Hello, new to the group, and looking for some advice. I have been generally happily married to my wife for around 14 years. We have two children (9 yrs old).
Around 4 months ago my father in law got very sick. Everyone thought he was going to pass away at any moment. My wife had hysterical bouts of crying and she would not even let me hold her or console her. After some time had passed, and her father was fighting to stay alive, she basically told me she lost interest in me. On top of this, she had been going through heat flashes and the beginnings of menopause which had made her a bit miserable. On top of this, she just got a double masters degree and a huge promotion at work and a huge raise, and pretty much doubles my salary now. I had been the bread winner for the first 6 years, then she took over. I helped her through the struggles of getting her degree and used to check her papers, etc. I was very happy for her, until all this went down. I recently switched jobs because i despised a position that I took and dreaded going to work. I took a pay cut (not that bad of a cut, but noticeable), but I am now much happier. Sh e told me I let down the family by doing that, and she thinks I lost my drive. She might be right, as my last job really took its toll on me with stress and anxiety. She has her own issues at work with the pressure of her new increased role at work. Bottom line is there is alot of crap going on, and my wife cant stand me anymore, AND she started smoking, which she knows I also despise. I have tried to keep an open mind on this and we have spoken briefly about what is going on. The kids are first priority for both of, although I wonder what they notice. We talk decently to each other, but there is definitely an undertone of anger/tension, etc. I am frustrated, sad, beaten down. Her father is now doing better, not out of the woods, but better, and she is still cold. I dont know how much more time I can live with her hating me, and the thought of leaving sometimes makes me feel better, but the kids pull me back in. We dont do anything anymore, at least not happily. S he stinks of smoke even though she tries to hide it. There is nothing good at all going on here. I have asked her to talk about it, and she is always "not ready" to talk. I just want my wife back, but I can also accept walking away because we might all be happier. How much time does a person give something like this? Any thoughts at all would be accepted with thanks.
Oh, one more thing...for 13 years I have handled the budget. She showed no interest in it. We generated quite a bit of debt, and have been on a five year plan to be debt free. We are in year three. It would be very difficult to sell our house as we are upside down. The sole source of our savings is a large chunk of money that I had been putting in HER 401k plan. It would be more than enough to cover the shortfall on our house and we both come out free and clear with a little bit left. Its not optimal. She blames me for our money "woes" because she wont listen to the overall timeframe. She just sees debt and goes nuts because she makes alot of money. Has no clue about finances, etc. Just throwing that wrinkle in....
Around 4 months ago my father in law got very sick. Everyone thought he was going to pass away at any moment. My wife had hysterical bouts of crying and she would not even let me hold her or console her. After some time had passed, and her father was fighting to stay alive, she basically told me she lost interest in me. On top of this, she had been going through heat flashes and the beginnings of menopause which had made her a bit miserable. On top of this, she just got a double masters degree and a huge promotion at work and a huge raise, and pretty much doubles my salary now. I had been the bread winner for the first 6 years, then she took over. I helped her through the struggles of getting her degree and used to check her papers, etc. I was very happy for her, until all this went down. I recently switched jobs because i despised a position that I took and dreaded going to work. I took a pay cut (not that bad of a cut, but noticeable), but I am now much happier. Sh e told me I let down the family by doing that, and she thinks I lost my drive. She might be right, as my last job really took its toll on me with stress and anxiety. She has her own issues at work with the pressure of her new increased role at work. Bottom line is there is alot of crap going on, and my wife cant stand me anymore, AND she started smoking, which she knows I also despise. I have tried to keep an open mind on this and we have spoken briefly about what is going on. The kids are first priority for both of, although I wonder what they notice. We talk decently to each other, but there is definitely an undertone of anger/tension, etc. I am frustrated, sad, beaten down. Her father is now doing better, not out of the woods, but better, and she is still cold. I dont know how much more time I can live with her hating me, and the thought of leaving sometimes makes me feel better, but the kids pull me back in. We dont do anything anymore, at least not happily. S he stinks of smoke even though she tries to hide it. There is nothing good at all going on here. I have asked her to talk about it, and she is always "not ready" to talk. I just want my wife back, but I can also accept walking away because we might all be happier. How much time does a person give something like this? Any thoughts at all would be accepted with thanks.
Oh, one more thing...for 13 years I have handled the budget. She showed no interest in it. We generated quite a bit of debt, and have been on a five year plan to be debt free. We are in year three. It would be very difficult to sell our house as we are upside down. The sole source of our savings is a large chunk of money that I had been putting in HER 401k plan. It would be more than enough to cover the shortfall on our house and we both come out free and clear with a little bit left. Its not optimal. She blames me for our money "woes" because she wont listen to the overall timeframe. She just sees debt and goes nuts because she makes alot of money. Has no clue about finances, etc. Just throwing that wrinkle in....
Put the internet to work for you.
| |
| Recommended for you |
No comments:
Post a Comment