly (which she has been since split) heartless? Am I being harsh? Or am I being sensible? Should all separations organise finance as quickly as possible? Do other men here experience the same anxieties around moving out of a family home, living somewhere else and financing both ? Is my wife not accepting the fact that she will have less money as part of the split? She has had longer to think about a separation (being the one who initiated it). I also have strong suspicions that she is already seeing someone else while categorically telling me she isn't. Not that it's really my business (or is it?) it's just the lying that deteriorates the trust I have in her. The one thing i didn't want to come between us (money) is actually coming between us. :( Thanks for listening. Nick

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