Emotional Affair

Everyone's case is different as every person and every marriage is different. I am so hurt right now and I just don't know what to do anymore. In December I was called to another state because my mother was in the hospital and wasn't supposed to make it through the weekend. She made it and I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I decided to stay there to care for her for a while. Which meant my husband had to drive our 3 children ages 10, 11, 13 up to me. He would be alone at home working in a state 1,000 miles away. We have been separated before quite a lot. He is former military. We also spent a year apart while he took a new job 3 states away and I stayed to sell our house. We have always made it through with no problems. Oh sure we've been stressed, but no infidelities or even thoughts of it. We've been married 14 years last January, together for 16 this October. I ended staying at my moms for 6 months. I thought we were doing very well. I had no suspicions of anything going on. I was stressed with everything up by me and he was always my ear, though as a man he thinks it's his job to make things better, so never could be just an ear. Eventually we would argue on our calls. But nothing new as we have fought since the day we started dating. It is our stubborn natures. I became worried in April when something physical was not able to happen for him on a visit out to me. I immediately thought the worst and he swore there was no one else. He was just tired and stressed. He wasn't sleeping, and wasn't eating because he was so depressed without us. 2 months later in June I came home. My husband and I were youth leaders in our church. When I left they needed someone to fill in for me. They found a nice young woman 3 years younger than me with 4 kids and married. I never thought anything of it. Was happy they found someone. That's all I really heard of her. Husband said she really didn't do much, just was a body to fill in really. Then 2 weeks before I come back she starts sending emails to the church and our council with tons of ideas for the next year. All of a sudden she is contacting me trying to make friends. Ok nice she wants to get to know me since I'm coming back. But she is constantly contacting my husband while he is with me and my family 1,000 miles away on our vacation before he brings me home. I was not happy or comfortable with that and felt there was something wrong. Fast forward a few days and we are home. She is still calling him a couple times a day for various reasons and he finally tells me they have become friends. On Sunday I asked him to staop talking to her outside of youth group because when I saw them together they were way beyond chummy and I got an extremely sick feeling. He promised he would stop. 2 days later I found out he had been on facebook with her all day monday and had texted her 75 times that day! Texted and called her the next day as well. So I went into my phone records and pulled up the last week. He had sworn to me he hadn't talked or texted to her at all the past week except for the 3 times I knew about. The day after we had gotten home he had a business trip to California for 3 days. In the phone records I found out he had called and talked to her 3 times that first day and once was for over an hour! Then the second night he was up till 3 am texting back and forth with her! He swears he was trying to get her t o break off the friendship at that time and didn't tell mne because he didn't want to upset me. But you don't talk that long and for 2 days. You break it off and that's that. So on Wed a friend of mine from church starts feeding me information that I had known nothing about. The woman was alone at my house with my husband at least once a week. She would bring him food, do his laundry. I had never met this woman. My husband and I had a very long discussion that night after all I had found out. I told him either he comes clean and tells me EVERYTHING or I was taking the children and divorcing him. He told me everything according to him. He even was called on 2 occasions in the middle of the night to take her and her daughter to the emergency room because her daughter was having an asthma attack. Why couldn't her husband take them? Why couldn't she take her daughter or call an ambulance? We live 8 miles from this woman. I was so incredibly hurt. My husband continued to tell me that this was just a friendship. Yet he kept every bit of it from me for 6 months. I knew nothing about it. He swears nothing physical every happened. He said he hugged her a couple times. He said one afternoon she came over and sat with him on our couch and cried over how awful her husband was and he held her hand. She came over on several occasions crying for that reason. But nothing physical happened. He swears to me. I told him to end it. He was supposed to have ended it a week and a half before. He had said he already had, but continued it in secret. She called me a bully when I told her she was to no longer have any communications with my husband. She said I was being paranoid and that nothing was going on. Yet she has kept all his texts and facebook messages. She refuses to let me read them becausr they would incriminate them, but they never did anything wrong. My husband deleted every text and message he got as soon as he got them. He is very good about covering his tracks. This happened 2 months ago. I am still having a hard time getting over it. He is having a hard time getting hard. So I have a very hard time believing that nothing physical ever happened. I lost all my friends through this. All my friends were at that church and we can no longer attend that church because she refuses to leave the church. The pastors know what happened and are still allowing her to lead the youth. My husband and I stepped down and left because I cannot be in the same room as that woman. Now as I said we live 8 miles from her which means running into her at stores and even school as our older children attend the same school. I am having a hard time getting through this and divorce has crossed my mind so many times. He says he has not had any contact with her since that day. He called her and told her it was over. Even though he promised he wouldn't even do that. His promises have been broken at every turn. I cannot believe anything he says to me. I have lost all trust in him. I have no family or friends here. He was always the one I went to when things were hard, when I was sad. But this time it's him that has hurt me. I can't just leave for a while because I'm terrified he'll just go back to her. I have no way of knowing he isn't meeting her at work, he works 30 miles away. I have no way of knowing he isn't calling her from work or seeing her on the way to or from work. I can't believe him when he says he isn't. I am so hurt by this and I have no idea what to do. We;ve been married 14 years and he's always been faithful. This was an extremely emotional relationship that he had for 6 months when I really needed him. I'm sure a 1 night stand would hurt immensely, but it usually doesn't mean anything emotionally and it's just to feel physical mostly. He left me emotionally for 6 months and then for 2 weeks lied about ending it. So how do I know he really has ended it? 2 months later and I'm still checking phone records, email, facebook. Still checking to see where she was throughout the week. Can someone get through this? Can a marriage be fixed after this? I'm a stay at home mom. Never held a job. Divorce is the scariest thing in the world for me.

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