For several years now I have been trying to get my wife to work with me to follow a Dave Ramsey type budget in efforts to create a windfall and prepare for retirement. We are 38 and 37 years old and are parents of three daughters 15,13,7. Our average income is just over $160k and we have barely have enough money saved to survive for one month if we had to! I have begged her to sit down with me to develop an operating budget that we can both live with that will be long term sustainable. I recently changed my withholdings to single and 0 dependents and started putting the max amount in my 401k. This is sort of a forced savings plan. This decision angered her but she will never sit down to discuss finances so I am forced to do it on my own. She never wants to talk about it or gets instantly defensive when I suggest ways to cut spending and then it turns into a fight. She calls me controlling but in my mind, I have to take control of our finances beca use she won't participate. My wife hates being controlled. She grew up watching her father have the final say on everything in their house and her mother always complied. I tell her that we need to pick apart our expenditures line by line and think of ways to save money. For our family of five I have budgeted 900 per month for groceries and 200 per month for misc. We went over by 550 last month. I suggested making more things from scratch and she said that she never has time due to work and always cleaning the house. She only works 3 days per week and we share cooking, grocery shopping, dishes, and taking care of the kids. I work an average of 50-60 hours per week so in my mind she has 20-30 hours that I don't, yet I seem to find time to make healthy snacks from scratch. When I try to tell her that she has plenty of free time and offer examples, she takes it the wrong way. Here is an example.
Me:Rather than buy all of these expensive snacks at the store, maybe we could make some healthy snacks at home?
Her:All I do is clean and pickup, I don't have time for myself like you do.
Me:You went to the pool with the kids two days this week, went to the mall once, you worked out 5 times, met a friend for lunch on thursday, spent at least a half hour a day on Facebook and 1-1/2 hours getting ready in the morning, and besides that you worked 20 less than I did.
Her:So, I guess I won't spend time with the kids anymore since you are going to throw it up in my face. I guess I need to get a second job so you can't throw that at me anymore either. :mad:
Me:That's not what I am saying! I am simply stating a fact. I want you to spend time with the kids and you don't need to work full time but don't tell me that all you do is clean when that is simply not true.
How do I deal with this? She can't stand being questioned or approached about anything that might unveil fault on her part. She says that all I want is a puppet instead of a wife and gets instantly angry. The only thing I try to control in our lives is the finances. She decides most other things and I am fine with that. All I want is for her to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
Me:Rather than buy all of these expensive snacks at the store, maybe we could make some healthy snacks at home?
Her:All I do is clean and pickup, I don't have time for myself like you do.
Me:You went to the pool with the kids two days this week, went to the mall once, you worked out 5 times, met a friend for lunch on thursday, spent at least a half hour a day on Facebook and 1-1/2 hours getting ready in the morning, and besides that you worked 20 less than I did.
Her:So, I guess I won't spend time with the kids anymore since you are going to throw it up in my face. I guess I need to get a second job so you can't throw that at me anymore either. :mad:
Me:That's not what I am saying! I am simply stating a fact. I want you to spend time with the kids and you don't need to work full time but don't tell me that all you do is clean when that is simply not true.
How do I deal with this? She can't stand being questioned or approached about anything that might unveil fault on her part. She says that all I want is a puppet instead of a wife and gets instantly angry. The only thing I try to control in our lives is the finances. She decides most other things and I am fine with that. All I want is for her to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
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