The worst break up.

Hey everyone, I know this probably been covered many times over before but I just need a bit of advice, and any knowledge people have gained from similar past experiences. Going through a bit of a rough time, me and my girlfriend of a year have just split up (my decision). The reason why I ended it was because we were always fighting, like unhealthy fighting and I am always paranoid about anything she does without me, there are always questions lurking in the back of my head. About 6 months into our relationship, i found out form a friend (my gf never knew him at all) that one of his friends was meeting up and seeing my gf behind my back (he had no idea either). She would leave for uni on a sunday after spending time with me and go off and see him or would tell me she was off going to see a friend when in actual fact she was meeting up with him. I went ballistic, as expected, phoned up this guy (got his number off my friend) and he confirmed it wa s all true, and when i screamed at her to speak to him on the phone that she was so clearly fond of doing behind my back, she wouldn't utter a peep. I got him to send me messages shed been sending him of which 2 were along the lines of, would you ever wanna be bf and gf, i've been working up to it i just didn't want to scare you' and another she texted him during a night out on boxing night we were together and id pretty much sorted her whole night out for her (expensive bottle of drink, lifts the works, thinking i was being nice) and she was texting him saying 'do you want me to pick you up after, i can pick you and your friend up and look after you, 2013 is all about us.' I was heartbroken. Didn't know whether my head was gonna explode with rage or my heart was going to tear with heart break. Obviously I broke it off, the horrible thing being i found this all out a day before my xmas exams in uni, i was a nervous wreck and literally couldn't concentrate at all. I was inconsolable and desolate to say the least. The thought of revision was the last thing on my mind and i physically couldn't concentrate. Results came out and by some shadow of a miracle,I passed and with good grades. She literally begged and begged for me to take her back, she said she was so paranoid about me texting other girls behind her back and seeing other girls in uni (we are at different ones) that it drove her insane, however I have a friendly personality and she has known this from day one, i get on with everyone and i would have never dreamt to meet up with or send the text messages she had to someone behind my back. And i hear you ask, how did this other guy not know about us? Well the simple fact is she didn't even acknowledge i existed,I might as well have been dead. She had settings on Facebook that anything i ever said or posted to her any pic i ever put up of us and our relationship[ status was only ever visible to me and no-one else, whereas all mine was fully public. She was utterly deceitful, if she was so paranoid about me why didn't she confront me or just break it off and meet this new guy? We ended up getting back together after a while, due to me coming back to her (yes i know), because that sad fact is that i love her. Being with her and knowing what shed done was killing me but not being with her, not hearing from her and knowing she may be with someone else was killing me even more. Call it absolute idiocy, but its true i know, i couldn't not. And again few more months went down the line and she would promise me alot of things and never deliver, lie to me and telll me things and later on id find out the actual truth. I found out from another friend that was seeing one of her friends, that she had told her she was going out for tea with her mum and couldn't meet up with her and when in actual fact it was me, she couldn't tell her best friend that she even went out for tea with me, that i paid for, it was like i didn't exist. Then finally after several more heated fights, and after getting on her Facebook, i found out that shed been still hiding everything about me on fb even though shed promised to take the settings off so i could be seen, i was invisible, i flipped and i basically showed her the door. I had given her so much,i had taken her on holiday twice, really nice hotels paid for it all, helped her decorate her uni room, took her to a spa when she wasn't feeling well, paid for numerous meals and drinks, brought her flowers, bought her clothes when shed passed her exams, bought her a really expensive ring fro christmas, shoes, just random gestures of lovingness, i took her to meet all my family who took her in and fed her, gave her gifts and gave her somewhere to sleep for the night, m,y mum is mad about her, gave her tonnes of really nice xmas presents and has given her loads of random gifts throughout the year just for it all to be thrown back, i feel so used. My friends all think im a dick, they are just like leave her and call it quits, she has made me take people off my phone and fb when all along its been her that has been the unfaithful one, people i was friends with before and nothing more and now i feel really alienated against them and they think im a dick, through no fault of my own. So now here i am again, heartbroken about whats happened,literally hating every inch of that girls body, but at the same time i literally cant deal with not having her, i haven't spoken to her in 3 days, and it has literally felt like 3 years, slowly loosing the will to live. Can't eat or sleep at night and keep going through fits of panic attacks thinking she's off with someone else and she doesn't give a **** about me one bit. I just feel like the sad sap in all this, and i really dot know what todo. Advice please.

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