My wife and I will have been married for 3 years in Oct. We've recently separated. 6 weeks now. The initial fight that caused this was her picking a fight with me for the fourth time that day. I had been recently medicated to control my anxiety and anger. I have/had a horrible temper in the last 6 months since she's moved back in. So for the month I had been medicated. I was calm, happy. No fight. No arguements. We both play and online game and she made friends with someone. This guy has been the part of our marital problems. She gives him more attention than she will me. I've made my feelings known in every way possible. He was passing through town and wanted to stop in and meet us both. I was against it because of the past. Back to the day of the arguement. She had picked a fight with me that morning, when she got home and then again 2 hours later. I walked away and sat outside she locked me out of the house. I finally snapped. The limits of my medicat ion had been pushed. Things we're said. Stuff broken and thrown around, unfortunately in front of the kids. She calls the cops and leaves. She calls the next day wanting her stuff and says she is done. I am still lacking the understanding as to why all of this has happened, but one day I will figure it out. Prior to me going and seeking therapy and medication. She started a fight with me and I calmly said I had had enough and wanted a divorce. She attempted suicide and I had to call the cops and her taken to the hospital. It was there that she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. They told her she didn't need medication, or to be locked up. She needed therapy. Which she refused to go to. I realized at that point that maybe I needed to make some changes, hence why I got the meds ect. Prior to this incident we have been separated twice. Once due to her mother and the 2nd, I can't even remember at this point. She has a full time career and degree in the cancer f ield. I have a measly part time job. I've tried very hard since August to find better employment but with no luck. She has supported us, probably 65-35 in all aspects of the marriage.
Since the most recent separation I have attempted suicide. For the first time in my life. I really didn't want to be alive anymore. Had it not been for someone in Florida, yes another state, I wouldn't be alive right now. He contacted my wife who gave him my address and the number to dispatch. She wouldn't even call herself, but whatever. I've been an emotional wreck. I don't eat, I barely sleep. I've lost probably 14-17lbs since the first of last month. She said in the beginning she wanted a divorce. She filed a dvp against me, lying to the judge about what really happened just so she could get her belongings. Which I never denied her to begin with. I tried to get one and they denied me. They denied me a mental hygeine warrant and a second DVP against her. The judge gave her a 90 day restraining order and I was in tears. I told him that all I wanted was counselling and to fix things. He told us to cool off. We've had some contact. I've given her birthday gifts that I had bou ght prior to all of this happening. At first I tried very hard to be cool, patient, give her space. The longest I went without trying to contact her was 8 days. Recently I've been more emotional than usual. I called sobbing and begging her to come back in a voicemail, sent a few texts on how I felt. She's just ignored me. Blocked me on Facebook, taken her rings off, changed to her maiden name. After the dvp hearing I immediately filed for divorce. The next day after talking to several people, went and withdrew. They told me that she hadn't been served. Well they served her anyway....
My mother told me maybe she came to a realization that she didn't want to be done with me when she got those papers, but I am not so sure. She hasn't filed since then. She hasn't cut my phone off. I have made a few emotional mistakes since all of this, but now she acts like she hates me completely. Doesn't respond to any phone call, or text.
Everyone around me tells me to give up, but I am having a hard time coming to terms with it. Out of every major relationship I've been in. This one hurts me the most. I have been able to get up and walk away from being cheated on so many times, and ****ed up in the head. This I just can't do so easily. I truly love this woman, despite all we've been through.
At this point I have no idea what to do, or what she really wants in the endgame. Mutual friends say she doesn't have that same look in her eye she had when they first met us. She's happier, she's not happy. I saw a picture of her on her social media from her birthday party on Saturday. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I haven't seen her smile like that in a long time. She's telling people she hates me and I'll get over her eventually.
I've since managed to find a second job and maybe a new one to replace my first job of 2 1/2 years. I've been medicated and calm for months now. Anger wise. I've gone a few anger management classes. I've spoke with someone and got a number for a marriage counselor, if we manage to get through this.
I just don't know what to do. Our biggest problem seems to be communication. Always has been. I really just don't understand how someone can say...oh yeah, I forgot to mention that part. One day I told her we needed to have a chat after work. She worried all day. She dropped the kids off, so they wouldn't see us fight if it came down to it. We sat in a room and calmly talked to each other for an hour. It was wonderful! No insults, no screaming, no cursing, no throwing things. In that moment, I thought we had the foothold to push our marriage back in the right direction. Things went well for the next 5 weeks until the incident. I felt like she wasn't getting her way with meeting this guy and she pushed and pushed until I snapped and then she had a reason to leave me, go back to her mothers(again) and then visit with this guy. I have never been worried about her cheating. That wasn't my issue. It was that this guy got more attention than me, and I was supposed to "deal with it" long enough to hang out for a bit.
I have so many regrets about that night. I wish I had stayed on the porch and not came back in. I wish I had just gone in the room before that and kissed her on the cheek and told her I was sorry for not paying attention(even though I don't really feel it was my fault).
Do I give her space? Do I file for divorce again? Do keep trying? If so, how do I go about it the right way? I am completely lost for once in my life.
Anyway, I am sure there are holes in my story. Feel free to ask me ANYTHING. I am open and honest and if it will help me get through this. I will gladly talk about it.
Please though. I ask one thing. I am very fragile right now and I don't need total bluntness. I need support. Which is why I am here.
Thank you all in advance. :(
Since the most recent separation I have attempted suicide. For the first time in my life. I really didn't want to be alive anymore. Had it not been for someone in Florida, yes another state, I wouldn't be alive right now. He contacted my wife who gave him my address and the number to dispatch. She wouldn't even call herself, but whatever. I've been an emotional wreck. I don't eat, I barely sleep. I've lost probably 14-17lbs since the first of last month. She said in the beginning she wanted a divorce. She filed a dvp against me, lying to the judge about what really happened just so she could get her belongings. Which I never denied her to begin with. I tried to get one and they denied me. They denied me a mental hygeine warrant and a second DVP against her. The judge gave her a 90 day restraining order and I was in tears. I told him that all I wanted was counselling and to fix things. He told us to cool off. We've had some contact. I've given her birthday gifts that I had bou ght prior to all of this happening. At first I tried very hard to be cool, patient, give her space. The longest I went without trying to contact her was 8 days. Recently I've been more emotional than usual. I called sobbing and begging her to come back in a voicemail, sent a few texts on how I felt. She's just ignored me. Blocked me on Facebook, taken her rings off, changed to her maiden name. After the dvp hearing I immediately filed for divorce. The next day after talking to several people, went and withdrew. They told me that she hadn't been served. Well they served her anyway....
My mother told me maybe she came to a realization that she didn't want to be done with me when she got those papers, but I am not so sure. She hasn't filed since then. She hasn't cut my phone off. I have made a few emotional mistakes since all of this, but now she acts like she hates me completely. Doesn't respond to any phone call, or text.
Everyone around me tells me to give up, but I am having a hard time coming to terms with it. Out of every major relationship I've been in. This one hurts me the most. I have been able to get up and walk away from being cheated on so many times, and ****ed up in the head. This I just can't do so easily. I truly love this woman, despite all we've been through.
At this point I have no idea what to do, or what she really wants in the endgame. Mutual friends say she doesn't have that same look in her eye she had when they first met us. She's happier, she's not happy. I saw a picture of her on her social media from her birthday party on Saturday. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I haven't seen her smile like that in a long time. She's telling people she hates me and I'll get over her eventually.
I've since managed to find a second job and maybe a new one to replace my first job of 2 1/2 years. I've been medicated and calm for months now. Anger wise. I've gone a few anger management classes. I've spoke with someone and got a number for a marriage counselor, if we manage to get through this.
I just don't know what to do. Our biggest problem seems to be communication. Always has been. I really just don't understand how someone can say...oh yeah, I forgot to mention that part. One day I told her we needed to have a chat after work. She worried all day. She dropped the kids off, so they wouldn't see us fight if it came down to it. We sat in a room and calmly talked to each other for an hour. It was wonderful! No insults, no screaming, no cursing, no throwing things. In that moment, I thought we had the foothold to push our marriage back in the right direction. Things went well for the next 5 weeks until the incident. I felt like she wasn't getting her way with meeting this guy and she pushed and pushed until I snapped and then she had a reason to leave me, go back to her mothers(again) and then visit with this guy. I have never been worried about her cheating. That wasn't my issue. It was that this guy got more attention than me, and I was supposed to "deal with it" long enough to hang out for a bit.
I have so many regrets about that night. I wish I had stayed on the porch and not came back in. I wish I had just gone in the room before that and kissed her on the cheek and told her I was sorry for not paying attention(even though I don't really feel it was my fault).
Do I give her space? Do I file for divorce again? Do keep trying? If so, how do I go about it the right way? I am completely lost for once in my life.
Anyway, I am sure there are holes in my story. Feel free to ask me ANYTHING. I am open and honest and if it will help me get through this. I will gladly talk about it.
Please though. I ask one thing. I am very fragile right now and I don't need total bluntness. I need support. Which is why I am here.
Thank you all in advance. :(
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