My pain and her pain

Me and my wife were talking about the 4 month affair she had 4 years ago. I still have times that I trigger and have problems. I also hooked up with a escort a few months before hers started for a HJ. She has a hard time talking to me with out getting upset, but did a pretty good job this time. What lead up to the affair was about 10 years of relationship problems. Mainly me doing whatever I wanted and spending what I wanted. She came to me about it but it always ended in a fight. I also had resentments towards her for always quitting work during the hard times. She said she wasn't going to work to pay for the things I wanted. She also was self medicating at those times. I know I was wrong for most of the things I done and own up to them. She also owns up to the affair and said what I did was no excuse for her to have the affair. The thing is almost every time I come to her when I have triggers she insists on comparing the pain of how she felt unloved and how I didn't take care of us financially during that time (which I did we lived very good but in debt), to the pain I have of her affair as being equal. She says the thing I did with the escort doesn't bother her as much as the money I spent and neglect that she felt. It wasn't that one sided though. I was smothered by her when we were first married and I have always been the type of person that has something going on. I raced Dirt bikes, then go karts for a while etc. Also bought cars and motor home that we all used. I always sold something before I moved on to the next. We didn't communicate very well at all which contributed to the problems. Is really possible the pain she feels for the things I did in the past is as bad as her 4 month physical/emotional affair with all the betrayal and lying etc. She doesn't bring it up other then when I bring up a trigger or something. She just wants to make sure I know it is equal to my pain, and will bring up anything in the past she can to try and convince me or make me understand. I just don't compare the 2 as the same. She could of left me, threatened divorce, etc. instead of seeking attention somewhere else. She claims she didn't want to because she still loved me. Sorry I am not giving anymore info then this, what do you all think?

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