New business killing our marriage

History: married 20 years, both in our late 40's, 2 teenage kids, generally a good relationship with some ups and downs over the years. Several months ago, my wife (who had been out of work for 2 years by HER choice) told me that she wanted to open a bar with a friend. I was skeptical about it and suggested she really think it through. Bars are tough businesses plus she would wind up working when I was off since I work weekdays. She assured me this wouldn't be the case and that she would be working weekdays doing the books while her partner (who had more actual bar experience) would be handling the busy weekends. Fast forward to now, the bar has been open for almost 2 months and has been WILDLY successful! Unfortunately it is taking it's toll on our marriage. More background on the bar - I spent every free moment helping her get this bar off the ground. I painted, cleaned, mopped, advertised, loaded coolers, installed lighting, etc., etc., etc. prior to opening. Once they opened I bussed tables, got ice, bartended - basically I have pitched in everywhere possible to help. I go by there every weekend night after my band's show (if we have one) and help out. If no shows, I wind up working there all night Friday and/or Saturday. Now bear in mind, I had a VERY full schedule without this bar. I work a very demanding and good-paying day job as well as play in 2 cover bands on the weekends. Financially we're in great shape. The money for this venture came from her mom's estate and money I had personally saved for a new motorcycle that I in turn lent her to open the place. One thing that may or may not be relevant - I offered to GIVE her the money ($25k) and be a silent partner in the venture, I was quickly and emphatically told NO! We talked about how this would affect our relationship and our family prior to opening the bar. She again reiterated that she would be the "books" person and would work days for the most part but would need to pitch in on weekends to help get it off the ground. This has turned out to be the polar opposite of what is actually happening. This bar has become the world around which my wife revolves. It is her life now and there is little to no room for anything or anyone else. When I got back into playing in a band several years ago, I had asked my wife prior if this was something she would enjoy WITH me and she said yes. She did enjoy coming to my shows for several years, or so she said. Now if she comes to my show, she's looking at her watch to leave and is often gone by the time I finish my first set. So...I spend the rest of the evening lonely without her. When I brought this up in an argument, she actually told me that she had spent so many years sitting there while I play and now it was MY turn to sit there while she bounces around her bar.....nice, I didn't realize she needed "revenge" for something I thought we agreed on doing together. She will tell me EVERY weekend night that she doesn't need to stay all night and we should be able to leave by 3AM. This NEVER, EVER happens. At that hour, I'm exhausted because unlike her, I got up at 6AM and was working all day. I ask her if I can leave and pick her up later or can she get a ride, she will tell me "no please wait, I'll be ready to go soon". HOURS later when I'm half asleep and crabby, I literally have to drag her out of the bar because she's busy doing shots with everyone. Our house is a disaster unless I clean it. Laundry sits there piled up unless I do it. There is no food in the refrigerator unless I buy it. This was an ongoing issue in our relationship but now she won't even do the few things she used to. She always HAS to do something bar-related, count money, check bank balances, anything but help out around the house. Our sex life experienced a very brief uptick at the beginning which I attributed to her increased confidence (I was THRILLED!) but it has very quickly died out and is now non-existent which is a HUGE problem for me. I am exhausted every single weekend because I wind up working or sitting in this place until all hours of the morning. For example, this past Friday I got up at 6AM, worked until 5:30, played a show from 9:30 to 1:30, tore down all my gear and got her bar by 2:45AM. She told me she could leave soon. I think we wound up getting home at 6:45AM. The funny part is that she had told me her partner would be doing all the late night weekend work. I watch her partner leave with her husband every weekend night LONG before my wife will. That's been how things go - everything she tells me, she does the opposite. We went on a long-planned vacation the weekend before last with a group of friends. Prior to that we had talked about finding some time for just "us" since we've been so busy with things. Well, we went on vacation and she spent ALL the time with her friends or on the phone with the bar. It was a complete disaster and we wound up fighting all weekend long because she HAS to be the last person hanging out EVERY single night. Meanwhile, any time I wasn't right next to her, I got accused of ignoring her. Worst vacation of my life. We were both social drinkers and I still am....but my wife is no longer. Every weekend by the time I can get her to leave, she is seriously drunk and embarrassing. I have told her this and reminded her about the drunk bar owner stereotype. She says that I'm right and she needs to chill out with the drinking. She even said that she would take a few months off - she didn't even make it to the first weekend because somebody's brother in law passed away and she just HAD to have drinks with them out of sympathy. We had made a deal that we would leave Sundays for each other no matter what. That lasted ONE week, the following week there was some totally minor issue at the bar that required her FULL attention and I wound up spending our only day together ALONE. Yesterday, we were supposed to try again. Saturday night we went out to dinner earlier and met some friends. I had hoped to spend a few hours together before she got captured at the bar. She spend the entire time texting her partner and employees and couldn't wait to leave. We wound up fighting later on because once again - she told me she could leave by 2:30 AM so I planned accordingly. 6:30AM I had to drag her out again, then she passed out from being drunk and slept the ENTIRE day away. I wound up doing chores AGAIN and getting my son ready for his first day back at school - ALONE. I make jokes to my friends that she is now married to the bar and I'm her boyfriend on the side. Except they're not jokes anymore and I don't even get any "boyfriend" benefits. I have done my absolute best to be supportive of her and this bar. I have told anyone who will listen how proud of her I am and how great of a job she's doing. I have helped in any way I can. And now all I get in return for my efforts is loneliness. In turn, I now utterly hate the place and instantly get a knot in my stomach as soon as I walk in the door. I'm lost and don't know what to do. If I say a word about this to her, it turns into a major brawl with accusations of me not supporting her which utterly infuriates me. I remind her angrily that I HAVE supported her - but she needs to find a way to balance her family with her beloved bar. She absolutely LOVES her bar and that's perfectly fine, except it appears she doesn't have any interest in loving anyone/anything else. The lack of sex (and intimacy period) has me incredibly edgy. I try and bite my tongue but it doesn't work and I wind up making snide comments which doesn't help matters. Add to that the fact that there are numerous attractive women vying for my attention the second my wife leaves my band's shows. You know the old adage, when the cat's away.... It absolutely kills me that all these women want me - but the one that I want is totally uninterested. Sorry for the long rant. Any advice or suggestions are very welcome. On a somewhat good note, the bar is so successful that if we do get divorced, I shouldn't have to pay any alimony. Yay. :(

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