When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
| Hi I'm in my early 20's and work with a girl who is in her late 20's. I catch her looking at me from time to time, she seems very comfortable around me, more so than other people. We can have a laugh and a joke and she calls me by my full name sometimes when she's jokingly telling me off :o She also giggles at my daft jokes, (no one else does!:D) Do you think these are signs that she could possibly be interested in me? | |||
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| Me and my ex-girlfriend are, unfortunately, coursemates. She dumped me for her ex over a year ago (as you can imagine, it was a really bad break up). 6 months ago, she would sometimes make a strange groan-like sound (in an audible manner); sometimes she would even turn her head - very emphatically - whenever she was approaching me. Until two days ago, that behavior was generally not shown by her. She's still together with her boyfriend, and whenever I see the two of them together she seems generally happy. Why is she still acting so... immaturely? | |||
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| I was just wondering because I noticed this is something that seems to be going on a lot in the Pakistani community. I hang out with a group of Pakistani friends.One got hitched with her cousin (against her wishes) in Pakistan when she was only 17, another is getting enagged to her cousin from there but she seems happy. But what triggered me to make this thread is that I have another friend who can't be with her boyfriend because she is already promised to her Pakistani cousin and there's nothing she can do about it.She told me the majority of the Mirpuri community would look down on her if she rejects her cousin.Also, none of her female relatives have married outside the extended family which is what shocked me the most!! So British Pakistani's, what are your thoughts on getting married to your cousin particularly back in Pakistan?? Do some really have a choice? do you see it as a good thing since you are helping your family?or is it only to make your parents happy? better to keep it in the family? | |||
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| Just felt like sharing my experience. Well I have had this HUGE crush on one of my lecturers at UNI for nearly 3/months now. I really don't know when I started to like him, I just fell for him.Upon having a crush on him I started to take special care on the way I presented myself, in terms of behaving nicely in front of him, clothes, hair, accessories etc- with a hope that he would notice me hahaha. I went as far as visiting him, couple of times, during his office hours technically to get "help" from him but honestly speaking I only went just so that I could see him and spend that extra bit of time with him :D During lectures he would make eye contacts with me and of course with others as well. But every time he would make eye contact with me I always ended looking away because it made feel shy. He often greeted students while entering the lecture room but when he would see me he just didn't say anything - not even smile (which he did to almost every students). This made me really sad. Also one time i went to see him during his office hours, hoping to get help on his module and also to interact with him on personal level. I made lists of stuffs I would ask him just to make our conversation interesting. But to my bad luck he was so grumpy that day, didn't even smiled at me or said hello. I don't know what he thinks of me...nothing i guess, yet I still like him. Sad thing is I am about to finish my uni (3rd yr student) in couple of weeks time and I know I will never ever see him again in my life time. This fact makes me really really sad. Guys I was thinking of confessing my crush to him anonymously after my results are out, that way it won't be weird as he will no longer be my teacher. What are your thoughts? P.S He is a young lecturer, roughly about 5/6 yrs older than me. | |||
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| Hi, i Need some advise and just curious as to what most guys like in a potential gf as ive recently met a couple of guys who im interested in and might date as I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket sorta speak, I want to make a good impression as im not very experienced in the whole dating thing. So what for you makes a good first impression when you go on a date with a girl? Thanks | |||
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| My ex boyfriend (broke up with him THREE YEARS ago, relationship was a pathetic three months long.) keeps telling this boy I like about our sexual encounters with eachother, aswell as making up things to make himself known as 'good in bed' or some ****. I can't help but feel guilty and embarrassed :( I lost my virginity to this boy, but now the other one is beginning to ask about it. I'm slightly mortified, why does my ex have to mention it three years down the line and 12 partners later? We don't really speak, so I don't see why he should. What should I do? :( | |||
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| This is another one of my really long posts but please take the time to read it all. This is something thats extremely important to me. I am having a really hard time understanding my parent's logic right now. I have a 20 year old brother who has a very serious problem, and my paren'ts dont seem to be doing anything about it. As I said, he is 20 years old, he still lives at home with my parents, he has never had a job, he has never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, he is basically completely dependent on my parents. He just got his driver's license a couple years ago but my parent's have very strict rules as to where he can drive and what time he can drive. My dad's restaurant is about 5 minutes away from my parent's house... thats about as far as they let him drive. And even then, sometimes if my dad sees an ambulance going down the road, he has to call my brother and "check" on him to make sure hes ok. My parent's think that hes totally incapable of doing anything... even driving 5 minutes down the road. He is one of the most cautious drivers Ive ever seen.... he drives slower and is more careful than I am. Sometimes I try to get my brother to go places with me such as the grocery store. For one because I don't really like going most places by myself, and the other reason is because I'm trying to help him but just getting him out of the house for a change. My dad doesn't like it when my brother meets me somewhere, because hes apparently so worried about him... so I usually end up having to take him places with me in MY car because the only place my dad lets him drive by himself to is from the house to his restaurant. And then if I invite him over to my house and its past 10:00 or 11:00 at night and hes still not home, my dad calls me being all paranoid saying "I don't usually let him drive late at night because the city cops are bad to pull people at around this time. If he ever got pulled over by a cop for some reason, he'd have a nervous breakdown. He wouldn't know how to handle it". My thoughts are.... at some point in his lifetime, Hes going to get pulled over by a cop. Its just life. You live and you learn. I'm sure he would be nervous if he ever got pulled over.... but he would soon learn that its a part of life that just sometimes happens. He has this thing with his hands where they shake really bad.... like uncontrollably. My paren'ts seem to think its some kind of deficiency or something medically wrong... They took him to the doctor and they didn't find anything physically wrong with him... except that his thyroid was a little overactive or underactive, I cant remember which one. They gave him pills for that though, and guess what... his hands still shake! When my dad took him to get his driver's license and he had to sign his name on a piece of paper, his hands were shaking so bad, he couldn't even do this. He had to sit down and calm his nerves for a few minutes before he could even sign the paper. Anytime we go out to eat at a restaurant, he can't even put the food up to his mouth without his hands shaking everywhere and dropping the food. My parents still choose to believe theres something physically wrong with him. I disagree. I think its nerves.... I think it makes him nervous when he feels like hes on the spotlight and everyone is watching him do something. He plays guitar... and hes pretty good at it. If his hands shook constantly even when noone is around, he wouldn't be able to play a guitar. He is extremely quiet. He literally never says anything to anyone... He never makes eye contact with anyone. I'm like this myself to an extent... I don't talk to people much either but I'm not nearly to the point that he is. I'm not too big on having to socially interact with others, especially strangers... but the difference is, I can usually push myself into doing things that I don't want to do... because I have a WANT to just be normal like everyone else and to just be able to go do simple everyday things. Even though its hard for me, I usually can push myself to get involved in social situations IF I want to do it bad enough. In my experience, the more that I make myself do something, the more comfortable I get with it. I used to be terrified to go to the grocery store by myself.... but there was a time when my husband worked 12 hours a day and wasnt always home at the time that I wanted to go shopping... so I just started pushing myself into going without him. Even now, I don't really like going by myself and I prefer to have him go with me if its possible... but it doesn't absolutely terrify me to go alone anymore like it used to. I thought maybe this is what my brother needs. So one day I tried to get him to go into a store without me and buy something. He was acting very uneasy about it and giving me the impression that he didn't want to do it... I tried to persuade him but he still didn't seem confident with the idea so I didn't push it. When I told my parent's about it, their reaction was "Don't try to make him do stuff like that. He can't do it. He can't even hand the cashier his money without shaking and dropping everything. He just cant do it." Maybe his case is so severe that it wouldn't help.... but I don't see how letting him sit in his room, playing video games and wasting away his life is helping him either. Just last night, an old friend of my dad's stopped by his restaurant and she met my brother. She asked my dad if my brother wanted to join some type of event that her church was having for "special" people. She didn't exactly say the word handicapped, but by the word "special", I'm sure thats what she meant. My dad just had a puzzled look on his face and said "No.. dont think he'd be interested in that". To me, that translated as HE didn't want my brother participating in it. I don't think HE wants people to think that he has a handicapped son. Unfortunately, when people first meet my brother, most of them can tell that there is something wrong and most of them do consider him to be handicapped.... some people think that hes maybe autistic. Nobody really knows... but everyone can tell that he isn't right. I personally don't know why he didn't at least ask my brother if he wanted to participate.... if my dad had encouraged him a little, you never know, he might have said yes. The lady said there were going to be all types of activities such as swimming, playing sports, etc... it might have been something that he would have liked and it would have gotten him out of the house. Ive told my mom before that she needs to take him to a psychiatrist. There is nothing physically wrong with him... they are barking up the wrong tree by taking him to medical doctors. Its not like my parents dont have the money to get him the proper treatment.... Its like they just refuse to acknowledge that its a mental problem. Like I said, I don't think they want anyone to think that they have a handicapped son.... but the reality is that they do. His social phobia is so bad, that its actually stopping him from having a normal life... its stopping him from having a job, from having friends, from having a girlfriend, from being able to do just normal everyday things. I think its really selfish and sad that they are more worried about themselves than him.... I think they haven't taken him to a psychiatrist yet because they dont WANT to know exactly whats wrong with him. I worry about what will happen someday when my parents are no longer around and he is used to living his whole life being completely dependent on someone else. Chances are, I'm going to be the one to take care of him. I have 2 other brothers but I doubt they'd do it.... They also still live at home with my parents, and they are in their 30s. They aren't used to having any responsibility. They have jobs at least, but they don't pay for any bills. They don't even do their own laundry. They are also very dependent on my parents but they CHOOSE to be. They could easily live on their own and take care of themselves if they wanted. My parent's are always so quick to complain whenever my husband's family needs help.... their attitude is "Why is his family even bothering you with their issues? You have your own lives!".... but then I think to myself, what about when my parents are gone and my brother needs ME to depend on? What if he has to come live with my husband and I, and we have to help support him and get him the proper treatment that he needs. I doubt that I'd hear a SINGLE word from my husband or my husband's parents about it.... because they're understanding and they know that helping people out is just apart of life sometimes. I too used to complain about my husband's family because they've needed money before and have asked us for help... but when I think about my brother and the fact that he could someday need OUR help, it has completely opened my eyes. I would be absolutely devastated if my husband told me "No. Your brother isn't staying with us! Im not supporting him! Get one of your other brothers or someone else to do it". I'd be like no... screw you. This is my brother and he needs help. My parents need to realize this too... my husband's family aren't the only ones that sometimes need help. The tables could easily be turned. And if they don't get my brother the treatment that he needs while they still have the chance to, I am 100% confident that one day I will have to take care of him when they're gone. If it comes down to that, I'll do what I have to do... but I really would like for them to get him he help that he needs before that point. I want to see him be able to get a job, move out on his own, get married and have kids... but in order for that to happen, my parents are going to have to be completely honest with themselves and come to terms with the fact that they may be labeled with having a "handicapped son", but they're just going to have to stop thinking about themselves and start thinking about him. Otherwise he's never going to get anywhere in life.... I feel horrible for him because I think he probably feels like hes living in a prison. He feels like he can't do anything... and anytime he does express any interest in doing something, my parents are always the first ones to be overprotective of him and tell him "No. You cant do that. You cant. Dont even bother". I know it has to be damaging to his self esteem to constantly be totally he can't do something. The wa y that hes living right now is not any way to live life. I'm usually not a very sympathetic person but when I think of what it must be like.... my heart just breaks for him. Ive tried talking to my parents about this and so has my husband.... they just won't listen. Is there anything that I could say or do to get through to them? If you, as a parent, were in this situation, what would you do? He desperately needs help! | |||
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| ...nuff said! | |||
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| Married 12 years really love my husband but he is destroying me. It doesn't happen all the time but he calls me names and blames me for everything. We split up a few times and I started to feel better and happy but he don't believe in divorce and I feel as if God brought us together for a reason. BUT.....now I am starting to believe him coming back into my life was a ploy by satan to destroy me.....It is written the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy. And I believe thats all he does for me. He taught my adult children to call me names by his actions I get no respect from no one. He calls me a fat ***** and says I am crazy when I truly believe he is narcissistic. I need advice what should I do :confused: | |||
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| Hey guys I was having a chat to a female friend of mine and we got on to chatting about relationships and things. Online dating popped up as neither of us have ever used them we got talking about if they do work. So what do people think of them? Do they work or not? If you have you ever been on one? What did you think of it and was the girls real or just fake profiles like on many sites? Thinking of maybe trying them out myself to see what they are like but want to get your view on them if you have tried it. Cheers. John Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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| I'll try to keep it sort as i can, so you haven't got an essay to read but i can give more info if needed- My ex bf broke up with me, 6 months ago, we are now friends. and for the last 3-4 weeks he's messaged me every friday afternoon(so far) ,seeming nice and either seeing how i am or to let me know something. -Before he started talking again, we didnt speak for over a month. (so I'm a bit confused on this sudden talking) He messaged me last night asking how i was and to let me know one of his family members pasted away in the night. (as he told me last weekend they was in hospital and that we couldnt meet for a catch up as he wanted to see them). Which I said to him i'd be there for him if needed etc... But I'm just shocked/confused that he's been messaging me every week so far and actually being nice. I have a feeling he's being nice, because i've moved on a bit from him or that we didn't speak for about a month, and he's maybe noticed that I'm getting on with myself and doing well and uni. (as he also said he's really glad i'm getting on with myself and he's liking all my recent uni work i've been posting) But i also feel that he wants me to comfort him or something. Even though he knows i would be there. We was together for 1 year 1 month and was pretty close though out. I'm just a bit confused :/ I won't lie i of course still have some feelings for him(being my first boyfriend) but i have moved on in the way of us never being together again, but i'd rather have a good friendship or something, then have him back as a boyfriend. (if makes sense) Its just all seems as though he doesn't want to lose me from his life, yet he doesnt want to get back with me. thx x | |||
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| Basically, over 2 years ago i'm pretty sure i had severe depression, despite not seeing anyone about it or being diagnosed with it. I was in a continuous low mood, always felt hopeless and helpless, i cried from time to time (i'm a dude), i didn't enjoy anything, had no self esteem, no motivation, people often told me i don't look well, wasn't doing well in class and pretty much had no interests. And i remained like that for almost 18 months, not talking to anyone about it, not doing anything about it. Roughly half into summer it was going away, by the time i was going to university i pretty much wasn't depressed anymore, at all. And then at uni it kicked in again. I hated the first term and i often thought about killing myself and did some research into how i could get hold of some carbon monoxide and was trying to think of a way to hang myself. I saw a uni counselor, but it almost made me feel worse, it was so useless. Anyway after my january exams, i almost instantly felt better. It was like one day i woke up and thought "i could either kill myself having lived a miserable, pathetic life or i could fight to live a life worth living". I instantly felt better, i no longer wanted to kill myself, i no longer was always unhappy, i thought that was the end of it, but now i'm not sure. After my exams i had the most unimaginable sleeping problems all the way through Easter. I couldn't sleep at night. I wouldn't be able to sleep at all at night, feeling totally restless and then i'd feel shattered and exhausted in the late morning and still then not getting enough sleep. I tried almost everything to fix it, but it didn't work. Over easter it improved, but didn't go away and when i returned to uni it got bad again. I had and still have no concentration. At all. I couldn't focus in a lecture for more than a minute. I had almost no motivation to do anything, especially study. I wasn't doing well in uni. Although i wasn't depressed all the time, i've noticed that i still have never been particularly happy and when i am it's only for a few seconds. My sleep has improved, but i still have no concentration, no motivation (it's as if i no longer care if i fail, even though i know i can't fail, my life depends on it). I can't seem to get much joy out of life. I occasionly cry out of no real cause, i can't be asked to talk to people or participate in conversation. Sometimes i and other people notice that i talk and move more sluggishly and i don't really like anyone including my friends. I don't know why i just don't like them, it's like theres no reason for me to like them, even though they're my friends. I don't dislike them, i just won't miss them and i don't see them in a particularly good light. Sometimes i think that i'm just lazy and incompetent and stupid and if i was the opposite i'd be doing better at uni and i'd be happier. It's actually a belief i've always held since i was first depressed. That i'm just being a drama queen and that theres nothing wrong with me, especially since after my january exams. Even when i went to see a councelor, i felt that she thought there was nothing really wrong with me and that i was there for no reason. Anyway, i just want to know if i am actually depressed and that's the reason i'm failing at uni, coz it affects my work, or maybe there's nothing wrong with me and that i'm failing coz i just have bad work ethic? I dunno, i'm not sure if i should see a doctor, i'm not sure he's going to want to hear all this, this is something more for a therapist, but i cant afford that. They'll probably think i'm just a lazy guy who's trying to use depression as a scapegoat for failing, heck even i'm not entirely convinced i'm depres sed, as if anyone else is. I think it's because i don't feel all these things at the same time and sometimes i dont think i'm even concious of it. I'm just failing and i don't why? What does it sound like to you? tldr: bold bits. Also, i don't know if this is relevant, but i've been having problems at home for years and rather recently it was really bad. | |||
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| It annoys me when people are too in your face and questioning you all the time. Im very quiet and private I like to socialise now and again but I always keep myself to myself. Theres a woman in her 30's I know from my course we hang out together and shes always asking questions and wanting to know everything. I was giving her a lift to somewhere (she doesnt drive) ll I said was that im getting a new car and she asked how im going to sell my current one. I said my aunt has offered to give me a grand and she said 'a grand for this you can get these for 600'. I said its had a lot done to it and that shes willing to pay it and she was like oh right then kept asking about how much Id paid to have the brakes done and that i could have had them done a lot cheaper. Her husband works with cars and she said 'I suppose its har when you dont know anyone into cars'. She then asked how i was going to afford the new car as i was currently looking for a job. I wouldnt dare to ask people all this lol. Then theres a man who is dating one of my friends on facebook he has bipolar I think and is always sending me messages about his new projects and that he wants me to sign a contract to work for him etc telling me im talented and all that (I think a lot is because of his symptoms). Ive said no because I dont know what I'l be doing but he doesnt give up saying that its what my friend really wants, he seems on a high most of the time. Ive started ignoring all the messages he is sending I just reply something like 'thats good, hope you are well'. The thing is on facebook he can see when ive viewed messages and when i dont reply straight away he'l send a message saying '1.30 am! Either you are at work or you dont sleep' referring to the time i viewed the message, its as though he's putting me under pressure to reply. Then theres 2 girls who go to my uni and make fun because I eat the same sandwiches everyday. They are not friends I see them sniggering after they have spoke to me. Ive started hiding my sandwiches and deliberately getting different to the ones i want lol. Its something that might happen at high school really except we are all in our twenties and studying healthcare courses. They also ask on a regular basis if I have a boyfriend to which the answer is always no because Ive never had one and am not too bothered. Why do people try to interfere (is interfere the right word?) so much? At the same time I dont really have proper friends. I just want normal friends but 'normal' people ignore me probably because Im not very social and dont fit in. Or is it me thats giving off wrong signals? Is all the above normal behaviour and Im taking it the wrong way? | |||
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| I had an interesting experience the other night and would like to learn what Tam folks think about it. Ultra condensed background: I realized a while ago that my wife has never been into me sexually. After suffering a huge ego hit, I informed my wife that I needed to "turn down the temperature" and seriously limit our love making. Her response has been to try to "turn up the temperature" by initiating sex several times a week. Although this probably sounds great, it isn't. She still doesn't desire me sexually, this is a form of duty sex and is frankly depressing to me. Still, when she initiates I know that my refusal would be interpreted as I don't love her anymore. Which is not true. But it is true that I have lost almost all sexual desire for her. So our encounters consist of both of us faking it. Our love life isn't dead, but is probably undead. Anyway, she initiated the other night when we retired for the evening. I tried my best to supress my feelings of dread and settled in to take another one for the team. At some level, I am doing now what she has always done. The difference is, I am a man and biologically it is harder for me to fake it, if you know what I mean. For some reason, we did not turn the lights on. I have always been visually aroused, and having sex in the dark diminishes my excitement somewhat. As it turned out, when it came time for me to get it up and get it in, I suddenly and unexpectedly imagined I was with someone else. Schwing, as they say. Mission accomplished, she is assured that I still love her. This has never ever happened to me before. I have always been 100% in the moment while making love. I don't know how I feel about what happened. Not guilt, but somehow disconcerting nevertheless. Is this a new trick I should deploy as needed to get the job done? Or is this a sign of accelerating disfunction in my love life and therefore something to be avoided? Should I inform my wife about this? Encourage her to do the same? I cannot imagine her taking this well, but I also realize that her failure to communicate honestly about her sexuality has damaged our sex life and it might be hypocritical of me to act the same way. Any thoughts appreciated. | |||
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| I need some input from anyone that wants to offer it. Here's the layout: I am 50yr M, was married 21 yrs, divorced was final 12/21/11. My new girlfriend is 55yrs, was married 25 years, divorce was final 5/5/11. We met in 07/11 (between the two "final" dates). I had a 16 yr old daughter & 14 yr old son. She had a 22 yr old son & 19 yr old son. (BTW, we both still have all of these children, now all 2 yrs older). In the case off MY children, daughter left home to live with ex-wife about 15 miles away. Son stayed with me. MUCH dysfunction there as far as cross-communication. Daughter not really talking to me too much, very much aligned with her mother. Son having very little to do with his mom (my ex), partly because of his resentment that she left, partly because he thinks he's doing me some benefit, because ex & I are not on greatest of terms. Girlfriend's children: Older one in Grad School, living with HER ex-husband about 60 miles away. Younger one living on-campus at college about 200 miles away. Both kids on speaking terms with her, although somewhat awkwardly (in HER mind) because they are under the impression (due to her ex-husband's doing) that the divorce was HER fault because she had an affair (which she did). Both my kids have met my girlfriend. My daughter (now) has an "I don't care if you date, or who it is" attitude, has grown, and says as long as I'm happy with the girlfriend then all is good for everybody involved. My son likes my girlfriend, always has from the time he met her, probably because of a "when dad is happy, life is easier all around for everybody involved (he & I)" perception. Now here's the rub: My girlfriend's kids have been rather "put off" by their dad's dating (Internet-dating site women half his age, with younger children). Such to the point that they have told my girlfriend (their mom) things like "You're dating ? Good for you. Dad is too and we're forced to see it. We'don't want to hear about it - his dating OR yours". She & I have been dating exclusively for 22 months. Neither of us dated anyone post-divorce prior to meeting each other. We get along wonderfully. But I have yet to meet her boys. She feels extremely guilty about "wrecking" her marriage (and their "family" life) and is just getting comfortable with having "less awkward - more normal" relationships with her sons. I am uncomfortable with these sets of relationships - namely the lack of one between her kids and me. Partly, (mostly) because for holidays, her birthday, and any special events--if one or both of her son's come into town, I am forced into the twilight zone. I understand it, but it's been nearly 2 years now. These are not little children, but young adults. She is letting their stated desires drive her actions when it comes to me, and I am frustrated about it. Anybody have any similar experiences or words of advice ? Thanks | |||
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