Need help with marriage of 20 years

Hello everyone, Im new here, and just reaffirming what I already suspect or know is right. I have been married to my wife for almost 20 years, and during the first 5-10 years, we fought quite a bit, as I suspected she was cheating, Whenever I did attempt to discuss the issues she would get very defensive and state that she could not deal with the accussations anymore and would become almost violent. I always managed to diffuse the situation, and we remained together. Just so that there is no misunderstanding on myself being a "paranoid husband" at the time. My suspicions arose when she became very close with a coworker, and she was texting back and forth between 100 and 200 text by 9 Am in the morning. I then caught a text message from this coworker that stated "good night love" when I questioned her about it, she stated that it was simply a joke that the others coworkers had come up with and it was simply referencing a movie quote,furthermore I had found a disposable douche package under the sink, (this was very odd as in 6 years she had never used one), she brush ed that off as well. This did blow over after she had left that job, however it was brought to my attention that she had sex with a friend of mine at a park before that incident from a mutual friend who was with them at the time, she once again stated that if I kept accusing her she would seek a divorce. there were other incidences that have occurred but all are similar to what I listed above. We eventually moved out of state and things seemed to be on the right track, however she is very very flirtatious and to this day that continues, I suppose my suspicions are right but looking for some input. Additional point is she has a child from a previous relationship that I have fathered for many years, and the young man (14) has been arrested 6 times in the last month and is currently awaiting numerous court dates, I have argued with her on what should take place numerous times due to his inability to coexist legally like everyone else. I have suggested that he not have a cell ph one, she disagrees, I have suggested that some sort of grounding occur, she disagrees, I have suggested that he not have cable and video games while in his room, she disagrees. The offenses he has pending are substantial marijuana possession X 3, Grand theft, as well a tobacco violation. I feel as though these are serious for anyone let alone a 14 year old, however she feels as though she should love him more.He continues to come in at 9 PM or later and is usually high or drunk, with no repercussions. He continues to test positive on his court mandated drug tests, her answer is to give him more free time, I have had friends mention my same concerns and she becomes belligerent to them, I assume she is denial, as we have similar discipline issues with others, but not of the magnitude with him. Im not sure where to go from here as the bedroom life is non existent unless she feels lke doing something which could be once a month some twice a month on a good month. These are the l ight points, there have been more severe issues, just looking fro some advise. A little about me, I am by n means spineless or a whimp and have never had a problem getting women however I feel after almost 20 years Im losing my mind, as she continues to tell me, that she is doing nohing wrong and its all me.

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