I cheated on my wife earlier this year. I had an affair with a woman on my job and it lasted 3 months. I had a lot of problems in my marriage so the affair was welcome in the beginning. After about a month in, I realized how much I loved my wife and I began to feel guilty about the affair. I ended it with the other woman and she wasn't happy about it because she was under the impression that I would leave my wife and kids for her. I switched shifts at work so I could avoid seeing her since she was smothering me and I knew it was a matter of time before my wife found out. After a while of me ignoring her and being cold, she got the message and moved on. At the time, I didn't tell my wife about any of this. I just ended the affair and decided to work on my own marriage.
About 1 month after I ended my own affair, I found out my wife was having an affair. I confronted her about it and she said she would stop. At that point, she told me that it was an emotional affair with just emailing and texting. I thought everything was going good after that but a couple weeks later, I was hit hard. I found out that all she did was try to hide the affair more secretly and she was still seeing and talking to the guy. I blew up on her and we separated for a while. I was hurt that she would do this to me. She had her opportunity to end it when I found out about it the first time but she chose not to. She swore to me that she would not talk or see him again but come to find out, she was seeing him and talking to him everyday.
After a 2 week separation, I moved back in and we've been trying to work on the marriage. She says that she is sorry for what happened and she claims to be hurt. Honestly, the only reason why I didn't leave her over this was because I knew that I cheated on her in the past and I felt guilty about it. I think my guilt over that is one of the few reasons why I'm trying to forgive her and move on with the marriage. We do have kids together so that is another factor. One thing that really pisses me off is the fact that she lied to me about cutting off contact because she still wanted to be with him. As I told you before, I felt very guilty when I was in the affair and I was terrified that she would find out. Had she found out about it, I would have ended it immediately. I wouldn't had lied to her and try to continue the affair like she did to me.
With things as strained as they are now, would it benefit us in any way for me to tell her that I also cheated? We have been going to counseling and I haven't told our counselor that I cheated. We both have acknowledged that there are problems in our marriage and that we need to work on them. Every time that I think about leaving for good, I think back about how I cheated on her and the guilt of her not knowing makes me want to give her another chance. One of the big problems in our marriage is sex. She doesn't enjoy it at all and says that it hurt. For that reason, we rarely have sex. She claims that she didn't have sex with the other man but she said that if he asked her, she probably would have done it. I know she would be hurt to know that during my affair, I had sex with the other woman 4-5 times per week. Should I tell her or should I just keep it secret? My goal is to heal my marriage and move on so I don't want to introduce anything that could hurt those chances. On t he other hand, I don't know if telling her what I did would make me feel better and I can finally move on. Any help would be appreciated.
About 1 month after I ended my own affair, I found out my wife was having an affair. I confronted her about it and she said she would stop. At that point, she told me that it was an emotional affair with just emailing and texting. I thought everything was going good after that but a couple weeks later, I was hit hard. I found out that all she did was try to hide the affair more secretly and she was still seeing and talking to the guy. I blew up on her and we separated for a while. I was hurt that she would do this to me. She had her opportunity to end it when I found out about it the first time but she chose not to. She swore to me that she would not talk or see him again but come to find out, she was seeing him and talking to him everyday.
After a 2 week separation, I moved back in and we've been trying to work on the marriage. She says that she is sorry for what happened and she claims to be hurt. Honestly, the only reason why I didn't leave her over this was because I knew that I cheated on her in the past and I felt guilty about it. I think my guilt over that is one of the few reasons why I'm trying to forgive her and move on with the marriage. We do have kids together so that is another factor. One thing that really pisses me off is the fact that she lied to me about cutting off contact because she still wanted to be with him. As I told you before, I felt very guilty when I was in the affair and I was terrified that she would find out. Had she found out about it, I would have ended it immediately. I wouldn't had lied to her and try to continue the affair like she did to me.
With things as strained as they are now, would it benefit us in any way for me to tell her that I also cheated? We have been going to counseling and I haven't told our counselor that I cheated. We both have acknowledged that there are problems in our marriage and that we need to work on them. Every time that I think about leaving for good, I think back about how I cheated on her and the guilt of her not knowing makes me want to give her another chance. One of the big problems in our marriage is sex. She doesn't enjoy it at all and says that it hurt. For that reason, we rarely have sex. She claims that she didn't have sex with the other man but she said that if he asked her, she probably would have done it. I know she would be hurt to know that during my affair, I had sex with the other woman 4-5 times per week. Should I tell her or should I just keep it secret? My goal is to heal my marriage and move on so I don't want to introduce anything that could hurt those chances. On t he other hand, I don't know if telling her what I did would make me feel better and I can finally move on. Any help would be appreciated.
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