Hello All,
I'm struggling, I really am struggling. I'm married and have been in this relationship for over 10 years. We have 3 beautiful children and a mortgage. I work Monday to Friday during the day and my wife works Sunday to Thursday during the night.
This is what it takes to own a house, send our children to private (Cheaper version but still private) school, and keep all the bills payed. We have both suffered psychologically in this relationship and I feel it is because it's success is unattainable.
In this country, to be able to call your home your own and raise a family you need to be bringing in $100,000 AUS dollars per annum minimum. So before tax that means one person has to be on $150,000+, or two people have to be on $60,000+.
Raising a family and caring for the house hold is a full time job in it self. My point that I'm trying to make here is that my wife and I have 1.5 full time jobs each and subsequently have both sacrificed our own pleasures and our relationship to put our children and our finical future first.
If we did not have children, we would both work during the day, and have plenty of time together at night and on the weekends to maintain our relationship. Alternatively, if one of us was earning $150k, the other would not need to work and be able to take full duty of the children and house, again leaving time to maintain a relationship.
So how does a couple maintain balance when they both have to work, have kids and a mortgage and keep their relationship humming along nicely? The demands of children through the week and we usually spend the weekend catching up on choirs that we could not get too during the week. Other then that, we both just want to do nothing due to fatigue.
One of my biggest issues is with our sex life. (surprise surprise) 7 years ago it started to get really ordinary. Her rejections, and then pity sex have messed my head up and now I find it hard to enjoy sex with her. One year ago I suffered ED (psychological). I seem to be ok now but if I ever don't last long I get worried. The psychological effects of the ED have continued.
I have so little self esteem, I would be scared to even try having an affair (even know my wife has given me permission to sleep with other women if that's what I want!) out of fear of not performing or being rejected. 6 years ago I had an opportunity to have an affair with a hot woman. I did not take that opportunity and now I feel like an idiot. I should have f%$ked her when I had the chance before I started feeling like the way I do. I feel that a positive sexual experience with another woman would have helped me not be the way I am now.
I feel like my relationship, the love I once felt for my wife, and my sex life are pretty much over and that that's what is necessary to be successful. I could not pack my bags, lose the house, have no money to help our children, risk some other joker playing father to my children (that is MY job), just so I can "get some" and feel better about myself. I do care for my wife very much! I give her massages and help around the house as much as I can and I just spent $550 on her for Christmas. So I don't hate her, it's just my needs are not getting met and neither are hers and I can't find a solution.
We do get some baby sitting on Sundays but my life is just not enjoyable and I can't find peace. Do I have to wait till the kids have moved out before I can have some kind of life again?
Thanks in advance for any pointers.
Cheers
I'm struggling, I really am struggling. I'm married and have been in this relationship for over 10 years. We have 3 beautiful children and a mortgage. I work Monday to Friday during the day and my wife works Sunday to Thursday during the night.
This is what it takes to own a house, send our children to private (Cheaper version but still private) school, and keep all the bills payed. We have both suffered psychologically in this relationship and I feel it is because it's success is unattainable.
In this country, to be able to call your home your own and raise a family you need to be bringing in $100,000 AUS dollars per annum minimum. So before tax that means one person has to be on $150,000+, or two people have to be on $60,000+.
Raising a family and caring for the house hold is a full time job in it self. My point that I'm trying to make here is that my wife and I have 1.5 full time jobs each and subsequently have both sacrificed our own pleasures and our relationship to put our children and our finical future first.
If we did not have children, we would both work during the day, and have plenty of time together at night and on the weekends to maintain our relationship. Alternatively, if one of us was earning $150k, the other would not need to work and be able to take full duty of the children and house, again leaving time to maintain a relationship.
So how does a couple maintain balance when they both have to work, have kids and a mortgage and keep their relationship humming along nicely? The demands of children through the week and we usually spend the weekend catching up on choirs that we could not get too during the week. Other then that, we both just want to do nothing due to fatigue.
One of my biggest issues is with our sex life. (surprise surprise) 7 years ago it started to get really ordinary. Her rejections, and then pity sex have messed my head up and now I find it hard to enjoy sex with her. One year ago I suffered ED (psychological). I seem to be ok now but if I ever don't last long I get worried. The psychological effects of the ED have continued.
I have so little self esteem, I would be scared to even try having an affair (even know my wife has given me permission to sleep with other women if that's what I want!) out of fear of not performing or being rejected. 6 years ago I had an opportunity to have an affair with a hot woman. I did not take that opportunity and now I feel like an idiot. I should have f%$ked her when I had the chance before I started feeling like the way I do. I feel that a positive sexual experience with another woman would have helped me not be the way I am now.
I feel like my relationship, the love I once felt for my wife, and my sex life are pretty much over and that that's what is necessary to be successful. I could not pack my bags, lose the house, have no money to help our children, risk some other joker playing father to my children (that is MY job), just so I can "get some" and feel better about myself. I do care for my wife very much! I give her massages and help around the house as much as I can and I just spent $550 on her for Christmas. So I don't hate her, it's just my needs are not getting met and neither are hers and I can't find a solution.
We do get some baby sitting on Sundays but my life is just not enjoyable and I can't find peace. Do I have to wait till the kids have moved out before I can have some kind of life again?
Thanks in advance for any pointers.
Cheers
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