I have been married for 14 years to my wife that I met while on vacation in Europe. She was a very successful entrepreneur and I was on vacation. We fell in love, and eventually she gave up her life in her home country to move to the US to be with me. After her arrival, things were different. I was now in the "real world" with work and family and friends outside of her. She was now a small fish in a foreign pond, with no one other than me. She came here on a fiance visa, so we only had 90 days to get married. Things were actually tough even in that first 3 months. But I felt like I had "committed" to the relationship and told myself that I needed to follow through. Now, 14 year later, we have two children, 7 and 10, but for the past few years, my feelings toward her have become more resentment than love.
The bottom line is that I think she is a very harsh person. She is and always has been a SAHM. She is very harsh with the children and talks to me like a dog. Most mornings when she gets the children ready for school, she becomes impatient and speaks very harshly or yells at them. At least one is in tears most days. So I began getting them ready for school every day. Same at bedtime, so I have taken over that responsibility as well.
Between her and I, I feel like she is never satisfied with anything that I do. She complains that I left a better paying job in which I was miserable and missed my children due to extensive travel. I took a lower paying position which allows me to spend more time with the family. In response, I am told that I am selfish and lazy and just thinking about myself. I recently decided to surprise her by having her car detailed and buying her some special bath soaps that I thought she would like. She responded by pointing out that I had wasted money on a crappy detail job and that the soaps smelled like a brothel. No "a" for effort, I guess.
We have not had much of a sex life for a few years (by my choice, I just don't really feel anything for her anymore.) I recently told her that I am not happy in our marriage and she was shocked and quickly became angry. She said we have a great marriage and that I am being selfish.
I have suggested marriage counseling, but she refuses. She thinks we should be able to solve our own problems. When I asked her why she speaks so harshly, she tells me that she does not mean to be hurtful, and that it is my problem if I see it that way. I know I am not perfect (and am regularly reminded of that fact) but I feel like I have put forth an effort to try to make things better by assuming some of her responsibilities. I have always been one to take marriage very seriously, but at this point I am wondering if there is any point in continuing in this relationship which leaves me emotionally drained day in day out.
What to do...
Put the internet to work for you.
via Personal Recipe 2629979
