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Should I get divorced?

Before I begin to narrate,I'd like to apologize for my English in advance.I'm not a native speaker and I've only been studying English for 2 years.

Me(41) and my wife(40) have been married for 6 years now.We have 2 daughters(16 and 8).Me and my wife have known each other since High School.That's where we fell in love with each other.She was one of the so called "cool kids" and i was one of the kids who couldn't fit in because was different from the rest of the pack so to speak.I remember how much my wife was desired by all the boys.She had many boyfriends but ended up loving me because she's always said that me being different was the one quality that she really liked about me and she said she'd always thought i bring more qualities to the table.So ours is/was true love.We've always gotten along and it's always been great except for when it comes to the bedroom.I guess I've never been good enough for her.Even in the beginning,the first time we had it,she said it was amazing but ffs i could tell she was lying.One time i asked her to be brutally honest with me about it.She said I quote:"Look,you know i love you so much and that has nothing to do with sex but in terms of sex you're not as good as some of my exes...but i don't want them,just you and you're not even that bad" and the she hugged me.Ever since that point on,I've been trying different methods to satisfy her in the bedroom such as roleplay,toys and whatnot and i think she enjoyed our reinvigorated sex life a little bit better this way but i could just tell i sucked.Me and her both work.I'm a flight attendant and she's a kindergarten teacher.She looks after children including ours as they go to the same kindergarten she works in.Lately,she's been acting a bit suspicious.She's been spending more time on the phone than usual.Since i'm the jealous type and I'm obviously not giving her what she needs,i started thinking she's having an affair.When she went to take a shower,i took her laptop in an attempt to find out if she had an ****** maddison account or a match dot com account and luckily,she didn't have any accounts of that nature.As a matter of fact her browser history was filled with facebook links which i accecced snd because she's always logged in i could read her messages snd see her posts etc. and luckily,no signs of cheating were shown.It was all good.So i thought to myself,she was speaking to some colleague or a friend and besides that,my wife has put on some weight,she wears glasses now,she's not that high school chick any more so nog many men would like her and she's a responsible woman after all.1 week later,though,my world was shaken to its foundations.I was just returning home from work when i overheard my wife's phone call.She was speaking to one of her ex boyfriends from high school,perhaps the one she liked the best before she fell in love with me as he had aspirations to be a rugby player and had a great physique.His name is Jack.I was shocked that they still kept in touch after so many years.I couldn't wait to confront my wife about her conversation with him but i couldn't because she h ad to go.I was so jealous,i thought i'd follow her because it was Sunday,her only day off.I drove behind her.Surprisingly,she pulled over near some hotel.She went inside.I waited for a few minutes,then went in as well.I asked the guy at the reception about my wife.Unfortunately,he couldn't give me this type of information.He ended up telling me that to the best of his knowledge,she comes here three times a week and apparently the guy knew what was happening so instead of bye he said:"goodluck!".I was shocked.I wanted to believe that something else was happening but it was pretty apparent.The phone call,the hotel,everything.I was able to connect the dots-my wife was having an affair with her ex boyfriend from school.I went back home and bursted into tears.One of our kids was there and tried to console me and asked me what was going on.She was ruining a marriage that was allegedly based on love.She said it herself,she only wants me and no one else.Maybe,it's my fault that i ca n'tv satisfy her needs but what happened a week later nearly killed me.I'd been pondering this whole situation for a whole week.I decided not to confront my wife but catch her in the act instead.On Friday,i talked to my friend John about this.He adviced me to set up cameras around the house like in many videos that they do and post online about their wives getting caught.At first i thought it was crazy but he convinced me it was a good idea.He helped me rent 3 high quality cameras and all the equipment and also helped me set them up and hide them well while my wife was at work,or doing what she was doing in that hotel.Since my wife didn't know John,i told her he invited me to his wedding on Sunday so i'd be away the whole day.So,on Sunday,me and John went to his place and turned on his laptop and observed what was happening throughout the day.At first we thought,she'd take off to that hotel again and wouldn't bring him home(which is what we were hoping for).At around 4:30pm my wife went to the bedroom,took off all of her clothes and to my surprise,opened my wardrobe and put on one of my shirts and one of my ties and nothing else.The kids were not there,I quickly gave the older one a call to find out where they were.They were sent to their grandparents'.I was so angry at this moment so i started cussing out my wife.5 mins later,another man(Jack) came in our bedroom,they started kissing,they later on moved in our own marital bed.It was a horrific scene for me.I watched them have sex for a couple of hours and as ugly as this will sound,in the end my wife gave him a blowjob and let him cum in her mouth.When I thought it couldn't get any worse,i heard her say i quote:"I haven't done this since High School,Jack.I haven't swallowed since then and i love your ****" and then she kept blowing him.She went on for ages.He came again,this time on her tits and because she has long hair,it got in her hair too.Some landed on my shirt and stained it.My friend John tried to prevent me from watching a couple of times but i insisted on watching.I was crushed down and i can't even begin to explain how i was feeling.He was laughing like a sick bastard and was asking her questions about me or as he was referring to me-her poor hubby.He was asking her questions along tje lines of:Am i bigger than him,better than him? to which she responded with a Yes but the one question that stood out the most is the one i could never get over.He said i quote:"Are you gonna kiss your poor hubby with this mouth later without brushing your teeth?" to which she didn't respond with an answer but with a loud giggle and then continued to give him a blowjob for another 10 mins.Then i watched them get dressed.I decided to hurry back to home before she'd already cleaned up.I got home just in the nick of time.She was still in my shirt,the bed sheets were crumpled.There were remnants of sperm on her lips and on her left cheek.I'd seen enough.She started sobbing a nd apologizing through tears.I left the house and haven't returned home ever since.She's been messaging me and calling me.In a text message she explained why she did it-she needed good sex and i wasn't giving it to her and obviously said she'd never do it again and was begging me for forgiveness.Come to think of it,part of it is my fault but she crossed the line.She's a married woman.She can't do that any more.I have a video of her cheating on me at my disposal so i believe that if i consulted with a lawyer i'd be avle to get a divorce without a problem.I'm almost convinced to file for divorce but the reason why i say almost is because ofnour daughters.If I actuate this process,it could be detrimental to our kids,it could devastate them.I don't know what to do any more.All I know is that I don't love my wife any more.

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should have given you all my business

So my 72 yr old wf and I were talking about our retirement. I wasn't sure we had enough to retire. she said we did and wanted to show me.

We get in the car and drive about 2 miles and past an apartment complex. She says see that? We own them.

We drive further past a large shopping center. she says see that? we own it

Then we drive past an industrial park. same thing again. we own that.

so i said how did we get all of this? She says, well, every time we had sex I put money in a jar. And when I had enough for a down payment, I'd buy it.

I started crying. She said why are you crying. I said I'm crying because if I knew you were saving money every time we had sex, I'd given you all my business!!

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Mission: Be My Husbands Sex Goddess

I'm a very passionate woman. Romance and sensuality runs crazy in my mind. Sometimes it makes me act out in ways that aren't so conducive to a happy marriage.

~This is going to change.

My mission is to become the ultimate sex goddess to my husband. My sensuality will make him want me so passionately that he'll become a more sexual person.

Any hints to help me in my quest is fully appreciated.

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He doesn't allow me to have friends...

My husband is very controlling but he likes to pretend he isn't . He is extremely religious to the point of being an extremist . i feel like I am trapped in a box ...he made it so I have no way to leave the house without his permission or to even use the phone without him ranting and trying to take it . He doesn't allow me to have gal pals and says that they will corrupt me or be a bad influence . He doesn't allow me to hang out with my siblings and if I plead enough and he lets me I have to constantly call and text him to check in. He says that women are to be seen and not heard and whenever I try to voice my opinion or speak up for myself he will throw bible verses at me about being a virtuous woman etc ...I was just wondering is it normal for a husband to dictate a wife's social life to the point where he makes her a hermit simply because he is one ? He has no friends and has shut his entire family out . He expects me to do the same . The more I try t o pull away from him the more he pulls me in .

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****** *******

I'm not curious for my own situation, but wondering if anyone knows where to view the leaked list of Ashely ******* users? When the news broke if the leaks, I was thinking of the TAM crowd and wondering if anyone here suspicious of their spouse has seen this list or found out their spousevwas using this site

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Sadfully, back again.

I came on here tonight completely and 100% adamant about my situation with my wife. I felt confident and sure.:grin2:

I look into the top right corner and it shows my log in information stored and ready to be logged in at my will. I have been to this site before, it wasn't just a random Google search tonight like I had originally thought.

I'm a 27 year old airline pilot. I have two children. I have been with the same person for 14 years, married for 5 of those years. One year ago. I found out she had been cheating on me for approximately 18 months or so, even getting pregnant by this...person(ended in a mc). She packed up the kids one day when I was on a trip and moved to the other side of the state in with her parents to get away from the entire situation(meaning the guy).

We moved in together and have been "working it out" for the last year. About 2 months ago she decides she wants the divorce again.

She moves into an apartment and I stay in the house. In the mean time, while we are still married but I guess "separated," she does ORAL ONLY:confused:....with one of our mutual friends. She then goes to the female mutual friend and tells her I'm secretly gay that's why shes leaving me(IE to ensure I couldn't do the same as her). She claims the affair was my fault because I'm more feminine than most. I'm not gay but I am very clean, in shape, stylish, and always get along with women better than men. She takes this as must being gay but I have always just been myself....? I can't sit here and accept that those things caused an affair.

So time goes by, and now she wants me back. Yes we hooked up a couple times and when we spend time together, it's like we are young and problem free again but in the back of my mind is all this.

Our families despise our relationship because of all the drama. I finally am forming relationships again with my father, aunts, uncles, and some of her family members I was close to.

I practice Buddhism, so peacefulness is very much a priority in my life. I don't do drama or chaos.

I know what people will say, get a D and move on. Please understand with two kids its not that easy. Also, I DO genuinely love her but how much weight does that carry in the big scheme of things?


Edit> She does have bipolar disorder.

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I think separation is the next step.

H and I have been together for 5 years, married for almost 4 years. A few mnths before we got married, I found a huge porn stash along with nude pictures of past lovers/girlfriends. I confronted him about it and he promised to delete everything and that it wouldn't happen again. (Back story, my first marriage ended partly because of porn addition) well, this has happened 4 times now. When I found another stash a year ago, I told him that if it happened again, I would leave. Three weeks ago I found another stash along wih pictues he pulled of Facebook of MY friends. We talked nd he said he felt like it was an addiction and that he needed to seek help.
Three weeks in and he hadn't contacted anyone or done anything to make a change. Yesterday I found out that he is still looking at fb pics o my friends and then masterbaiting. Our kids and myself stayed with my parents latnight and he is acting like it is nothing, like I am just gonna get ver it and he will get to keep doing what he wants. I feel like this s it, I'm done. But should I keep trying for our kids sake? They are 3 and 1. I need advice!

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Feeling Overwhelmed and Like my Marriage is Failing...

My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. We have both had our share of mess ups in our marriage. For the past couple months he has bean hateful and just mean at times to me. I know I have my own faults but I have tried to talk to him and as soon as I say something he doesnt like its time for me to hush and he walks away. It comes off as he wants me to beg for him to show me any kind of love or affection. I am at a loss and just need someone to talk to. Thanks

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Antique Restoration Project...

Awhile ago, my wife inherited some antique furniture from her grandparents. They had a house in Puerto Rico (San German) and the house is registered with the Historical Society as it is like well over 100 years old. The shippers, jerks as they are damaged this gorgeous guarda comida that I will be restoring. This particular piece is over 150 years old and has been handed down over generations...







[IMGhttp://i57.tinypic.com/9g8p03.jpg[/IMG]

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Taking my relationship further, committing, and telling parents about relationship

Hi guys, i'm needing advice on what I should be doing in regards to my current relationship. And hopefully, typing it out and telling people would help in clearing my thoughts and figuring out what to do.

I've been seeing this guy (let's name him F), for around 5 months now. We had been friends for over a year over the internet (we knew each other through a mutual friend that we both know in real life. we just started talking because we both play games), and we never really thought about getting together during our friendship. I went through a hurtful break up earlier this year, and F supported me during the healing process, and that's how we got closer. We eventually realized that we like each other and started dating.

After going through a few not so pleasant experience with relationships: falling in love hard and giving too much and receiving too little, I am extremely cautious of getting too close to people. My mom also tells me to focus on uni and stop dating too much/ investing in relationships that would end. (but i mean, who the hell would know the outcome when you first get into a relationship).

It took me a long time to get with F because I always doubt my feelings and my judgement, since all of my previous relationships failed, and I'm often at a loss of why certain things happened the way they did. But F was an incredible friend who was really there and listened, I couldn't be any grateful for him. And as a boyfriend, he's a really dependable guy, and I really really do love him. But this is really different from other relationships that I have. Physically speaking, he isn't really my type (past relationships that I had were sort of based on chemistry and physical attraction), and he also won't be going to university (he hates school), which is not exactly on my "ideals of future bf/husband" list when I wrote as a teenager.

And for those above reasons, I'm not 100% sure of how this relationship is going to go. I grew up in upper middle class, and his family is quite poor when he was a kid. Our bring up is completely different. But I feel that sometimes I think like an elitist (with him not wanting to go to school, and choosing a career path that I wouldn't necessarily want for him. and sometimes i feel like I don't respect his choices), and that's not fair to him.

I've been struggling a lot lately because a lot of times, I do think that I'm being extremely selfish for just thinking about what he can give me, instead of reaching a compromise, and start trying harder. I don't know if it's hormonal, or me being upset, there are days when I really really show him that I love him, and there are days when I don't really feel like up for anything. And this is really bothering me because I guess I was expecting things to fall into pace without me trying. And at times, I doubt if I truly do love him. I know that relationships do take hard work, and I'm always not wanting to make decisions/giving myself excuses.

I haven't told my parents about my relationship with him yet, especially when they don't really like me to date. I've also thought that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship. Normally, when people realize that, they would work on themselves. But let me tell you this, I don't think that being single/having some time on my own would really help me get back on my feet, because I would literally lie down and be a piece of **** anyways. I do need a cause to get myself back together.

What do you guys think? Do you think that I just don't love him enough? Or that I just need to grow a pair (of ovaries), and take on some responsibilities? Are feelings supposed to just click, and are always gonna be there? Or do those feelings require work to maintain? Are we just not compatible because he doesn't fulfil all of the items on my list? I'm confused over the concepts of love being feelings vs love being an action and something you do.

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Wife or Daughter ?

I have a daughter from my previous marriage.

My current wife does not want anything to do with my daughter, she never saw her, or wants me to talk to her.

I am unhappy, feel like I am walking on egg shells. I have to hide my relationship with my daughter, she says if i talk to her, its the same as she talking to her ex boyfriends :frown2:

What is next Divorce ? and move on ?

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New member to the forum

Hi guys, I joined the forum the other day and thought I would say hi before posting on ant of the threads. I've been married for 20 years, some good some bad and for the last 5 years haven't been good at all. Long story I'll get into soon but I think what I'm looking for here is when do you know it's time to separate and move on. I'll look around and posts some questions soon. Thanks.

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New member here ..

Hey everyone :smile2:

I just joined this forum.

Like most relationships there's a good side and bad side to mine though I don't feel comfortable sharing the details or " dirty laundry " at the moment I am seeing how there are others with my same concerns.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 12 years and we have two beautiful little ones. We both work long hours to go home to be Mom and Dad so it's taken it's toll on us being significant others , best friends and lovers :(

I hope to learn from everyone here and hopefully be of help to others as well.

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Is my wife (still) having an affair?

Question for you. Lets assume everything I write below is the truth.

Over the course of a marriage, a woman starts to resent/fall out of love with her husband. She confides in a man at her job and over time, becomes emotionally attached. They cross over to a physical affair on one night only.

She then decides that she wants to try and work on fixing her marriage and her family. She tells the co-worker that they must not do that again but she wants to remain friends. She doesnt have sex with the co-worker again, but the two of them continue to see each other outside of work alone for a few minutes here and there, after work he walks her to her car, etc. They send each other e-mails about music and sometimes the woman lets her guard down and will say something like "I miss you terribly".

My question is simply this: Is she still having an affair if she continues to engage this co-worker like this? Is this considered an ongoing affair?

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Great read for the BS!! Why Is It So Hard to Remember They Suck?

Why Is It So Hard to Remember They Suck?

August 17, 2015 by Chump Lady

Today's guest post is by Tempest (who has a PhD in psychology)

Why is it so hard to remember that they suck? What makes hapless chumps so prone to pity and compassion, even after our spouse has attempted every position in the Kama Sutra with our best friend from college?

We are all at varying stages in the process — suffering the first pangs of horror and panic attacks after learning of the ultimate betrayal, followed by the slow, but still sharp pain of realization of how badly we were deceived by the one person we trusted most with our hearts. And the RAGE that seems as if it might consume us from within, but which finally propels us to take the steps necessary to disengage from our marriage or union and look ever so slightly into the future at what life will be like post-divorce. A sigh of relief — the divorce is final, settlement is settled, no-contact is in place (as well as it can be if we are co-parenting with the cheater), the anger subsides, and then….we start to miss them, to edit the past and remember the good times with the person we thought they were.

What's up with that? Month after month, our cheaters got carpal-tunnel system from texting their APs, sneaked away from family events to bang the babysitter or the next door neighbor or a graduate student or a co-worker, bought the APs fancy dinners or gifts that we never saw the likes of. And we MISS them? Get nostalgic for the happy times? Huh?!


(read the rest here)

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