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Guilt and the future...

Sometimes I wonder if my STBXW would have been better off if she didn't meet me let alone marry me. When I first met her, she was upright, stood tall, confident and had a good head on her shoulders. Over the years, I've destroyed her... cheated on her once in a ONS, denying her sex even if her demands were quite excessive, pulled her away from her church community as I wasn't christian. Now she's getting fat... and lazy, and wants to sell the house - which she now owns.

When I look at what I've done (sure, she did her share of damage as well - but I'm only responsible for my OWN actions)... it makes me feel guilty and when I look at the future, I don't know. I'm not attracted to women who aren't spirited, yet when I look at what I've done... it makes me feel that it would be safer if I just hid away lest I destroy another soul. Hence another reason for my celibacy.

Anyone else feels this way?




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