I've seen a few posts with the question, "I've already divorced twice+ should I remarry again?" Of course it is a personal question and specific to the individuals situation but extracted from several articles and a story I have for someone else- here is food for thought:(note, I am still on my first marriage so no personal experience)
Thoughts:
1) Are the patterns that lead you to divorces 1-2-3-etc. still in place, is your new relationship starting off the same way as the previous ones? Or is it different and how so?
2) Can you honestly afford it - pure reality question if you are paying through the teeth for alimony, child support etc.
3) What are your deal breakers? Not a huge fan of Dr. Phil but stole this one from him, if you have a laundry list of these you probably are better off alone, there should only be 3-5 otherwise your expectations for other people might simply be too high!?! For the ladies I would offer in my impromptu research the belief that many of you go into marriage with unrealistic expectations came up again and again from both male and female authors, counselors etc...part of the Disney princess syndrome perhaps (just food for thought)
4) Are you in love with the potential new spouse or in love with the idea of marriage? The first one is positive, the second one is neutral but by itself probably not a good reason to go forward.
5) What does it say if you have to ask the question of whether or not to marry again? Not a good idea to get married if you're not confident, though past failures certainly need to be considered and understandably make one hesitant - this one could be more a question of timing - are you ready to marry again? more so than 'should' you marry again....
Short story: One of my best friends moms has married 5 times - that's right folks - 5 times, 3 divorces and widow to her first husband. However, she has been happily married to husband #5 for 30yrs and if you met them I promise it would be hard to imagine them not together. Asked once why all the marriages and the main response was that through the previous 4 she learned who she was, who she wasn't, what her deal breakers were and what, in the end, she no longer cared about in a marriage but did once (ie. the reality of other people vs. the idealization of other people...deal breakers...etc)...a refinement of how to be a married person is how she describes it....she has two daughters, 1 from husband 1 and 1 from husband 3.
Maybe this will help some of you who are wondering 'should I do this again'.....obviously is much more complicated and there are more questions to be asked than just those above but these tended to come up the most in my research on the topic and supported what one woman told me about her 5 husbands....
Thoughts:
1) Are the patterns that lead you to divorces 1-2-3-etc. still in place, is your new relationship starting off the same way as the previous ones? Or is it different and how so?
2) Can you honestly afford it - pure reality question if you are paying through the teeth for alimony, child support etc.
3) What are your deal breakers? Not a huge fan of Dr. Phil but stole this one from him, if you have a laundry list of these you probably are better off alone, there should only be 3-5 otherwise your expectations for other people might simply be too high!?! For the ladies I would offer in my impromptu research the belief that many of you go into marriage with unrealistic expectations came up again and again from both male and female authors, counselors etc...part of the Disney princess syndrome perhaps (just food for thought)
4) Are you in love with the potential new spouse or in love with the idea of marriage? The first one is positive, the second one is neutral but by itself probably not a good reason to go forward.
5) What does it say if you have to ask the question of whether or not to marry again? Not a good idea to get married if you're not confident, though past failures certainly need to be considered and understandably make one hesitant - this one could be more a question of timing - are you ready to marry again? more so than 'should' you marry again....
Short story: One of my best friends moms has married 5 times - that's right folks - 5 times, 3 divorces and widow to her first husband. However, she has been happily married to husband #5 for 30yrs and if you met them I promise it would be hard to imagine them not together. Asked once why all the marriages and the main response was that through the previous 4 she learned who she was, who she wasn't, what her deal breakers were and what, in the end, she no longer cared about in a marriage but did once (ie. the reality of other people vs. the idealization of other people...deal breakers...etc)...a refinement of how to be a married person is how she describes it....she has two daughters, 1 from husband 1 and 1 from husband 3.
Maybe this will help some of you who are wondering 'should I do this again'.....obviously is much more complicated and there are more questions to be asked than just those above but these tended to come up the most in my research on the topic and supported what one woman told me about her 5 husbands....
Put the internet to work for you.
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