Second guessing everything.

Hi, This is my first post. I've been reading these forums since i found out about my husbands online affairs. From here, I've since learned they are cyber affairs. I found out about him doing this about a year ago.He left open the FB message window and it was a conversation between him and a woman. I was very angry and upset.I challenged him. He got very angry and refused to talk about it at all. I confronted him about it several times and eventually he gave me a story. That frankly i fell for. I won't go into it. As this post will likely be very long and boring as it is. I think i wanted to believe his story. In spite of all the holes and the ridiculousness of it. Basically because I didn't want to believe he was telling another woman that he'd never met, he loved her and missed her letters if she didn't write every day. Fast forward a year to this summer. I catch him out again. This time he left an email open behind some other windows on his PC. It was all very bland stuff really. But again he told her that he loved her and she said she loved him. Thing is. It was the SAME woman he was talking to the year before. He knew how i reacted. He knew it had hurt me terribly. Even though. He got incredibly embarrassed. He denied it was an affair. As They'd never met. Even though she wanted to. He'd kept making excuses. They did cyber sex via emails. I told him to stop. Told him that he would have to write to her, in front of me and tell her that he was married. He said he didn't want to. That he didn't want to hurt her. Incredulously, i asked if he really was choosing a stranger over me, over us and our marriage. He said i was being pathetic. Making a mountain out of a molehill. However, after lots of horrible scenes where i totally lost my temper. He wrote to her and called it off. He then showed me her reply where she called him a scumbag. He didn't become more open. He locked himself down. Passworded everything because he thought i was snooping. That caused rows too! I hadn't needed to snoop! He'd been really...lax? A month goes by. I decide that i will snoop after all. I go on his tablet. Check his mail. Sure enough. THERE are the emails. Same game. Same woman. This time, i got more info. He met her thru an online dating site. Its been going on about 2 years. They write fantasy to one another. He believes she lives in the Netherlands because he went on a site that far away thinking no one who knew him would see it. I don't think she was entirely honest with him either (surprise!) because from her emails i can tell she is from the UK too. She is also married with children. He believes she knows nothing but the lies he fed her. I laugh at this because i first caught them out on facebook. Where she could freely see that he was married. Where he was from etc. The only reason i've been able to write about it. Is by not saying too much about how i'm feeling. I think its helping me really. Venting is important. Isn't it? The background is. We've been married 5 years. He became ill shortly after our marriage. I eventually had to give up my job to care for him and my autistic daughter. It's been tough but I thought, worth it. I adore him. I know he has withdrawn from me over the past couple of years. Due to his medication virtually killing his sex drive and his ability to have sex how he thinks he should be able to. I've tried very hard in that time to encourage him to try other ways. To keep intimacy in our relationship. You see, I thought we were incredibly close. A team. It shocked me to realise that he needed to exercise his sexuality by writing about sex to another woman. WHY didn't he talk to me? He knows me. He knew I would try anything to keep us strong. Turns out. I don't think he cares about me. Not if he can hurt me over and over. Know he's doing it. Yet when asked about it. Can only relate how much embarrassment he is feeling about me knowing what he does.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979