Basically we have been seeing each other for sex. We are friends, we laugh and joke around, watch films, listen to music.
I feel guilty about wanting her only for sex, I did not anticipate her to change her feelings so quickly, in the space of a week. The first time we had sex last week it was very intense. And that has carried on, i like her physically but i am a bit afraid of how she changed today. Sometimes we talk about our families, religion and relationships.
Well today the tone was different. She was talking about her dad dying when she was young and how she turned to religion to try and help her answer "why?" and give her strength to look after her younger siblings. I did not anticipate why she was outpouring like this. She also told me she confesses all of the things she's done to the church.
I purposefully talked about being unavailable, not wanting to get married/have kids and how I know I would cheat if i got into anything serious. I also talked about how I am inherently polygamous and would not tell a "wife" about my past (or i would lie). This was an attempt to get her to change her mind and realise that i was not the type to confide in, but to my absolute surprise she reacted understandingly.
I feel guilty about how I am running away from her now, but at the time today I talked about some sentimental things about our religion just to get her to like me more (i know it is so selfish and vain) and I knew what I was doing after i realised how much she would let me get away with in regards to the polygamy point. I don't want to keep 'acting' like I like her beyond the sex just to have more sex with her, even though the sex is the best I have ever had. I did not know that she would see the sex as being a part of love.
I am ashamed in a way, but I want to stop this before it seriously hurts her. I feel numb and it is totally not what i want at this point in my life.
I feel guilty about wanting her only for sex, I did not anticipate her to change her feelings so quickly, in the space of a week. The first time we had sex last week it was very intense. And that has carried on, i like her physically but i am a bit afraid of how she changed today. Sometimes we talk about our families, religion and relationships.
Well today the tone was different. She was talking about her dad dying when she was young and how she turned to religion to try and help her answer "why?" and give her strength to look after her younger siblings. I did not anticipate why she was outpouring like this. She also told me she confesses all of the things she's done to the church.
I purposefully talked about being unavailable, not wanting to get married/have kids and how I know I would cheat if i got into anything serious. I also talked about how I am inherently polygamous and would not tell a "wife" about my past (or i would lie). This was an attempt to get her to change her mind and realise that i was not the type to confide in, but to my absolute surprise she reacted understandingly.
I feel guilty about how I am running away from her now, but at the time today I talked about some sentimental things about our religion just to get her to like me more (i know it is so selfish and vain) and I knew what I was doing after i realised how much she would let me get away with in regards to the polygamy point. I don't want to keep 'acting' like I like her beyond the sex just to have more sex with her, even though the sex is the best I have ever had. I did not know that she would see the sex as being a part of love.
I am ashamed in a way, but I want to stop this before it seriously hurts her. I feel numb and it is totally not what i want at this point in my life.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment