When is it okay to say "you have severe mental problems" to your child?

Let me start by saying our daughter (12) can be very difficult and fussy at times, especially when interacting with my wife. While at the beach on Monday (yesterday), our daughter was complaining and was anxious about having to put on sunscreen and about being oily, sandy, and hot. The beach is not her favorite place to go and she did create a bit of a scene by acting out about her discomfort. Both my wife and I asked her to calm down, but then my wife says out loud to our daughter with a very critical voice: "you have some severe mental problems". The beach was very crowded and I just wanted to bury head in the sand, I could not believe she said that to my daughter, especially in public. On Sunday, same daughter asked my wife if she was upset or in a bad mood. My wife responds with "Yes and I'm in a bad mood all the time, so don't ever ask me that again!" These kinds of statements and biting responses to our children and to me are common and often a daily occurrence. I've reached a point where I'm ready to quit after struggling with the negative personal interactions my wife has had with our children, with me, with family, with strangers, with everyone over the last 23 years. It's like she has absolutely no filter between her thoughts and her words and it seems to be getting worse; if she feels it she says it. Does it sound like I'm over reacting? Maybe the problem is all mine, but it's killing me.

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