Coming up on two years. Stay strong folks!

It has been quite a while since I have been here, and like most of you, my life was absolutely obliterated close to two years ago. I got to thinking about TAM and all the help it brought me, so I thought I would stop by and offer some support for all of those currently going through the same pain I went through. I wont go into the details (you can search out my threads) but, from d-day to my divorce being final was just about 2 and a half months. This was a close to twenty year marriage that was over in the blink of an eye. I still don't know what caused the ex to up and leave two years ago, but I can safely say that I don't really care. I'm asked by folks how I ever got through it, and how long does the pain last? The simple answer is that there is no answer. BUT, the human spirit is an extremely strong one and there does come that day when clarity sets in, you dust yourself off, and you get back on the horse of life. You may be rolling your eyes at that thought (I know I did) but, trust me, it happens. And if it happened to me, it can happen to you. I can't even put into words just how much of a mess I was. Through all the pain and agony a strange thing will happen; you'll find yourself. And, that "self" will be a stronger person than you ever believed. In my particular case, I was an absolute mess for close to a year. I thought that the rest of my life meant nothing without my ex as a part of it. My entire future for 20 years had her in it, and that was now dead. I had no future. Or so I thought. One day, about a year ago I just thought "enough" and decided to get on with my life. Through a mutual friend, I met a great girl. We have been dating for about 5 months and I have found happiness in places I never new existed within myself. The ex and I never had children as she was a cancer survivor, and the new girlfriend has 3 little ones who I absolutely adore. Her ex was a raging alcoholic and for her to find happiness she knew that she was going to have to make huge decisions in her life. She has now been divorced a little over a year (separated for a year prior to that) and she truly believes she has found the perfect guy (hooray me :-)). I don't know what the future holds for either of us, but I do know that whatever direction it goes, I will be fine. And that is what each of you going through this needs to know. You *will* be fine. Go through the stages. Let your mind and spirit heal. Try not to keep asking the "why" questions, and start answering the "where" questions. You will find them... As for the ex, she is an absolute mess. Oddly, I am at that point where I thought I would never be in that I help her every now and again as I'm comfortable with being somewhat "friends". I truly do want the best for her and do not wish her any harm at all. That is a place within myself I *never* thought I would be. I suppose I will always love her, but I am no longer in love with her. ;-) -D

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