My wife says I'm controlling, don't give her freedom or love - what??

Hi all, new here. Literally I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart and completely have no idea where to turn. Basically here is the background, I am 38 my wife 28 and my wife and I have been together 10 years we have two sons 7 & 2, My wife has been pretty much stuck at home the past 5 years with our sons which has been quite a strain since she really hates routine, who doesn't. Last year she thought she was suffering depression, had lows and outbursts, lots of shouting over any and anything to me, the kids, anything. I couldn't help, she couldn't help herself and seriously I was on the edge. I love her to pieces but simply I didn't have the answer. All i could do was offer her time to herself by looking after the kids, I even let her go stay at hotels over the weekend for a break regularly. I basically searched the internet to help and recommended meditation to try to calm herself because it was becoming unbearable. At that time I would have walked but I love her and we have kids who are amazing and who don't deserve it. So despite the constant pain day in day out I stuck with it, o ften unfortunately exploding myself when she did. Some time after talking about meditation, she thought about medication for depression but then instead found a great therapist. It seems that depression wasn't the issue but rather she discovered she was becoming enlightened. So she set about throwing herself into gaining knowledge and has improved 10 fold over the last year to almost back to herself but even better. Now, i have helped her pay for courses on the subject, took time away from work to look after the kids so she could throw herself into it. i have done everything I can to help her. I bend over backwards if she needs something to help her develop because I know it's important. She feels she has really high vibrations, the therapists are impressed and she was doing fantastic. Recently she went on a 6 day course with other people but found she had problems getting along with them all, no one understands her, she's to 'evolved' and others 'iritate her and take her energy'. She came back a mess, like in a daze. She was home but was absolutley distracted. Spent days in bed barely doing anything as a result. I'm at work, she's watching the kids but literally does little to look after them. My sons nappy is full and hasn't been changed in hours and she feds them only kelloggs/ toast while going on her laptop and listening to the same music over and other again because she says it 'he lps' her get energy. (I don't see it giving her anything). I don't sya anything, just let her be, give her her space and let her get on with it hoping she'll get over the problems she had on the course and get back to normal. But now, one day i come home form work and she bursts out that the problem is me and she realises it always has been our relationship. She discovered in therapy sessions and meditations that somehow, her whole condition is as a result of me? WTF? Apparently I am controlling, I don't give her freedom, I am angry, I don't give her enough love and attention and as a result she says the sparkle has gone although she loves me more than I know and she always will, we are soul mates. Now I absolutely disagree with everything she said, I might as well be a monster. Reality is - controlling? She says she feels she has to please me in things like how she dresses or looks. I have never commented on her clothes in that way, only once about a pair of flowery trousers i said 'next time let me go with you they are awful', but it's humour, I'm not serious. Who cares if she likes them. I'm allowed to have an opinion, no? I thing she looks amazing, although she hardly ever lets me see her naked anymore because she thinks she looks terrible. So who is controlling anything? I let her do whatever she wants, i try to help her, I may make suggestions - but only when she asks my opinion, I never tell her what to do (although this weekend I told her she needed to get her act together and not sit only on the laptop all day listening to music because she has two kids to look after while I'm back at work). Jeez I think that's fair - sometimes you have to be put straight. Freedom? You couldn't have any more freedom, form weekends in hotels, giving her the option to go and do whatever she wants to get a break from the routine and to do her courses and concentrate on her health, she gives crappy examples that don't make any sense. Love and attention? Yes i must admit, i haven't been the greatest the past year - who could be? She used be shouting and screaming all the time and recently she is so immersed in her own stuff i just let her get on with it. And we have very infrequent intimacy/ sex and of course when a man over the course of years isn't getting any intimacy himself, how can you expect bundles back? Then it's just all give. A few years ago it was a big problme - I'm a man who would like to make out every night (she used to too when we first met) however through this difficult period she simply hasn't been interested and it really frustrated me. But despite my telling her that one day we will become just like flat mates if we don't re-discover out intimacy she dismissed it and nothing changed. So over time I've learnt to subdue this and don't make demands. I haven't even tried, not once to initiate sex because I don't want to pressure her. If anything happens, i let her make the move, so I have n't pestered her for years. (largely down to masturbating each day to get it out of my system). I leave her alone and let it just happen if/ when it happens. But she says another problem is all i want is sex, she saw this too in her meditations, maybe I used to but not now. yes i would seriously like to spend all weekend in bed doing the Karma Sutra like we used to but I have thrown that out of the window a long time ago as never going to happen again in my lifetime. Also perhaps I don't shower her with the amazing hugs and kisses she would probably like each and every day, but it's hard when she isn't really intimate either Now angry, yes i can say I have been frustrated a lot, basically because I do work i hate and can't get out of it. So yes I am frustrated and sometimes when my oldest is a pain in the ass refusing to do anything I can boil over and shout, but I'm human, i know this is my problem and I have been trying hard to deal with having done great over the past year in controlling it. keep in mind my wife used to do this day in day out and these days (after the course) is highly irritable and I see she is going back that way, yet I'm the angry one? She conceeds that she has problems too, but that we can only fix things when I recognise my problems and try to change. But I believe this is absolutely unfair, I don't deserve it. I have put as much as I can into our relationship and now I feel that what she said, is so unreasonable that I feel empty and there is no way back from it. I can't change something that isn't there. I don't blame her for anything; I would like more intimacy from her but like I said, I don't demand this and no longer will even broach the subject, it's pointless. So i don't expect anything fro her only to get back on track and improve herself so she feels back to her old self from 10 years ago for the sake of herself and our kids, not for me. Yet she demands things from me that I can't give because they aren't there 8anger aside - which I am dealing with and accept). So what the hell am i to do? She called me just this morning, at work when she knows I have clients here all day (and I told her i can't really talk at work this week) to start to say again that it feels that i am only blaming her for the whole problem and it is me who needs to accept my problems in our relationship and change, and once I do this, she will change because she will gets what she needs. But until i accept my problems and deal with them we can't go anywhere and nothing will get better. So i have to change into something (I don't know how or what) because I am the cause of why she is why she is. So I feel I have been mentally betrayed and don't deserve it because in all honesty i think I am a great dad, a wonderful husband, and though i am not perfect I don't think anyone else in the world would be so undeservedly critiscsing me. Help me God, help me someone. It makes no sense. I think to myself, today I will go home and tell her that i will give her more love and attention than you have ever seen in your life before, give her a big hug and a kiss, however when I get there and she's irritable and either shouting or sitting just listening to music on her laptop I just can't do it and i just feel depressed at the whole situation and want to walk out, feeling crushed and empty - but I have nowhere to go and our kids deserve the best. But I don't see a fix to it if she keesp this stance without realising how unreasonable this is, that it must simply be her own bizarre perception, in her head. Because I can't agree with it, i don't do those things, so how can i change?

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