I'm brand new here and I Need some advice and perspective!!
Hubby and I have been together 13 years, married for 9, two kids aged 8 and a 7 month old baby. Our life was picture perfect - been together since late teens/early 20's, put eachother thru school, built my husbands career - we have a beautiful home, two beautiful kids and wonderful group of friends we travel and do everything with. We were like the Cleavers! Everyone who knows us always says w have the "dream marriage". Sex is good, we are both in shape and active, always doing things together and as a family....
So I was BLOWN away last month - I read an article about the spotlight search on an IPHONE and how you can read deleted texts. I was 100% sure my husband would NEVER cheat on me - he promised me allllll the time he was not that type of man. Well on FATHERS DAY I found the deleted texts - it's hard to make sense of them because they show up out of order and no date, but they were obviously suspicious things like "I have a huge d***" and "send me more pics!! You're smoking hot!!!"
I sent the kids to my dad and confronted him and he hung his head and admitted everything...here's his claim:
10 months ago (I was 7 months pregnant) he got bored with porb so started browsing craigslist as a new form of porn. Says he did that for a few months till he thought it'd be more exciting to contact them. So he set up a fake email account and started emailing girls two weeks before our second son was born!! Dirty emails about what wants to do to them and asking for pics and to make plans to meet up. This went on for months - he says he would go a couple days or weeks without doing it because he knew it was wrong, but then start doing it again. When he was doing it he would do it for 3-4 days I. A row emailing dozens and dozens of girls at a time.
Emails then escalated to texts. He got a few addressss and arranged meet ups - now that I know he says he NEVER went thru with any of them, it was just so they would keep sending him pics.
He did admit to meeting one girl at a bar for beers - I called her and she told me they met for beers and she was annoyed because he talked about me and the kids the whole time. He said he did that because he felt soooo guilty the whole time.
He has told me "everything". I have all his passwords and have read every email. None actually indicate he went thru with anything...
We are paying a fortune for couples counseling. The counselor even told me he can see the shame and regret in my husband....
He says he is 10000% committed to me. We have started going to church again and it is really helping him. After every sermon he says he feels even worse about what he did because he realizes how bad he messed up...
The only contact he had with a girl was on a business trip...his coworkers all got drunk and they wound up at a strip club. He admitted to a lap dance. I'm sick to my stomachs, but appreciate that he's being honest about the details no matter how embarrassing they are to admit.
Everyday he gets home and give and his phone to look thru. We are on the same iCloud account so I can't see his exact location and websites he's on...he does seem to be trying...
I just can't get past the hurt!!!
I know emotional affairs with one person are very hard, it at least they make sense. This doesn't make any sense. He went looking in the scuzziest place on earth - he said he liked the thrill of the chase and the excitement of getting a reply. My husband is good looking and said he didn't feel like I appreciated him enough. He liked being told how hot he was....
This went on for months!!! He talked to so many girls...saw soooo many pictures of naked girls bodies. I hate it...
Another bad part is that all of our friends know. The night I found out I was so upset I thought our marriage was over so I told them all...we do everything with these families. All our kids are in school and sports together...its all so embarrassing. Like I said, we were the golden family everyone looked up to...
Where do I go from here? Can he really change? Or should I just throw in the towel...????
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Hubby and I have been together 13 years, married for 9, two kids aged 8 and a 7 month old baby. Our life was picture perfect - been together since late teens/early 20's, put eachother thru school, built my husbands career - we have a beautiful home, two beautiful kids and wonderful group of friends we travel and do everything with. We were like the Cleavers! Everyone who knows us always says w have the "dream marriage". Sex is good, we are both in shape and active, always doing things together and as a family....
So I was BLOWN away last month - I read an article about the spotlight search on an IPHONE and how you can read deleted texts. I was 100% sure my husband would NEVER cheat on me - he promised me allllll the time he was not that type of man. Well on FATHERS DAY I found the deleted texts - it's hard to make sense of them because they show up out of order and no date, but they were obviously suspicious things like "I have a huge d***" and "send me more pics!! You're smoking hot!!!"
I sent the kids to my dad and confronted him and he hung his head and admitted everything...here's his claim:
10 months ago (I was 7 months pregnant) he got bored with porb so started browsing craigslist as a new form of porn. Says he did that for a few months till he thought it'd be more exciting to contact them. So he set up a fake email account and started emailing girls two weeks before our second son was born!! Dirty emails about what wants to do to them and asking for pics and to make plans to meet up. This went on for months - he says he would go a couple days or weeks without doing it because he knew it was wrong, but then start doing it again. When he was doing it he would do it for 3-4 days I. A row emailing dozens and dozens of girls at a time.
Emails then escalated to texts. He got a few addressss and arranged meet ups - now that I know he says he NEVER went thru with any of them, it was just so they would keep sending him pics.
He did admit to meeting one girl at a bar for beers - I called her and she told me they met for beers and she was annoyed because he talked about me and the kids the whole time. He said he did that because he felt soooo guilty the whole time.
He has told me "everything". I have all his passwords and have read every email. None actually indicate he went thru with anything...
We are paying a fortune for couples counseling. The counselor even told me he can see the shame and regret in my husband....
He says he is 10000% committed to me. We have started going to church again and it is really helping him. After every sermon he says he feels even worse about what he did because he realizes how bad he messed up...
The only contact he had with a girl was on a business trip...his coworkers all got drunk and they wound up at a strip club. He admitted to a lap dance. I'm sick to my stomachs, but appreciate that he's being honest about the details no matter how embarrassing they are to admit.
Everyday he gets home and give and his phone to look thru. We are on the same iCloud account so I can't see his exact location and websites he's on...he does seem to be trying...
I just can't get past the hurt!!!
I know emotional affairs with one person are very hard, it at least they make sense. This doesn't make any sense. He went looking in the scuzziest place on earth - he said he liked the thrill of the chase and the excitement of getting a reply. My husband is good looking and said he didn't feel like I appreciated him enough. He liked being told how hot he was....
This went on for months!!! He talked to so many girls...saw soooo many pictures of naked girls bodies. I hate it...
Another bad part is that all of our friends know. The night I found out I was so upset I thought our marriage was over so I told them all...we do everything with these families. All our kids are in school and sports together...its all so embarrassing. Like I said, we were the golden family everyone looked up to...
Where do I go from here? Can he really change? Or should I just throw in the towel...????
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