| My husband and I been married for 5 years. We got pregnant and married very quickly within 6 months. In the beginning he was a heavy drinker and just did not want to grow up. Over time that faded slowly and what took its place was his anger. Over the past 3 years he has been nothing but emotionally abusive and draining. I always told him how i felt, that I felt unloved and that the way he would talk to me was hurtful but nothing changed his attitude. To be clear he never laid a hand on me yet at times I wish he would have because the sting would not last as long. I always knew he was an amazing person but he just never knew how to let that person out and express himself without the use of his anger and yelling. I loved this man with all of what I had inside of me. I could have loved him for the rest of my life if he would have just given me what I needed....So finally a year ago I quit making excuses for him and decided that he will never change and that all I can do is decide to live with it or not. Well I decided to no longer allow him to effect my every day mood or our children. I pulled out of the marriage emotionally so he could no longer have a hold on my feelings. Once I decided to pull back emotionally of course everything changed because I visably no longer "cared". Nothing he could say or do could effect me anymore. We bascially became just roomates raising children together and splitting bills. During this time I would continue to be open and honest and tell him that he was pushing me away by not being there for me and not putting any effort into our marriage. A year went by until finally 3 months ago I finally asked him to leave. i told him I wanted to be seperated and that I was no longer in love with him and have not been in a long time. He said he felt like it came out of no where when in all truth I had been telling him all along he just chose not to listen. He did not want to leave. He begged and pleaded for another chance but I had been giving him chance after chance for years to change. once I started to see his attitude spill over into the personalities of our children I could no longer handle it because at this point it was not about me any more. Every time he would beg I would stay strong and tell him nothing but the truth, that I am just so far gone out of this marriage and that this seperation is new to him but it is not at all to me. I have been emotionally seperated from this man for years. Hes been staying at his moms and we've been getting along great for the kids. He is still very hurt and cries pretty much every time he sees me. He has been going to counciling and has gotten help for his anger. I can see the changes in him with the kids and his every day attitude. This has definitly been a wake up call for him. Even with seeing all the change I still can not bring myself to the place to where I want to stay married to him. I feel so disconnected from him I am not sure if there is ever a going back from that. There is zero fire in side of me that wants to work it out because of the two of us. The only thing that is holding me back from getting a divorce is my kids. I look at him and see how much he has changed and I think about how our life could be great together if he continues on this path to healing but I know down in my heart I could really never love him the same. I have told him all of this I have been nothing but honest with him. He begs to allow him to win me back , to court me all over again. I just dont think that is fair to him. This man that is clearly in love with me trying so hard to win me back and my heart is just no longer in it. I want to give him a chance but I just can not find any other reason but my kids to do it. They are number one in my life and they have a major influence in every decision on make so they are enough to try but I can not get past the guilt of feeling NOTHING for him any more and dating him all over again. I am so very confused on what to do really. We have been to conseling and continue to go but even when Im there im really only there to support him. I know love is not every thing but isnt it a big thing ? Are the kids enough reason to try if I know he has really changed ? I am so very terrified of letting him down all over again if this dating thing does not work and I feel in my heart it will not........:confused: :confused: | |||
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