| Ok, let me start by saying I've been lurking these forums now for almost 2 months. My wife and I have been married 18 years, together 21, and have two teenage kids. We've had the typical marriage I guess. I have a pretty high demand hours job, 80-90 hours a week can be routine. My wife has a management job, that can also be quiet stressful. Our kids are HEAVILY into sports, and have been for 10 years. My wife and I have never really had time for ourselves, but my wife has probably had even less due to all the practices, games, school functions, sleepovers, braces appt. etc etc. Least I went to work and got to stay there. We put 80,000 miles on her car last year for practices and games. We've made ourselves totally available to the kids and their functions, and forgot about ourselves. We've never missed a game, are team parents that help with snacks/drinks/rosters. Looking back I don't remember a night that we had off in the last 2-3 years. So, anyways, I come home and my wife hits me with the I love you but im not sure im in love with you anymore, I've lost myself, I have no identity, we have no life together anymore. And we feel like just roomates and taxi service now a days. I was blow away, she said she thought maybe a separation would help, so I moved to the living room. Our schedules haven't changed much tho, she gets up takes kids to school, gets off work, gets kids ready for practice, I show up, and off we go. We take turns making dinner/housework, then all the homework has to be addressed. And she goes into bedroom and watches 100's of episodes of old 80's tv shows. I help as much as I thought I could with the house duties and kids, but i'll admit theres times I was just too damn tired after a 100 hour work week to pick myself up. We are both now stuck in this cloud, I don't know what to do, she doesn't know if she can keep doing this. She wont seek marriage counseling cause we have no time, and she doesn't think she can feel anything for me anymore with as lost and she is and the resentment that's built up. I jumped on the internet for help and found this site, and been doing some reading. I bought 2 voice thingies for the car, checked her facebook, and looked at her phone, and our phone records. NOTHING. All of it was scheduling for sports/kids. Some texts to her longtime friend about needing some time before she explodes, and the stress of work. One text about how she cant come to me, cause im too busy to help anyways. So needless to say im pretty comfortable after 2 months of checking, theres not an EA or heck PA, who's got that kind of time. So here's my question? She's pretty adamant that she's done in the marriage, needs a break from it all, including the kids. And, that she sees no point in extending her misery as the kids are almost done with school. She feels nothing for me at this point. Is this saveable? Is it too late? She comes home a zombie and just watches tv now. Will do some laundry and some cleaning on commercials, but is still home every night. She just gets up the next morning and does the "routine" again. I know she's looking forward to summer break, but then my son's football starts up a few days later. She doesn't want to talk about anything. Do I just hope that this is a mid-life crisis and she'll snap out of it? Is she on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Gets mad when I want to talk it over, and says she thinks its too late. What can I do? what should I do? Can anything be done but wait if she's not willing to seek help? | |||
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