| The down and dirty: 29 M divorced once, have two daughters (6 and 4) from the first marriage and am currently married and have a son (2) with my wife. My wife of almost 2 years and I are considering divorce. I am the one who brought it up and have been trying to make sure that it is what I actually want. We constantly fight. She constantly tears me down attacking who I am what I do and even how I parent. I try to rise above it. I try not to play into it but have had lapses where I have fought back with some comments I'm not proud of. I have been seeking IC for dealing with the emotionally/verbal abuse durring our marriage and for depression associated with the relationship. We have been going to MC for the last 6 months just trying to work through some of our issues (trust, controlling behaviors, anger management, and communication). Even our therapist won't breach subjects head on because of how volitile she becomes. When I told her that I was unsure if continuing in this marriage is the right thing to do she said that until I figure it out that she won't be going to MC any more. Not until I know if I want to be with her. Proclaiming it's a wast of her time. I honestly am starting to believe that she is right. After last weeks explosion where she started throwing books at me during an arguement over a hypothetical situation that she brought up I feel like the abusive patterns she exhibits are more than I'm willing to deal with. I feel like unless all things go her way there is always hell to pay. There is constant insinuation/verbalization from her that I am being unfaithful or lying or don't love her or am just a POS. Usually based off of her getting cought in a game (changes her stance mid arguemnet just to be right) during our arguments. Then the name calling begins and the attacks on who I am and how I have done her wrong and how she has always been a saint start rolling out. I addmit that when we were dating I lied and crossed lines flirting with other women but have cleaned up my act (stopped drinking/partying talking to females) and done right by her since we have been married. Can you ever live down the past? Seems as though I can't in this relationship no matter how well I behave. On to my current situation... The proposal came in one of our discusions about our possible divorce and this is how it went. I am stationed in England and my wife has threatened to leave back to the states with our son and not let me see him till the divorce is final or until I return (about 20 months from now) until recently... She proposed that she would stay until my tour is over but only if she gets everything (all house hold goods to include premarrital assets) and I take all the debt(70K including cars). Though the prospect of being able to spend the next 20 Months with my son is exactly what I want. This will financially break me, leaving me no money to be able to afford a good lawyer to fight for an agreeable custody settlement. Historicly she has threatened the "standard" custody which is useless (every other weekend is laughable) when you are military stationed across the country or across the world. So any input would be helpful... I know she's trying to play my love for him against me but I still don't know what to do. Just tell her I want equitable distribution and let the lawyers fight it out and sacrafice time with my son in the present just for a chance in court that might give me more time down the road. Any advise is welcome. | |||
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