I guess I just need to vent and to see if other people in a similar situation feel the same way that I am feeling. About 4 weeks ago my husband accidently left his facebook open. There were messages from an old school friend of both of ours. The messages themselves were innocent, except they always signed off with things like, "I miss you xx" "Cant wait to see you xx" which I thought was really weird and inappropriate. I went back and read all the messages and found a few that said "check your Whatapp" I didn't even know what this was, so I looked it up and saw that it was an instant messaging app. I was sure something was going on. We have been together for 22 years and have 3 gorgeous kids. I thought we were pretty happy and in all those years our sex life has always been good, better than good! I organised for my kids to go to their grandparents (told a fib as to why) and confronted my husband. I told another fib and told him that someone had sent me a message telling me to ask my husband about his whatsapp. I didn't really have any evidence and didn't want him to be able to make excuses. I asked him to see the whatsapp and he went off! He told me that he didn't have to show me, that I should just trust him and I was invading his privacy and he then went and locked himself in the toilet! I was so shocked and angry, I told him if he didn't come out and show me, that I was leaving and our marriage was over. He let me leave! I just walked around in a daze, I was so heart broken and thinking the worst. About 30 minutes later he pulls up beside me and tells me to get in the car and that we need to talk. Well no ****! He admitted that he had been having a 6 month sexting (EA) affair with a woman he met at the pub.(Not our school friend) He said they flirted and he liked the way it made him feel, it gave him an ego boost. He asked her for her number, knowing that he wanted to sext her and did just that the very next day. They se xted every 2nd day, 100's of texts to each other. I am heart broken and I cry all the time. I am so over crying! I hate myself right now, really hate myself! I have put on weight after having the kids, and cant help but think that that is why. He described her as thin and attractive, and younger than me, was he looking for someone who is everything I am not? I feel pathetic and stupid and replaceable, worthless I guess, like I mean nothing. Is this a normal way to feel? I don't understand why he has done this to me and he says there was no real reason, it was just something different and fun, he never thought he would hurt me, because he never thought I would ever find out. He says it had nothing to do with me and it never really meant anything, it was just like playing a game. Can I believe this? It is one thing I am really struggling with, maybe that is because I am a woman? It is really possible for someone to send 100's of intimate, sexual, dirty texts to someone for 6 m onths, and not feel any sort of emotional attachment at all? He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me and nothing like this will ever happen again. I said I want his facebook and phone passwords, but he says he is uncomfortable with this. He says he understands why I want them, but feels like I will be reading his diary if I have access to those things. This just makes me think that he has more to hide. What could he possibly write to someone else that I shouldn't read? Thank you for reading this and for letting me just get it out of my head. I lay awake at night staring at the ceiling thinking about all the things that could have ,maybe would have happened and trying to find the answers to why. It just helps to get it all out. I don't think I have ever felt this low or overwhelmed in my life, and it is nice to know that I am not alone out there.
Put the internet to work for you.
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