Am I falsely optimistic?

I have been reading a lot of the threads already out there and I am becoming less and less optimistic about my situation even though I am constantly reminding myself to stay optimistic. I have been married 9 years, together 10.5. We were always the couple that everyone envied. We treated each other like we were newlyweds because that is how we felt about each other. The downfall has been my family. I have always been reluctant to be the bad guy with my parents and sister and my wife has constantly had to be the bad person, laying down guidelines when it comes to our kids, etc. I met with a counselor who helped me come up with a way to communicate this to my parents. Two years ago (Sept 2011), I met with my parents and told them that they need to step back and respect our guidelines with us and the kids or they won't see the kids. This devastated them and myself, but I did it because it was the right thing to do and the right thing for my wife and kids. 4 months later (Jan 2012), my father's health deteriorated. He went into the hospital, experienced multiple complications, surgeries, and died in November 2012. Throughout that time, I constantly thou ght about how much time I had left with him. After, I was determined to handle the grief myself and that I could do it without any assistance. In the meantime, I became more irritable towards my wife and daughter. I was mean and neglecting. I wasn't myself, but never sat back to evaluate why. Finally, I went back to my counselor last month and he believes that with the death of my father, it left a void in my life. After evaluating this, I determined that this void was the neglect of my wife and daughter. I was excited/relieved to find this out. I began acting like myself again only to find that my wife believes it is too little, too late. She told me she checked out months ago and has been trying to figure out how she could keep the house and other things in tact on her salary. She still loves and cares for me, but is not in love with me. She no longer has the spark. Because of the mental fog that I was in, I was oblivious to her feelings and what she was going t o and she naturally shut down and began focusing more on her work to take her mind off of me. She wants to seek counseling, individually then joint while also doing joint mediation. She is afraid as am I. My mindset is that actions speak louder than words. I am determined to show her that the man she fell in love with is still here, but did that last 2 years of mental fog crush our marriage enough that she will not let her spark reignite? This week, I agreed to mediation so that we can put together a plan in case we separate...finances, house, when I would see the kids. She said and if things get better, then we can burn it in 5 years. At the same time like I said, we will seek counseling. Has anyone out there experienced a positive outcome of reconciliation when staring into the face of mediation/separation? If so, I could really use your words right now. Thank you for reading.

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