and I can't blame her. I can't fault her guy friend, he is just…great. Previously I referred to him as Superman-let's now call him Clark (and he looks a little like Clark Kent, she said this herself : | )
I'll post the second half of this outside of OP. Warning: Personal Therapy thread ahead :o
With reference to the below threads and more, all pointing to certain central issues, that I hope TSR will be glad I am dealing with with a counsellor. This doubt is really getting in the way of me doing my coursework. But I'm here for a second opinion any who and have compiled the major ones (I must have made about 30 threads on this topic, and another 30+on needing to ask permission from my parents to work out or eat healthily and some creepy ones, ****)
TBC
I'll post the second half of this outside of OP. Warning: Personal Therapy thread ahead :o
With reference to the below threads and more, all pointing to certain central issues, that I hope TSR will be glad I am dealing with with a counsellor. This doubt is really getting in the way of me doing my coursework. But I'm here for a second opinion any who and have compiled the major ones (I must have made about 30 threads on this topic, and another 30+on needing to ask permission from my parents to work out or eat healthily and some creepy ones, ****)
Spoiler:
See especially these on 'Clark' and the heartbreak
1) http://ift.tt/1hkKv0m
Ex started talking about Clark a lot, always gooey-eyed and giggling as she did. Claims they're 'just friends'
2) http://ift.tt/1hkKv0q
Shiggydiggy warns me she has feelings for him and I'm getting played, a monkey never lets go of a branch until it has another to swing to.
3) http://ift.tt/1ijGDb4
Ex arranges surprise 21st party for me, but invites Clark. He's just been dumped by an older woman. She spends the majority of the party consoling him and making sure he has a good time, occasionally talking to my other friends there. We speak for about 5 minutes.
Later denies ever flirting with him and guilt-trips me to hell. We're on and terms Christmas Eve through to Boxing Day.
4) http://ift.tt/1ijGDba
Ex has grown distant and cold during exams, suddenly gains interest when I mention a chance for me to become drummer for my friend's band and becomes really friendly and supportive again, but I don't get the part. 2 days later she cuts contact, a week later she dumps me claiming cultural differences yaddayadda. Denies ever getting text saying I didn't get the part, hoping she'd cheer me up.
5) http://ift.tt/1ijGEMg
Feel inferior after breakup, like I deserve to be cheated on. About 30% she lied when she told me breakup due to cultural difference; if she can go out with me in secret, she can do it again with another guy.
6)/ 7)
http://ift.tt/1ijGFQe
http://ift.tt/1ijGCUO
Everywhere I go I see her with Clark, when I'm in bed I see them sleeping together next to me, and so on. Feelsbadman
and these on the mentality behind why I feel inferior to him (and other similar guys) if anyone actually has the time to do so, I'd be grateful
http://ift.tt/1ijGDbc
Why do women like confidence in guys
http://ift.tt/1ijGEMp
again she must have dumped me because I was inferior
she dumped me once, nothing to say she won't do it again. The question is, was it really because of her religion and controlling parents? Struggle to trust
http://ift.tt/1imo8Tq
My anxiety disorder makes me feel emasculated often, especially when I become depressed about it, and belief ex wanted me to man up but I failed to do so. Fuels self-stigma
http://ift.tt/1imo8Tv
wondering whether I shouldn't have share my mental health problems with her
http://ift.tt/1hkKtpq
stressed but gf's going to leave me cos stress isn't sexy. Should man up. Stop moaning. Everyone is stressed, etc. Self-stigmahttp://ift.tt/1ijGF2I
stigma against men who share their feelings; belief that once you've opened up to your partner they have control and there's no challenge, and sooner or later will dump you/cheat on you for the next mysterious hunk. Therefore trust no-one with your true feelings, not even your girlfriend
http://ift.tt/1hkKtpk
feeling inferior to comic book Superman etc. sexually inadequate compared to Man of Steel. That he's called Superman just confirms this
http://ift.tt/1hkKvgW
http://ift.tt/1hkKtpo
I successfully get men to open up
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUi
women tell me it's OK to be sensitive guy :S experience tells me otherwise!
http://ift.tt/1ijGFQc
Is introversion a weakness? Should I be more sociable?
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUw
I unsuccessfully argue that it's argue to cheat on your boyfriend because he's beta and you have the hots for someone else. I argue that bf should up his game and it's his fault if he gets cheated on; this doesn't go down well. More sympathy to man's predicament than I expected :S
http://ift.tt/1hkKvNP
http://ift.tt/1imo8TC
On these 2 threads I believe were a girl to get a choice between a nice guy with an appealing personality but a bit on the skinny, and a hot ripped guy with a similarly appealing personality, nice guy will always finish last. 'tis an evolutionary no-brainer. Various counter-arguments fired at me about different preferences etc.
http://ift.tt/1hkKvgY
feeling she's going to dump me again, after she did in September.
http://ift.tt/1hkKvh0
feel ex (when my gf) is professionally and socially superior to me and more physically attractive. Altogether why is she with me when she could do better; I treat her well but surely that's not enough for a hot alpha female like herself!
http://ift.tt/1ijGDIn
ex hurts me by calling me shy; she's shy! Later denies it, says I'm not shy at all. But, this is not enough to prevent her from dumping me.
http://ift.tt/1ijGGDP
Importance of men's ambition. Apparently not all that important. Yet experience tells me otherwise. Accusations of me claiming women are gold-diggers; experience some are. Hurt and distrust
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUm
Again, importance of ambition.http://ift.tt/1ijGFzH
Gf 'busier'=more ambitious=professionally superior/perceived as socially superior=more attractive=why hasn't she dumped me yet?!
http://ift.tt/1ijGGDW
apparently it doesn't matter who's busier? 'Lies' I say. Still some doubts and reservations
http://ift.tt/1hkKvxj
Feel disrespected by gf because she spent a large portion of our infrequent dates texting other guys and laughing at jokes from 'friends' on her phone. Maybe I am boring her, etc. She denies this. Again learn not to trust
http://ift.tt/1hkKvxn
As title says, 'misinterpreting flirting as a means of emasculating and dominating me'. Fear loss of control in relationship. Fear of dominatrix types.
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUq
Ask if I'm treating her right, feel I should 'up my game'
http://ift.tt/1hkKvxB
http://ift.tt/1ijGFQi
On these 2 threads, becoming bitter and cynical to prospect of relationships in early twenties and think that I should consolidate some social status/money/power/get aesthetic. Become dominant superior male. Dog eat dog world, etc.
will add more as needs be.
I see this becoming a pattern repeated in any future relationships. I now realise that regardless of how good friends we were in the past, I was not ready for a relationship. Hell I was on anti-ds. That it lasted as long as it did was a miracle. Partially because I went in there just for some casual fun, nothing serious, and then I fell in love…
I still hold quite a few negative beliefs holding me back though, because I feel there's some truth in them:
-Sensitive guys will get ****ed over whatever you get told, therefore do not trust
-There is a stigma against young men who don't drink, unless you're religious maybe in which case some atheists will still judge you for it. Claims to 'man up'
-Ditto any man who complains about needing to go to bed will be told to man up. Self control is supreme, mind over matter, etc,
-Given the choice between nice guy but skinny and nice guy AND hot, nice guy will always lose. Moreover it is nice guy's fault for being lazy about body-no reason he cannot be nice AND hot. Feel free to give me an example to contradict this!!!
Also I didn't realise but I'm really just cynical, I spent the second half of my relationship waiting for something to **** up like my parents' marriage did. Since I have a very similar personality to my Dad (except he's now more confident after the divorce 5 years ago) I basically expected the same thing to happe n to me in a future relationship.
Show
See especially these on 'Clark' and the heartbreak
1) http://ift.tt/1hkKv0m
Ex started talking about Clark a lot, always gooey-eyed and giggling as she did. Claims they're 'just friends'
2) http://ift.tt/1hkKv0q
Shiggydiggy warns me she has feelings for him and I'm getting played, a monkey never lets go of a branch until it has another to swing to.
3) http://ift.tt/1ijGDb4
Ex arranges surprise 21st party for me, but invites Clark. He's just been dumped by an older woman. She spends the majority of the party consoling him and making sure he has a good time, occasionally talking to my other friends there. We speak for about 5 minutes.
Later denies ever flirting with him and guilt-trips me to hell. We're on and terms Christmas Eve through to Boxing Day.
4) http://ift.tt/1ijGDba
Ex has grown distant and cold during exams, suddenly gains interest when I mention a chance for me to become drummer for my friend's band and becomes really friendly and supportive again, but I don't get the part. 2 days later she cuts contact, a week later she dumps me claiming cultural differences yaddayadda. Denies ever getting text saying I didn't get the part, hoping she'd cheer me up.
5) http://ift.tt/1ijGEMg
Feel inferior after breakup, like I deserve to be cheated on. About 30% she lied when she told me breakup due to cultural difference; if she can go out with me in secret, she can do it again with another guy.
6)/ 7)
http://ift.tt/1ijGFQe
http://ift.tt/1ijGCUO
Everywhere I go I see her with Clark, when I'm in bed I see them sleeping together next to me, and so on. Feelsbadman
and these on the mentality behind why I feel inferior to him (and other similar guys) if anyone actually has the time to do so, I'd be grateful
http://ift.tt/1ijGDbc
Why do women like confidence in guys
http://ift.tt/1ijGEMp
again she must have dumped me because I was inferior
she dumped me once, nothing to say she won't do it again. The question is, was it really because of her religion and controlling parents? Struggle to trust
http://ift.tt/1imo8Tq
My anxiety disorder makes me feel emasculated often, especially when I become depressed about it, and belief ex wanted me to man up but I failed to do so. Fuels self-stigma
http://ift.tt/1imo8Tv
wondering whether I shouldn't have share my mental health problems with her
http://ift.tt/1hkKtpq
stressed but gf's going to leave me cos stress isn't sexy. Should man up. Stop moaning. Everyone is stressed, etc. Self-stigmahttp://ift.tt/1ijGF2I
stigma against men who share their feelings; belief that once you've opened up to your partner they have control and there's no challenge, and sooner or later will dump you/cheat on you for the next mysterious hunk. Therefore trust no-one with your true feelings, not even your girlfriend
http://ift.tt/1hkKtpk
feeling inferior to comic book Superman etc. sexually inadequate compared to Man of Steel. That he's called Superman just confirms this
http://ift.tt/1hkKvgW
http://ift.tt/1hkKtpo
I successfully get men to open up
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUi
women tell me it's OK to be sensitive guy :S experience tells me otherwise!
http://ift.tt/1ijGFQc
Is introversion a weakness? Should I be more sociable?
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUw
I unsuccessfully argue that it's argue to cheat on your boyfriend because he's beta and you have the hots for someone else. I argue that bf should up his game and it's his fault if he gets cheated on; this doesn't go down well. More sympathy to man's predicament than I expected :S
http://ift.tt/1hkKvNP
http://ift.tt/1imo8TC
On these 2 threads I believe were a girl to get a choice between a nice guy with an appealing personality but a bit on the skinny, and a hot ripped guy with a similarly appealing personality, nice guy will always finish last. 'tis an evolutionary no-brainer. Various counter-arguments fired at me about different preferences etc.
http://ift.tt/1hkKvgY
feeling she's going to dump me again, after she did in September.
http://ift.tt/1hkKvh0
feel ex (when my gf) is professionally and socially superior to me and more physically attractive. Altogether why is she with me when she could do better; I treat her well but surely that's not enough for a hot alpha female like herself!
http://ift.tt/1ijGDIn
ex hurts me by calling me shy; she's shy! Later denies it, says I'm not shy at all. But, this is not enough to prevent her from dumping me.
http://ift.tt/1ijGGDP
Importance of men's ambition. Apparently not all that important. Yet experience tells me otherwise. Accusations of me claiming women are gold-diggers; experience some are. Hurt and distrust
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUm
Again, importance of ambition.http://ift.tt/1ijGFzH
Gf 'busier'=more ambitious=professionally superior/perceived as socially superior=more attractive=why hasn't she dumped me yet?!
http://ift.tt/1ijGGDW
apparently it doesn't matter who's busier? 'Lies' I say. Still some doubts and reservations
http://ift.tt/1hkKvxj
Feel disrespected by gf because she spent a large portion of our infrequent dates texting other guys and laughing at jokes from 'friends' on her phone. Maybe I am boring her, etc. She denies this. Again learn not to trust
http://ift.tt/1hkKvxn
As title says, 'misinterpreting flirting as a means of emasculating and dominating me'. Fear loss of control in relationship. Fear of dominatrix types.
http://ift.tt/1ijGGUq
Ask if I'm treating her right, feel I should 'up my game'
http://ift.tt/1hkKvxB
http://ift.tt/1ijGFQi
On these 2 threads, becoming bitter and cynical to prospect of relationships in early twenties and think that I should consolidate some social status/money/power/get aesthetic. Become dominant superior male. Dog eat dog world, etc.
will add more as needs be.
I see this becoming a pattern repeated in any future relationships. I now realise that regardless of how good friends we were in the past, I was not ready for a relationship. Hell I was on anti-ds. That it lasted as long as it did was a miracle. Partially because I went in there just for some casual fun, nothing serious, and then I fell in love…
I still hold quite a few negative beliefs holding me back though, because I feel there's some truth in them:
-Sensitive guys will get ****ed over whatever you get told, therefore do not trust
-There is a stigma against young men who don't drink, unless you're religious maybe in which case some atheists will still judge you for it. Claims to 'man up'
-Ditto any man who complains about needing to go to bed will be told to man up. Self control is supreme, mind over matter, etc,
-Given the choice between nice guy but skinny and nice guy AND hot, nice guy will always lose. Moreover it is nice guy's fault for being lazy about body-no reason he cannot be nice AND hot. Feel free to give me an example to contradict this!!!
Also I didn't realise but I'm really just cynical, I spent the second half of my relationship waiting for something to **** up like my parents' marriage did. Since I have a very similar personality to my Dad (except he's now more confident after the divorce 5 years ago) I basically expected the same thing to happe n to me in a future relationship.
TBC
Put the internet to work for you.
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