Returning to CWI

Hello to those who maybe remember me and sadly hello to the new arrivals. It especially is miserable when you first arrive here. TAM got me through those incredibly painful first months. It has been nine months since my Dday and I'm so disappointed in my WH's reaction today, which is why I'm here. I stopped using CWI and tried the Relationships and Addictions forum since I got to the point where I realized he was a sex addict. It was a paradigm shift for me to see him as not so much a cheater as a sex addict. But CWI is a more active and insightful forum, I feel. SO, we've tried a number of things, and they always work at first, and then he relapses. With each relapse, I become further depressed and resentful even though I simultaneously feel bad for my messed up husband. He is extremely miserable and depressed as well, but not yet able to really overcome it apparently. I know my moping around and accomplishing nothing makes it harder for him to move forward. At the most recent relapse almost two weeks ago, I told him that him looking at backpages or Craigslist casual encounters would not be the end of the world (though it would obviously hurt me). Deceit, however, would bring about the end of the world (or rather "our" world). He said while he could not promise a zero relapse (because he is always trying but has impulse control problems repeatedly) he could promise me with 100% certainty (his words) that he would no longer try to hide anything or lie. He would come clean before I had to confront him. We agreed that if I found out he was relapsing, I had to wait 24 hours to give him a chance to tell me himself. So he was laid off somewhat recently and has been searching for whatever work he can find. He responded to one Craigslist ad for cleaning that troubled me. The poster specified that the cleaner would have to be cool with cleaning the home for a NUDIST couple. Apparently, because we are having money problems, he thought $17.50/hr was worth it. And he didn't tell me that among the many jobs he applied for, this was one. Normal people wouldn't agree to such a job, right? Moreover, someone who recognizes himself as a sex addict SHOULD know better. Instead of apologizing profusely, he minimizes his behavior as if he did absolutely nothing wrong. THEN he starts blaming me for overreacting. Okay, I should have approached the issue nicely and calmly, but instead I repeatedly said in a stern voice, "Why didn't you tell me this. You promised..." and I started crying when he started getting defensive. The past ten days he said he has been completely clean and was proud of himself but then I blew everything up and pushed him back. What hurt the most was his reaction to my reaction. He was so defensive and seemed so ready to blame me. He started asking what I accomplished this week. He worked (short-term labor gig) like 70 hours this week, and since finishing my summer language institute (ten days ago) have been depressed and accomplishing soooo little. He comes home to a messy house and I can't seem to accomplish even small tasks. He keeps telling me to stop crying. And it just felt so awful. I can tell he is so sick of me being sad and depressed and paranoid and all of the horrible things I've become. It just hurt so much seeing blame me for so much and to yell at me for crying. I'm so hurt. Was I overreacting for him replying to a house cleaning for nudist couple ad? Was he justified in being totally frustrated and then being defensive and blaming me for all that I am not doing, for my not trying hard enough. :( Just needed to vent I guess.

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