Another sexless marriage

I was referred to this forum by a friend. Thanks in advance for your help. I'll try to touch on all the important points. My wife and I are in our mid 30's and we have a 2 yr old. We've been married for 10 years and have been together for 15. Our life & relationship is great for the most part. We both make decent money, have fairly low-stress jobs and have the easiest, most fun 2-year old possible. In other words, stress & exhaustion isn't a consistent issue for us. We communicate well & both do work around the house. We get along well and genuinely like each other. Fights of any sort are pretty rare. I am very fit, and have only improved over the years in body shape, employment etc… She doesn't exercise, but is blessed with a thin frame. She's gained a few pounds, but I'm still very attracted to her. The problem as you may have guessed is that our sex life is terrible. It has been terrible since even before we got married. We are consistently stuck at something like once a month (although there were years where it was only a handful of times a year). We've talked about it many times & have tried date nights or making a certain night of the week an "us" night (after putting our child to bed). But there's usually some reason she's not interested/able. In the first year or so of our relationship, the sex was good enough. She'd flirt with me, we'd do it a couple times a week, and I felt desired. That's totally gone. I often try to kiss her and snuggle up to her at random times throughout the day (not looking for sex), but most of the time it ends up with some awkward exchange where she has no idea what I'm trying to do and couldn't give a hoot anyway. I know I need to give her attention & affection like that, and I like to, but trying to cuddle up to her after being rejected for years often just opens up the wounds again and is getting harder and harder for me -- and it isn't helping anyway. In the last few weeks, I've finally come to terms with what should have been clear to me for years: She has absolutely no attraction to me and is only doing her "duty." Over the years, I've tried to fight off all the resentment, anger and bitterness, and was mostly able to until recently. But it has worn me down where I just feel raw. I've reached the end. I can barely look her in the eye now without my stomach going into knots. It's been so long since I've felt desirable as a man. I desperately want to just "turn it off" and enjoy our nice life. But I can't do it anymore. I've never considered cheating (and I'm not considering it now) and I'm absolutely certain she isn't cheating and hasn't. I suspect she just isn't a very sexual person. One thing I know is a problem is that she has never had an orgasm. I know that frustrates her, which I totally understand of course. We've tried various things, but she's not comfortable with a vibrator or me pleasuring her. I want it for her desperately, but I'm out of ideas for that. I've asked her to ask her doctor about it, but she won't. I'm planning to ask her to go to a counselor, and I think she'd agree to it, but wouldn't really buy in. I'm afraid it would cause more friction. But I'm willing to give it an honest shot. If a counselor can't help us, I'm at a loss. I desperately want as much time with my son as possible. I also want to do "family" things with my wife and son. In other words, I don't want a new family and I don't want to leave the one I have. But I see now that this isn't sustainable. I could maybe squash this down deep for a few more years, but it's not going to last. Any thoughts you have would be appreciated. Thank you.

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