I need to know how far to take this

Right now my wife and I are trying to work things out...but even after admitting her EA she is still acting the same and seems to thing she doesn't have anything to answer for. I am also fairly certain that it went past just being an EA...especially from everyone that saw them and said they were all over each other. My question right now deals with my future. Both of us are in the military and although I get to keep the house the military has some rules in place that, in the event of divorce, rule in the favor of the wife getting most of the pay and everything unless you can prove that there was infidelity. She won't tell me and she cut off my access to her Facebook and email. We have a daughter that I haven't adopted yet, and her man on the side is also married with a daughter. I love her daughter as my daughter even if she isn't mine by blood and she deserves a better life. My wife's mother will fight to take legal claim of her granddaughter is she did cheat so she can have a normal life without multiple men coming to the house constantly...something else I found out my wife lied about. How? How can I prove anything? I feel like I have no resources and this needs to stop. I don't know why but I can't seem to move on without knowing what happened and taking care of the issue...

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