My wife and I have been married 14 yrs, 2 children under 14. Things are generally well despite a rocky patch last year and financial struggles more recently.
She has stated in one form or another every day I've known her that she is physically 'tired'. I regularly talk to her about checking into the doctors to have blood tests etc but she doesn't think it necessary. The times she has results have been normal. She has returned back to work 3 days-week.
Letting me know she's tired seems almost habitual - I've got used to it. I hope one day she'll reply 'I feel good/great' when asked how she feels. I also have concerns of the unconscious long term effect it has on the children. Young children are full of life and I assume aren't so aware of their tiredness to express it . They just sleep or go in a mood but I'm aware of ours expressing it frequently and I wonder if it is learned behaviour.
She is 42, a little overweight and her exercise is a 20 min walk of the dog though she spends much of the time on her feet as she doesn't seem able to stop and allow her time for herself to relax (which I try to make clear and encourage her to do).
The thing I want to talk about in relation to this is how couples communicate in particular the Regular Man/Validating man response to their partner which I read a comment about by ComicBooklady in another thread. I will copy and paste the relevant piece below to avoid this becoming a monster opening with numerous tentacles!
Today when she said she was tired, I (carefully) suggested she might want to 'fight fire with fire' and think of getting the cardio going and go for a run and improve her fruit/water intake (well below recommended). She laughed in slight disbelief and said she'd rather I had replied something like 'sit down and I'll get us wine and a take away'. I think my comment is going to be thrown back in my face at some point in the not too distant future - you just know don't you..
Should I have been validating man and say 'yes, you're on your feet all day and work so hard' which she does, but can't to allow herself to rest? It's harder to simply validate when the tiredness is such a recurring issue.
She has stated in one form or another every day I've known her that she is physically 'tired'. I regularly talk to her about checking into the doctors to have blood tests etc but she doesn't think it necessary. The times she has results have been normal. She has returned back to work 3 days-week.
Letting me know she's tired seems almost habitual - I've got used to it. I hope one day she'll reply 'I feel good/great' when asked how she feels. I also have concerns of the unconscious long term effect it has on the children. Young children are full of life and I assume aren't so aware of their tiredness to express it . They just sleep or go in a mood but I'm aware of ours expressing it frequently and I wonder if it is learned behaviour.
She is 42, a little overweight and her exercise is a 20 min walk of the dog though she spends much of the time on her feet as she doesn't seem able to stop and allow her time for herself to relax (which I try to make clear and encourage her to do).
The thing I want to talk about in relation to this is how couples communicate in particular the Regular Man/Validating man response to their partner which I read a comment about by ComicBooklady in another thread. I will copy and paste the relevant piece below to avoid this becoming a monster opening with numerous tentacles!
Today when she said she was tired, I (carefully) suggested she might want to 'fight fire with fire' and think of getting the cardio going and go for a run and improve her fruit/water intake (well below recommended). She laughed in slight disbelief and said she'd rather I had replied something like 'sit down and I'll get us wine and a take away'. I think my comment is going to be thrown back in my face at some point in the not too distant future - you just know don't you..
Should I have been validating man and say 'yes, you're on your feet all day and work so hard' which she does, but can't to allow herself to rest? It's harder to simply validate when the tiredness is such a recurring issue.
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