I dont mean to offend anyone, and by 'deal with' i just mean generally how to get on with them better and for things to run more smoothly.
basically some of the people im friends with are very socially awkward and its beginning to drain me a bit. they dont have anything 'wrong' with them such as aspergers or anything. in social situations they will leave me to make all the decisions, even simple things like what we are going to do, where we will go for food, etc. to the point where if i dont say "lets go here" we will stand for ages, and no one will say "right lets go do this".. they all just stand and wait for me to take the lead and call the shots. and believe me im not a leader type person, im quite shy and underconfident but somehow im the "dominant" one in the group. and its getting a bit boring being the one to decide everything all the time. when its not that hard, in my opinion, to just say "i fancy doing this, do you wanna do it?". and i know to them this might seem really hard to do.. but its getting to the point where its really annoying me. and i even say "well yous can decide" but still, nothing hap pens, we stand in the same spot, waiting and waiting..
one of my friends is also the type when we are out to sit in a corner and not talk to anyone or make any effort. i try to include them in conversation and involve them but after a while it begins to seem like theyre being a burden.. i shouldnt feel like a mother having to constantly check up on their child and include them, we are all adults, why cant they make the effort themselves? and i know some people might attack me saying im being insensitive or that, but really try to imagine what i have to do on a night out or just generally hanging out, i cant just relax and have a good time, instead im basically babysitting this person, aiding them in socialising when shouldnt they be able to do this by now? like i said im quite shy and not very confident, yet around people i know or havent known that long i still make an effort.. i dont sit away in a corner and dont say a word all night. and this person's friends i havent known that long, whereas theyve known them since primary sc hool.. so its not like theyre around new people so feel uncomfortable. i know some people are introverts or that so i cant change them. but i dont see why its my responsibility to help them.. because if i dont do it i feel bad.
i dont want to just stop talking to them or stop inviting them out because if i do that itll be very obvious. but its getting a bit tiresome. they have their own friends who they make the effort to hang out with, so i dont know how they can manage to do that whilst with me theyre antisocial. they get invited to do things more than i do, and yet im feeling like i cant stand to have them around! they dont choose what they wanna do, so when i eventually say well do you wanna do this, and they say yeah, afterwards they moan "this is crap" etc and im thinking.. well why dont you suggest something you want to do instead? i asked them this and they said they "didnt think people would enjoy what they enjoy" when itll be simple things like watching movies.. how can organising that cause anxiety that people wont want to do it?
basically some of the people im friends with are very socially awkward and its beginning to drain me a bit. they dont have anything 'wrong' with them such as aspergers or anything. in social situations they will leave me to make all the decisions, even simple things like what we are going to do, where we will go for food, etc. to the point where if i dont say "lets go here" we will stand for ages, and no one will say "right lets go do this".. they all just stand and wait for me to take the lead and call the shots. and believe me im not a leader type person, im quite shy and underconfident but somehow im the "dominant" one in the group. and its getting a bit boring being the one to decide everything all the time. when its not that hard, in my opinion, to just say "i fancy doing this, do you wanna do it?". and i know to them this might seem really hard to do.. but its getting to the point where its really annoying me. and i even say "well yous can decide" but still, nothing hap pens, we stand in the same spot, waiting and waiting..
one of my friends is also the type when we are out to sit in a corner and not talk to anyone or make any effort. i try to include them in conversation and involve them but after a while it begins to seem like theyre being a burden.. i shouldnt feel like a mother having to constantly check up on their child and include them, we are all adults, why cant they make the effort themselves? and i know some people might attack me saying im being insensitive or that, but really try to imagine what i have to do on a night out or just generally hanging out, i cant just relax and have a good time, instead im basically babysitting this person, aiding them in socialising when shouldnt they be able to do this by now? like i said im quite shy and not very confident, yet around people i know or havent known that long i still make an effort.. i dont sit away in a corner and dont say a word all night. and this person's friends i havent known that long, whereas theyve known them since primary sc hool.. so its not like theyre around new people so feel uncomfortable. i know some people are introverts or that so i cant change them. but i dont see why its my responsibility to help them.. because if i dont do it i feel bad.
i dont want to just stop talking to them or stop inviting them out because if i do that itll be very obvious. but its getting a bit tiresome. they have their own friends who they make the effort to hang out with, so i dont know how they can manage to do that whilst with me theyre antisocial. they get invited to do things more than i do, and yet im feeling like i cant stand to have them around! they dont choose what they wanna do, so when i eventually say well do you wanna do this, and they say yeah, afterwards they moan "this is crap" etc and im thinking.. well why dont you suggest something you want to do instead? i asked them this and they said they "didnt think people would enjoy what they enjoy" when itll be simple things like watching movies.. how can organising that cause anxiety that people wont want to do it?
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