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A muslim hijabi girl attracted to japanese guys.
Hi everyone !
So I'm new here and I just want to expose you my issue in the aim to have some advice maybe :p
Well, I'm a student muslim hijabi girl (I wear headscarf) and I love japanese culture since I was a child.
I'm attracted to japanese guys, it's seem weird haha but I think that everyone have an ideal type, and this is mine xDD
They have an amazing culture,language, they are respectful and kind ...but the majority are atheist :(
Physically I'm thin and I have a little "Caucasian/asian" face,even if I'm not asian x)
So I just want to know if someone is in the same case Or if there are japanese people in this website who can tell me what they think about a girl who wear headscarf :$
*sorry for my awkward english*
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I had a dream of marrying my...
I get dreams since my young age as a young handsome and cute looking guy always wanting love and marry me and kept always asking me in my dreams..I get this dream nearly everyday..
Once it was like I migrated to India to escape from him but, he came there and proposed me again. I don't know why I was refusing..If it was in real I would of said Yes to him..
Last year I got a dream that I was marrying him..
What is all this? I have met him in real life though once I went to uni. I haven't spoken to him about this.
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Need advice about dating a cheating divorcee
Hi There,
I have been divorced several years now. Met a man in March this year, he and his wife had just started divorce proceedings a few months before hand. We had an immediate attraction and started a romance. He has 3 kids and I have 3 kids. We are both mid 30s.
He had had an affair early on in his marriage and although they patched things up, the marriage never really survived the aftermath of mistrust from his wife. So I was wary about getting involved, but having dated for a few months our relationship blossomed. We have lots of things in common, incredible chemistry and of course I have been able to help him through this year having been through a divorce myself.
To sum up our relationship this year I'd say it started out very passionate (still is) and he was smitten, so was I. It continued that way but here is my glitch. We are friends on facebook and noticed he is friends with some gal who is quite flirty with him. I researched a bit and not only was it mildly flirty but it was also quite intense how they talked to each other about certain topics (not sexy topics, but it seemed they hit it off discussing unusual subjects). So he and I had a few upsets about this girl. It's a person he met on a blog/chat site last year and he says they have not actually met in person and she lives way out of state. So I felt better.
But then I noticed again here and there they'd talk and she was flirty and he could be and I had no idea if they were talking privately. Then I was sneaky and checked his facebook email and saw a few months ago they had had some sexually laced / innuendo chats and although he seemed to keep a lid on it, it was threatenting.
So after we had a discussion about us he said he'd not talk to her again but he did not delete her from Facebook. But I also noticed he never talked about me on fb publicy and then recently, after 10 months he suddenly starts publicly tagging my name and being romantic about me. I was happy. I wasn't sure why the shift to suddenly broadcasting me on facebook, but it made me feel good. But a few days later I once again saw his open fb page and I went to this girls page. Clearly the week before she'd met someone new and he seemed kind of jealous as he reached out to her and tried to get her attention with small talk, but the girl was having nothing of it and ignored him. It was at that point my boyfriend started talking about me on his facebook statuses. not sure if that was for me or to make her jealous? :(
So we had a fight and didn't talk for a week. Then we had an amazing few weeks in December and I've never felt so much love from him. He continued to mention me on facebook and wrote some incredible notes to me and spent so much time with my family and declared me his girlfriend on facebook and really went full blown public about us on his facebook on Christmas Eve telling all his FB friends that I was 'his love' and he treasured me and our future was bright. I was happy, of course, but then I noticed about 2 hours later, that same woman deleted him as a friend.
That's kind of weird. Clearly she was upset by that message and although I know my boyfriend is sincere and loves me, I know that he must have led her on a bit for her to feel upset and delete him.
He says he loves me, he is incredible with our children, we spend all our time together and it's a deeply romantic, sexually and intellecutally fulfilling amazing ride, and I feel he is my soul mate. But this one woman on facebook is scaring me, even though they have not met. She has clearly removed him as a friend (I know it was her not him as we were skiing and when we got home, she was no longer a friend, so it was her, not him).
Sorry for long story. I do not know if I'm making too much of this situation with this woman and should just forget it? Or if this is something to worry about? They are still friends on one other social media site and there seems to have been no correspondence since she cut him off.
I have been divorced several years now. Met a man in March this year, he and his wife had just started divorce proceedings a few months before hand. We had an immediate attraction and started a romance. He has 3 kids and I have 3 kids. We are both mid 30s.
He had had an affair early on in his marriage and although they patched things up, the marriage never really survived the aftermath of mistrust from his wife. So I was wary about getting involved, but having dated for a few months our relationship blossomed. We have lots of things in common, incredible chemistry and of course I have been able to help him through this year having been through a divorce myself.
To sum up our relationship this year I'd say it started out very passionate (still is) and he was smitten, so was I. It continued that way but here is my glitch. We are friends on facebook and noticed he is friends with some gal who is quite flirty with him. I researched a bit and not only was it mildly flirty but it was also quite intense how they talked to each other about certain topics (not sexy topics, but it seemed they hit it off discussing unusual subjects). So he and I had a few upsets about this girl. It's a person he met on a blog/chat site last year and he says they have not actually met in person and she lives way out of state. So I felt better.
But then I noticed again here and there they'd talk and she was flirty and he could be and I had no idea if they were talking privately. Then I was sneaky and checked his facebook email and saw a few months ago they had had some sexually laced / innuendo chats and although he seemed to keep a lid on it, it was threatenting.
So after we had a discussion about us he said he'd not talk to her again but he did not delete her from Facebook. But I also noticed he never talked about me on fb publicy and then recently, after 10 months he suddenly starts publicly tagging my name and being romantic about me. I was happy. I wasn't sure why the shift to suddenly broadcasting me on facebook, but it made me feel good. But a few days later I once again saw his open fb page and I went to this girls page. Clearly the week before she'd met someone new and he seemed kind of jealous as he reached out to her and tried to get her attention with small talk, but the girl was having nothing of it and ignored him. It was at that point my boyfriend started talking about me on his facebook statuses. not sure if that was for me or to make her jealous? :(
So we had a fight and didn't talk for a week. Then we had an amazing few weeks in December and I've never felt so much love from him. He continued to mention me on facebook and wrote some incredible notes to me and spent so much time with my family and declared me his girlfriend on facebook and really went full blown public about us on his facebook on Christmas Eve telling all his FB friends that I was 'his love' and he treasured me and our future was bright. I was happy, of course, but then I noticed about 2 hours later, that same woman deleted him as a friend.
That's kind of weird. Clearly she was upset by that message and although I know my boyfriend is sincere and loves me, I know that he must have led her on a bit for her to feel upset and delete him.
He says he loves me, he is incredible with our children, we spend all our time together and it's a deeply romantic, sexually and intellecutally fulfilling amazing ride, and I feel he is my soul mate. But this one woman on facebook is scaring me, even though they have not met. She has clearly removed him as a friend (I know it was her not him as we were skiing and when we got home, she was no longer a friend, so it was her, not him).
Sorry for long story. I do not know if I'm making too much of this situation with this woman and should just forget it? Or if this is something to worry about? They are still friends on one other social media site and there seems to have been no correspondence since she cut him off.
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Here's an odd one ...
My mother, a lifelong smoker, is now afflicted with a near-constant cough. Blames it on allergies, the weather, post-nasal drip, you name it. In fact, she and my father now sleep in separate rooms because HE can't take it anymore. (Yes, she has been tested for lung cancer, and so far everything's negative.) She also has poor sleep habits; for the past year, she will come home from work, fall asleep at 8 p.m., then get up at 4 a.m. to go through her day.
When she and my dad visit me (I have a rather-small one-bedroom apartment), she will fall asleep in a living room chair at 8 p.m., and wake up periodically during the early morning with the worst cough I've ever heard. It literally sounds like she's vomiting. I work an early shift Sunday through Thursday, and on previous visits her coughing has either kept me awake or awakened me well before my alarm goes off.
Frankly, I'm tired of listening to it and her excuses ("it's your cat's dander," "it's your dusty house," [which is a crock because I keep things VERY clean] "I didn't take my cough medicine," "it's the weather/allergies/pollen/etc."). Then she complains when I'm tired and don't want to socialize. So, here are my questions:
1) Am I selfish to want a peaceful night's sleep even when they visit? I know I cannot control her lifestyle choices, but I do control what I will put up with. On the other hand, they ARE my parents and I'd feel guilty at making them stay elsewhere just because of my mother's coughing.
2) What can I say/do to make her or them understand that I want peace in my own home?
Any/all comments/suggestions welcome.
When she and my dad visit me (I have a rather-small one-bedroom apartment), she will fall asleep in a living room chair at 8 p.m., and wake up periodically during the early morning with the worst cough I've ever heard. It literally sounds like she's vomiting. I work an early shift Sunday through Thursday, and on previous visits her coughing has either kept me awake or awakened me well before my alarm goes off.
Frankly, I'm tired of listening to it and her excuses ("it's your cat's dander," "it's your dusty house," [which is a crock because I keep things VERY clean] "I didn't take my cough medicine," "it's the weather/allergies/pollen/etc."). Then she complains when I'm tired and don't want to socialize. So, here are my questions:
1) Am I selfish to want a peaceful night's sleep even when they visit? I know I cannot control her lifestyle choices, but I do control what I will put up with. On the other hand, they ARE my parents and I'd feel guilty at making them stay elsewhere just because of my mother's coughing.
2) What can I say/do to make her or them understand that I want peace in my own home?
Any/all comments/suggestions welcome.
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Friends of the opposite sex in marriage
What do you all think about being friends with people of the opposite sex when you're married?
I think it's OK to be friends with the opposite sex with the other friend is also married. But it's a bit strange if they aren't unless they are gay. Or if the couple is friends with the single person, if it's a group thing. Otherwise I would think it gets tricky, I would feel uncomfortable.
I think it's OK to be friends with the opposite sex with the other friend is also married. But it's a bit strange if they aren't unless they are gay. Or if the couple is friends with the single person, if it's a group thing. Otherwise I would think it gets tricky, I would feel uncomfortable.
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Multible infidelity issues over a long time. How to procede?
Ok this is going to be long, sorry :)
My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for 2 of them (he never wanted to get married, saw it as pointless). Neither of us had any relationships prior to us. Except for something out of my control when I was 12, we are each others first. I'm 33, he is 38.
I always asked him is he ok with this as he wasn't going to get to experience other women. He always claimed he had a low sex drive and wasn't interested in anyone else.
My husband met a girl at work in January whom he became instant best friends with. She was a carbon copy of him, all the same likes, dislikes, clothing style, life goals, etc. A little odd but possible.
The friendship with a girl wasn't unusual for him (ill get to that later on) and I was happy he had a friend. He spent plenty of time with her. He mentioned she has the hots for him so i warned him "don't get involved with this girl, i will leave you and she will go crazy on you" (she had done some odd things already). She had talked to him about her ex (turned out he was married and she was the other woman) and how his family claimed she was stalking him. He reassured me he had no interest and that he found her repulsive.
I got a little nervous with how much he started ignoring me and talking about her so I asked to go on trips with them. Both were super enthusiastic about it. So i let the gut feeling slide. He set her up as a best friend for me since I never had any friends (he was always quick to point out their flaws, make a fuss over me spending time with them etc). This was the first time he was happy about me having a friend. We got on well, she helped with my birthday present (he has always forgotten my birthday in the past), support when my cat was dying of cancer, helping my husbands best friend move house, and i even invited her along on our anniversary dinner since my husband always pitched her as lonely, a little crazy and in need of friends.
At the anniversary dinner she stopped talking to me and stomped off after she finished her food in a bit of a hissy fit. It was after I put my arm in his (he didn't respond) but he played it off on her having a bad day. She was very friendly on the 2 hour drive to the city beforehand.
At the beginning of November he comes home and tells me she broke down at work upset. She thought him working more meant she wouldn't get to see him as much. He seemed disgusted by it. I passed it off as more of her crazy until read an email by her (to him) that said "phone me please, I need to hear your voice". Crap! He continued the "lonely, a little crazy and in need of friends" line as well as the original "she has the hots for me but i'm not interested in her" line. I told him to cut all non-work contact and turn work into professional talk only. He said he told her and she inquired about me being mad at her.
I had the gut feeling something was going on but she was so grossly obese, missfortunate in looks with greasy hair and had a weird ...smell she covered in heavy perfume (which he hates perfume and all girly things) that i never thought he would be involved physically with her. He never spoke highly of her but never was mean either.
He deleted ALL of his emails and txt messages that night so when I went to check for more from her there was nothing. HUGE RED FLAG! I didn't know what to do.
She phoned our house after 2 weeks and so i freaked out that he hadn't told her to stop. I posted on another forum asking for help and they suggested using a deleted txt recovery program. I asked for his phone, he asked why and when I told him he freaked out about privacy and such. He has NEVER had concerns over privacy before so I always trusted him.
He admitted they had kissed a bunch but he basically stood there why she did everything for a few seconds.
That was the start of trickle truthing me for the next 2 days during which we didn't sleep. Basically it was a lot of making out before and after work, and some mutual stuff with hands on bits in the car after helping his best friend move (while my cat was dying of cancer) and her getting naked at her house trying to get him to sleep with her.
I called my sister for help and he kept shouting out "you told me to stay friends with her", "you made me take her to my friends house moving", "it was your idea to involve her in our anniversary" and so forth while i was on the phone with my sister.
I screamed at him to shut up and i didn't know they were involved. I didn't have all of the info to make an informed decision!
Several more day of talking and so much truth I had to discover on my own. I checked the phone logs to find out he had been calling her everyday before he worked for 1 hour to chat. The day after my cat died he spent 4 hours on the phone with her (he was supposed to be at work where no mobiles allowed). He was spending his full plans $500 per month total on just calling her. He was aggressive from the first month and amped it up in the month before the incident in the car. It was obvious he was super into it and not just passive like he claimed to be. After I told him to cut off the friendship with her, he had still been calling her everyday.
He said he couldn't break it off with her because he was worried she would tell me and he didn't want to hurt me... and planned on taking it to the grave.
I cant recover the txts because he gave me the phone they were on when he demanded a new one because the old ones battery was dead. It wasn't dead because he spent so much time on the phone with her running it down... I did a full factory wipe meaning everything was written over as empty. Not recoverable.
Everything about herself turned out to be a lie. I had pointed several things out in the year but he never cared.
It seems he does have a high sex drive, masturbates regularly and watches porn all of which he said wasn't true in the past (I don't care, i hate the lying part).
His facebook messages were full of "i love you" and "miss you" at the girls from his last work place. All much more honest and heartfelt than he had ever said to me. In hindsight he has had many emotional affairs over the years. 7 girls that I can remember some right in front of me. Basically he flirts with everyone and the girls that respond he focuses on intensely. He hates the rest and makes mean comments about them to me. He ignores me mostly (except when he wants dinner or sex) and just talks about them all day long. He makes excuses to go see them but never talks to them on the phone in front of me. Anytime he introduces me to them its always straight up, this is my gf/wife. Probably to stop them from acting inappropriately towards him in front of me...
He calls them his friends and gets upset if i dont approve claiming im just trying to keep him from having friends.
It gets stupid until the point where they get married and all communication becomes one sided with him attempting to visit them. He has never been invited to any of their weddings.
I asked him how he treated them was any different to the physical affair girl and he said it wasn't.
There is also another girl he was treating the same still at his work. She is only 20, almost half his age. He claims she doesn't work with him but is conveniently not photographing the page with her work shifts on it anymore.
There is also a 16 year old girl he had been making uncomfortable at the volunteer group I had him go to. He claimed he wasn't but it was obvious to everyone. I'm concerned about her.
The girl he got physical with keeps approaching him at his work (His boss went out of her way to keep the affair girl away from him), leaving voicemail messages, driving past my house (i'm an hour away, on a no-through road in the middle of nowhere) and emailing me. She is acting like she thinks we are all conspiring to keep him away from her. She even planned a surprise reunion for him with her at his workplace and tries to tell me to just let him work with her because she is quitting (still hasn't).
Ive been his mommy replacement (he doesn't treat her any better) while he runs off and has fun, at the same time crushing any ability for me to have fun or hopes/dreams that could make me realize how much of an ass he has been.
My sister has stopped being supportive of me and now asking him how he is coping, telling me to not be hard on him and to not drag it out for any longer than a month. Its only been a month. He seems to have this weird affect on women and they always jump to his side...
Ive cut off contact with my sister for now, can see how huge of a doormat ive been (there is plenty more mistreatment including physical not related to infidelity) and am making huge changes in my attitude and life.
He claims he is truly sorry and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. That he didn't realize how important I was to him until now. So i have given him a chance with simple terms.
1. I told him I wanted him to go to the doctor for a medical, get check for stds (it was clear) and get a referral to a psychiatrist since there are a lot of other problems as well as this infidelity issue. He was devastated that he was found mentally sound and has no excuses for his behaviors. He has another appointment with both the doctor and the psychiatrist at the start of the year. His thyroid is very low so that may be an issue with his moods at least. He has been questioning why he even needs a psychiatrist or therapist since he isn't mentally ill...uugggh!
2. He promised to defer to me on his behaviors towards people and claims he has made improvements with everyone at work. He isn't treating it like his playground and seems to be making real friends with all of the guys. Something he claimed he never could do because they were all too caveman like... (aka they didnt put up with his **** because they didnt want to sleep with him).
3. I told him how important xmas and my birthday was and i wanted him to go out of his way to get me something small. He claimed he had no idea what to get and so didn't... He spent his birthday and xmas the past few days with his family while i was home alone (I have no family or friends and he had the car with no public transport here).
He offered me a box of candy his family gave him (for him not me) when i called him out on not thinking about me for xmas even when I'm about to divorce him. He said he is going to return some of the items his mom bought him for his birthday and let me pick out something (money is NOT and issue, is the lack of thought!).
4. Tell his family we are married. He claims they will be mad at him or disown him for marrying me. They have hated me from early on but because of him (long story).
5.Spend time with our cats he claims to love and don't ignore the sick/dying cat when she is desperate for a cuddle. Stop yelling at them and being rough.
6. Learn the kind of person I am. He doesn't even know any of my likes/dislikes/hope dreams because he has always ignored them or dismissed them. Support me in my career choices instead of tearing me down.
7. Stop the massive amount of verbal/emotional abuse he has been dishing out (yes i have been a huge doormat) and treat me at least decently.
8. Stop being so hateful and negative all of the time towards himself, me and everyone who doesn't fall for his flirting.
9. Show me he cares about me, don't just talk about how he thinks it. Words are cheap.
He has been given two months to show improvement.
One month in and he is still treating me less than he ever treated them. He is never excited to speak to me, spend time with me, flirt, laugh, joke, care if im sick, sad etc. He just hates on himself, talks about me leaving him and does his usual "but i always think of you". He claims he has been trying hard but when questioned he said he has been vacuuming the floor and cooking his own food (im on strike for the first time in 17 years) and that's it!
The only things I know are true are the phone bill, email message and the Facebook messages. He could be lying to me on everything else and I wouldn't know. Am considering a polygraph to add to the list of wants.
I felt disgusted Ive had sex with him since finding out and that he did to me what he had described doing to her without even checking it was ok with me. I feel used and like a stupid doormat.
Am i being unreasonable in my demands? I feel like im just asking him to be a reasonable human being. Is he being unreasonable in how he is treating me? Is there anything more that can be expected with his behavior? Is this typical of how someone who has cheated acts after being found out?
Note: I have had a ...rough childhood that caused mental and physical scars so if anyone wonders why i have put up with so much, that's why. I'm not after that kind of advice just an understanding of whats normal so I can make the correct decisions.
My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for 2 of them (he never wanted to get married, saw it as pointless). Neither of us had any relationships prior to us. Except for something out of my control when I was 12, we are each others first. I'm 33, he is 38.
I always asked him is he ok with this as he wasn't going to get to experience other women. He always claimed he had a low sex drive and wasn't interested in anyone else.
My husband met a girl at work in January whom he became instant best friends with. She was a carbon copy of him, all the same likes, dislikes, clothing style, life goals, etc. A little odd but possible.
The friendship with a girl wasn't unusual for him (ill get to that later on) and I was happy he had a friend. He spent plenty of time with her. He mentioned she has the hots for him so i warned him "don't get involved with this girl, i will leave you and she will go crazy on you" (she had done some odd things already). She had talked to him about her ex (turned out he was married and she was the other woman) and how his family claimed she was stalking him. He reassured me he had no interest and that he found her repulsive.
I got a little nervous with how much he started ignoring me and talking about her so I asked to go on trips with them. Both were super enthusiastic about it. So i let the gut feeling slide. He set her up as a best friend for me since I never had any friends (he was always quick to point out their flaws, make a fuss over me spending time with them etc). This was the first time he was happy about me having a friend. We got on well, she helped with my birthday present (he has always forgotten my birthday in the past), support when my cat was dying of cancer, helping my husbands best friend move house, and i even invited her along on our anniversary dinner since my husband always pitched her as lonely, a little crazy and in need of friends.
At the anniversary dinner she stopped talking to me and stomped off after she finished her food in a bit of a hissy fit. It was after I put my arm in his (he didn't respond) but he played it off on her having a bad day. She was very friendly on the 2 hour drive to the city beforehand.
At the beginning of November he comes home and tells me she broke down at work upset. She thought him working more meant she wouldn't get to see him as much. He seemed disgusted by it. I passed it off as more of her crazy until read an email by her (to him) that said "phone me please, I need to hear your voice". Crap! He continued the "lonely, a little crazy and in need of friends" line as well as the original "she has the hots for me but i'm not interested in her" line. I told him to cut all non-work contact and turn work into professional talk only. He said he told her and she inquired about me being mad at her.
I had the gut feeling something was going on but she was so grossly obese, missfortunate in looks with greasy hair and had a weird ...smell she covered in heavy perfume (which he hates perfume and all girly things) that i never thought he would be involved physically with her. He never spoke highly of her but never was mean either.
He deleted ALL of his emails and txt messages that night so when I went to check for more from her there was nothing. HUGE RED FLAG! I didn't know what to do.
She phoned our house after 2 weeks and so i freaked out that he hadn't told her to stop. I posted on another forum asking for help and they suggested using a deleted txt recovery program. I asked for his phone, he asked why and when I told him he freaked out about privacy and such. He has NEVER had concerns over privacy before so I always trusted him.
He admitted they had kissed a bunch but he basically stood there why she did everything for a few seconds.
That was the start of trickle truthing me for the next 2 days during which we didn't sleep. Basically it was a lot of making out before and after work, and some mutual stuff with hands on bits in the car after helping his best friend move (while my cat was dying of cancer) and her getting naked at her house trying to get him to sleep with her.
I called my sister for help and he kept shouting out "you told me to stay friends with her", "you made me take her to my friends house moving", "it was your idea to involve her in our anniversary" and so forth while i was on the phone with my sister.
I screamed at him to shut up and i didn't know they were involved. I didn't have all of the info to make an informed decision!
Several more day of talking and so much truth I had to discover on my own. I checked the phone logs to find out he had been calling her everyday before he worked for 1 hour to chat. The day after my cat died he spent 4 hours on the phone with her (he was supposed to be at work where no mobiles allowed). He was spending his full plans $500 per month total on just calling her. He was aggressive from the first month and amped it up in the month before the incident in the car. It was obvious he was super into it and not just passive like he claimed to be. After I told him to cut off the friendship with her, he had still been calling her everyday.
He said he couldn't break it off with her because he was worried she would tell me and he didn't want to hurt me... and planned on taking it to the grave.
I cant recover the txts because he gave me the phone they were on when he demanded a new one because the old ones battery was dead. It wasn't dead because he spent so much time on the phone with her running it down... I did a full factory wipe meaning everything was written over as empty. Not recoverable.
Everything about herself turned out to be a lie. I had pointed several things out in the year but he never cared.
It seems he does have a high sex drive, masturbates regularly and watches porn all of which he said wasn't true in the past (I don't care, i hate the lying part).
His facebook messages were full of "i love you" and "miss you" at the girls from his last work place. All much more honest and heartfelt than he had ever said to me. In hindsight he has had many emotional affairs over the years. 7 girls that I can remember some right in front of me. Basically he flirts with everyone and the girls that respond he focuses on intensely. He hates the rest and makes mean comments about them to me. He ignores me mostly (except when he wants dinner or sex) and just talks about them all day long. He makes excuses to go see them but never talks to them on the phone in front of me. Anytime he introduces me to them its always straight up, this is my gf/wife. Probably to stop them from acting inappropriately towards him in front of me...
He calls them his friends and gets upset if i dont approve claiming im just trying to keep him from having friends.
It gets stupid until the point where they get married and all communication becomes one sided with him attempting to visit them. He has never been invited to any of their weddings.
I asked him how he treated them was any different to the physical affair girl and he said it wasn't.
There is also another girl he was treating the same still at his work. She is only 20, almost half his age. He claims she doesn't work with him but is conveniently not photographing the page with her work shifts on it anymore.
There is also a 16 year old girl he had been making uncomfortable at the volunteer group I had him go to. He claimed he wasn't but it was obvious to everyone. I'm concerned about her.
The girl he got physical with keeps approaching him at his work (His boss went out of her way to keep the affair girl away from him), leaving voicemail messages, driving past my house (i'm an hour away, on a no-through road in the middle of nowhere) and emailing me. She is acting like she thinks we are all conspiring to keep him away from her. She even planned a surprise reunion for him with her at his workplace and tries to tell me to just let him work with her because she is quitting (still hasn't).
Ive been his mommy replacement (he doesn't treat her any better) while he runs off and has fun, at the same time crushing any ability for me to have fun or hopes/dreams that could make me realize how much of an ass he has been.
My sister has stopped being supportive of me and now asking him how he is coping, telling me to not be hard on him and to not drag it out for any longer than a month. Its only been a month. He seems to have this weird affect on women and they always jump to his side...
Ive cut off contact with my sister for now, can see how huge of a doormat ive been (there is plenty more mistreatment including physical not related to infidelity) and am making huge changes in my attitude and life.
He claims he is truly sorry and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. That he didn't realize how important I was to him until now. So i have given him a chance with simple terms.
1. I told him I wanted him to go to the doctor for a medical, get check for stds (it was clear) and get a referral to a psychiatrist since there are a lot of other problems as well as this infidelity issue. He was devastated that he was found mentally sound and has no excuses for his behaviors. He has another appointment with both the doctor and the psychiatrist at the start of the year. His thyroid is very low so that may be an issue with his moods at least. He has been questioning why he even needs a psychiatrist or therapist since he isn't mentally ill...uugggh!
2. He promised to defer to me on his behaviors towards people and claims he has made improvements with everyone at work. He isn't treating it like his playground and seems to be making real friends with all of the guys. Something he claimed he never could do because they were all too caveman like... (aka they didnt put up with his **** because they didnt want to sleep with him).
3. I told him how important xmas and my birthday was and i wanted him to go out of his way to get me something small. He claimed he had no idea what to get and so didn't... He spent his birthday and xmas the past few days with his family while i was home alone (I have no family or friends and he had the car with no public transport here).
He offered me a box of candy his family gave him (for him not me) when i called him out on not thinking about me for xmas even when I'm about to divorce him. He said he is going to return some of the items his mom bought him for his birthday and let me pick out something (money is NOT and issue, is the lack of thought!).
4. Tell his family we are married. He claims they will be mad at him or disown him for marrying me. They have hated me from early on but because of him (long story).
5.Spend time with our cats he claims to love and don't ignore the sick/dying cat when she is desperate for a cuddle. Stop yelling at them and being rough.
6. Learn the kind of person I am. He doesn't even know any of my likes/dislikes/hope dreams because he has always ignored them or dismissed them. Support me in my career choices instead of tearing me down.
7. Stop the massive amount of verbal/emotional abuse he has been dishing out (yes i have been a huge doormat) and treat me at least decently.
8. Stop being so hateful and negative all of the time towards himself, me and everyone who doesn't fall for his flirting.
9. Show me he cares about me, don't just talk about how he thinks it. Words are cheap.
He has been given two months to show improvement.
One month in and he is still treating me less than he ever treated them. He is never excited to speak to me, spend time with me, flirt, laugh, joke, care if im sick, sad etc. He just hates on himself, talks about me leaving him and does his usual "but i always think of you". He claims he has been trying hard but when questioned he said he has been vacuuming the floor and cooking his own food (im on strike for the first time in 17 years) and that's it!
The only things I know are true are the phone bill, email message and the Facebook messages. He could be lying to me on everything else and I wouldn't know. Am considering a polygraph to add to the list of wants.
I felt disgusted Ive had sex with him since finding out and that he did to me what he had described doing to her without even checking it was ok with me. I feel used and like a stupid doormat.
Am i being unreasonable in my demands? I feel like im just asking him to be a reasonable human being. Is he being unreasonable in how he is treating me? Is there anything more that can be expected with his behavior? Is this typical of how someone who has cheated acts after being found out?
Note: I have had a ...rough childhood that caused mental and physical scars so if anyone wonders why i have put up with so much, that's why. I'm not after that kind of advice just an understanding of whats normal so I can make the correct decisions.
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16 years and still no trust
16 years of marriage and I still have to prove myself to my wife. I admit, the first 5 years were rough and there were some serious communication issues, but we have gotten past that...or so I thought. So here we are, 16 years into our marriage and she turns into a detective on FB when she sees a name she doesn't know. When I explain to her who the person is, she continues to dig and not believe what she sees even though what I tell her is true and everything she finds supports that truth. It seems to me that she is looking for a reason to be upset or she just doesn't trust me. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Oh, and by the way, I have tried to talk about it several times and we always end up back where we are.
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Why can't I get over him? Please help. My story.
I'd like to share my story. I hope someone can shed some light on this for me, and I hope I can return the favor when time heals my pain - but for now, the days are standing still - and I think something is wrong. I'm starting to feel like I will never "get over him". I think I'm being punished somehow and this is my fate for the rest of my life. I wish I could say, this just happened a month ago - but it's been much longer. It's been just shy of 5 months, and I'm still on this roller coaster of emotions. Why?! This can't be normal. I've taken all the right steps. I've been to therapy once a week, for the entire 5 months (this alone is becoming pricey!). I've been put on medication to help me overcome my situational depression/anxiety. I've read many books. I have supportive family and friends. I honestly think I'm incapable of moving on, and what kills me the most is - I allow him to place the blame on me. I don't let him know, I accept it - bu t, I find myself telling myself over and over - If I only..... this, If I only.... that. Was I that bad of a wife? Was it the fighting we did (that is what he blames it on)? Should've I lost weight? Should've I this, Should've I that? It's never ending.
Sometimes I think I'm moving on. I feel like I've been through all the stages - only to find myself back at the beginning again.
I wrote out my story, but I can't seem to make it short enough, it's just so long - and I don't want to over-do my welcome. lol. This is still long, but I don't know how else to shorten it.
My story, is the result of infidelity. All the signs were there (taking her out to lunch, exercising/weight lifting, cleaning his car extra well, new clothes/colognes, never leaving his phone out of sight, deleting texts (locking it with password), staying late for work), he even admitted it looked like an affair - and then he began admitting he was letting it look like that on purpose just to hurt me. The stress and jealousy that resulted from it, caused more fighting than ever before. Which, he now blames the divorce on - not the affair. The fighting. Yet, he clearly admits, he tried to hurt me on purpose. What was I supposed to do, sit back and let him emotionally abuse me and keep my mouth shut?
I finally asked him to seek counseling more than once, he told me no - every single time. I asked him to stop seeing her, he told me no - they were friends, and the woman he married (me) would never ask him to stop being friends with someone. Blamed me, for turning into a "B" because I was jealous. I finally told him, if I told you - Her or Me? What would you do? He told me, Her. Because, again - I was no longer the woman he married, the woman he married wouldn't tell him to kick a friend to the curb. I said, well the man I married wouldn't put another woman over his wife. I let it go... Probably for another 2 months, because I truly truly didn't want to lose him. I tried everything, in my power to make it work. However, he never tried. It got worse, he started buying her gifts and took her out to lunch every single day (debt was climbing!). My pain and hurt got worse... and it just caused me to fight, b/c I was in so much pain of losing my husband to someone and I had no control over it. I finally told him, "One more chance, her or me?" and he said Her - I want a Divorce. I said, OK When are you leaving? He said Now. I said, Bye. I took my son, and I left. When I got home, he was gone. Everything.
I regret that now. Because, I feel like - I should've kept trying, or maybe I should've just been OK with it. Because at least now, I wouldn't be hurting like I am now. At least I wouldn't be alone. At least I would have someone to lay next to in bed at night. At least my son would have his Dad here. The list goes on and on.
It was very nasty for awhile, after he moved out. I hated it, the nasty was bad, it was painful. Now, that has stopped. He has truly moved on with this other woman (it's either her, or another one - not sure exactly) - I know it was her for a long while, b/c he moved in with her for awhile - but I know he doesn't live there now. He ignores me now, and he refuses to be civil in any way - just complete ignore. I guess that is what I'm struggling over - b/c at least the negative attention, was attention. Now there is none. It doesn't make sense, but it's the only thing I can think of??
God.. this doesn't make sense. I don't understand why he can't apologize, why he can't accept blame, why he never tried to reconcile with his wife of 14 years who he shared a child with. How can he give up this life, and everything we had/share - for a woman he only knew for 6 months? He not once, not even a little bit --- tried to make things work. It's like, he simply doesn't care - I'm dead to him. He even wrote that to me in an email not too long ago "You are nothing to me, you have no part in my life in any way shape or form".
Sometimes I think I'm moving on. I feel like I've been through all the stages - only to find myself back at the beginning again.
I wrote out my story, but I can't seem to make it short enough, it's just so long - and I don't want to over-do my welcome. lol. This is still long, but I don't know how else to shorten it.
My story, is the result of infidelity. All the signs were there (taking her out to lunch, exercising/weight lifting, cleaning his car extra well, new clothes/colognes, never leaving his phone out of sight, deleting texts (locking it with password), staying late for work), he even admitted it looked like an affair - and then he began admitting he was letting it look like that on purpose just to hurt me. The stress and jealousy that resulted from it, caused more fighting than ever before. Which, he now blames the divorce on - not the affair. The fighting. Yet, he clearly admits, he tried to hurt me on purpose. What was I supposed to do, sit back and let him emotionally abuse me and keep my mouth shut?
I finally asked him to seek counseling more than once, he told me no - every single time. I asked him to stop seeing her, he told me no - they were friends, and the woman he married (me) would never ask him to stop being friends with someone. Blamed me, for turning into a "B" because I was jealous. I finally told him, if I told you - Her or Me? What would you do? He told me, Her. Because, again - I was no longer the woman he married, the woman he married wouldn't tell him to kick a friend to the curb. I said, well the man I married wouldn't put another woman over his wife. I let it go... Probably for another 2 months, because I truly truly didn't want to lose him. I tried everything, in my power to make it work. However, he never tried. It got worse, he started buying her gifts and took her out to lunch every single day (debt was climbing!). My pain and hurt got worse... and it just caused me to fight, b/c I was in so much pain of losing my husband to someone and I had no control over it. I finally told him, "One more chance, her or me?" and he said Her - I want a Divorce. I said, OK When are you leaving? He said Now. I said, Bye. I took my son, and I left. When I got home, he was gone. Everything.
I regret that now. Because, I feel like - I should've kept trying, or maybe I should've just been OK with it. Because at least now, I wouldn't be hurting like I am now. At least I wouldn't be alone. At least I would have someone to lay next to in bed at night. At least my son would have his Dad here. The list goes on and on.
It was very nasty for awhile, after he moved out. I hated it, the nasty was bad, it was painful. Now, that has stopped. He has truly moved on with this other woman (it's either her, or another one - not sure exactly) - I know it was her for a long while, b/c he moved in with her for awhile - but I know he doesn't live there now. He ignores me now, and he refuses to be civil in any way - just complete ignore. I guess that is what I'm struggling over - b/c at least the negative attention, was attention. Now there is none. It doesn't make sense, but it's the only thing I can think of??
God.. this doesn't make sense. I don't understand why he can't apologize, why he can't accept blame, why he never tried to reconcile with his wife of 14 years who he shared a child with. How can he give up this life, and everything we had/share - for a woman he only knew for 6 months? He not once, not even a little bit --- tried to make things work. It's like, he simply doesn't care - I'm dead to him. He even wrote that to me in an email not too long ago "You are nothing to me, you have no part in my life in any way shape or form".
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Is bugging a phone easy or hard?
How hard is it to bug a cellphone?
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my wife says she has no feelings for me anymore.
Hello all, my wife told me 7 dayes ago that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I broke down and asking her to please give me a chance to fix it. She agreed to give me a chance. The big issue is my attitude, I know its going to take longer than a week for our relationship to be fixed but since she exploded and told me how she felt, I've changed my attitude, I don't raise my voice, I dont get smart about anything. I've not once metioned the things she does wrong in our relationship because it's not about her, it's about me. I know it's my fault. I neglected her, never showed her how much I appreciate her. She would always ask me to hold her at night, and I would complain about it because it was uncomfortable for me to lay on my side and try to sleep. Tonight, we sit down and talked, I've promised her I'm changing for the good and she said shes afraid I'll just go back to the bad me in a few months. I told her im changing for good and she t old me she doesn't know if me changing for good will be enough. She told me she has no feelings for me, that the only reason she hasn't left the house yet is because the kid(hers from a previous relationship but I'm daddy to them) and she knows I'd do something stupid if she left. I asked her if she could dig deep down inside and find it in her to give me 1 more chance with her heart. She said "I'm still here aren't I?" Yea, she's still there but only because the kids and the fear that I would hurt myself, I want her still her because she wants the old "us" back. I asked her to think about it and let me know if she can truly give me another chance and I'm still waiting on that reply. I need some advice on what to do to regain her trust and love. I've been 1 week without being able to kiss, hug, or hold my wife and it's killing me on the inside. I've cried so much it's unreal.
Also, I've gained 50 pounds since we got married almost 3 years ago I'm working on lossing that weight (down 7.4 pounds this first week). I also asked if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling and she said no she wasn't going to any type of counseling. Sorry for any misspelled words or any errors, I'm using a phone to type this and I'm crying at the same time.. PLEASE help me save my family.
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Also, I've gained 50 pounds since we got married almost 3 years ago I'm working on lossing that weight (down 7.4 pounds this first week). I also asked if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling and she said no she wasn't going to any type of counseling. Sorry for any misspelled words or any errors, I'm using a phone to type this and I'm crying at the same time.. PLEASE help me save my family.
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Punishing my 15 year old daughter?
I have a super 15 year old daughter. She is very smart, organized, and wise beyond her years. No drugs...
She is in a "smart school" for lack of a better term that she had to test into to get in. A student....And she will do what I ask of her without pushback.
Now, she is 15 so she does give off some attitude. I straighten her out verbally when she needs it and it usually works.
Basically, because she is mature, helpful, driven, she gets tons of PRIVLAGES.
She is aware of the deal. I make her life easy as long as I can trust her and she is respectful.
So I caught her in a harmless lie the other week and I was pissed but I let it go with just a stern look.
Then she lied to me about wearing her braces rubber bands.
Today she said she had taken her eye drops that were prescribed for her. She said she did but she could not have because they were in my purse.
Now I am mad and punishment will be strong.
No ski club for a month
No iPhone for a month
No IPAD for a month
No driving for a month (she has her learners permit)
No friends for a month
No weekly youth group with her church for a month. (Her life blood)
She has a trip in April for school I just paid $600.00 for and I am thinking about canceling her trip and deying that PRIVlage too.
Also, the moth is not concrete. These PRIVLAGES will have to be earned back.
I don't want her to be sitting around moping and hating me, I would like some sort of work penance too.
I have things around the house in good shape but I want her to have to babysit for free or walk old lady's dogs, or help out somewhere.
She has a chronic infection so I can't have her around a lot of people.
Any suggestions?
My daughter gets the moon every day. This needs to sober her to what her actions have cost her.
She is in a "smart school" for lack of a better term that she had to test into to get in. A student....And she will do what I ask of her without pushback.
Now, she is 15 so she does give off some attitude. I straighten her out verbally when she needs it and it usually works.
Basically, because she is mature, helpful, driven, she gets tons of PRIVLAGES.
She is aware of the deal. I make her life easy as long as I can trust her and she is respectful.
So I caught her in a harmless lie the other week and I was pissed but I let it go with just a stern look.
Then she lied to me about wearing her braces rubber bands.
Today she said she had taken her eye drops that were prescribed for her. She said she did but she could not have because they were in my purse.
Now I am mad and punishment will be strong.
No ski club for a month
No iPhone for a month
No IPAD for a month
No driving for a month (she has her learners permit)
No friends for a month
No weekly youth group with her church for a month. (Her life blood)
She has a trip in April for school I just paid $600.00 for and I am thinking about canceling her trip and deying that PRIVlage too.
Also, the moth is not concrete. These PRIVLAGES will have to be earned back.
I don't want her to be sitting around moping and hating me, I would like some sort of work penance too.
I have things around the house in good shape but I want her to have to babysit for free or walk old lady's dogs, or help out somewhere.
She has a chronic infection so I can't have her around a lot of people.
Any suggestions?
My daughter gets the moon every day. This needs to sober her to what her actions have cost her.
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feeling better
It all started when we were supposed to get a 5,000 tax return and he said we lost it to the government due to something from the past. It made no sense but i trusted him. Then he wants to talk to me about this car he wants which looks like a super deal so i say go ahead and get it. He leaves out the fact that he signed on for A 23% INTEREST RATE. Mind you i have excellent credit and could have bought it. Anyway, he confessed that we didn't actually owe the government anything he just wanted to take the money to out down on the car so i thought he got a better deal on it. Meanwhile we owe my dad 3,000 he graciously loaned us to close on our house and HE KNEW THATs WHAT THE MONEY WAS FOR and spent it anyway. It was a year ago and there hasnt been too many problems since but i am still so livid about it and angry. Its been over a year.
Ive decided to leave and feel way better
Ive decided to leave and feel way better
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feeling better
It all started when we were supposed to get a 5,000 tax return and he said we lost it to the government due to something from the past. It made no sense but i trusted him. Then he wants to talk to me about this car he wants which looks like a super deal so i say go ahead and get it. He leaves out the fact that he signed on for A 23% INTEREST RATE. Mind you i have excellent credit and could have bought it. Anyway, he confessed that we didn't actually owe the government anything he just wanted to take the money to out down on the car so i thought he got a better deal on it. Meanwhile we owe my dad 3,000 he graciously loaned us to close on our house and HE KNEW THATs WHAT THE MONEY WAS FOR and spent it anyway. It was a year ago and there hasn't been too many problems since but i am still so livid about it and angry. Its been over a year. He had done something like this in the past and i wasn't willing to bet my life on it not happening again so i threw him o ut. Thoughts?
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sister in law has me baffled
Warning, long post!!
Soo...this has been bugging my mind for a while now, i thought i was being over sensitive but i think there is something odd going on with my sister in law and me.
For starters Ive been with my husband more than 5 years (dating included)...shes the loud type, often cranky who isnt afraid to speak her mind...but overall a good person who cares deeply for her family. Our relationship is the " passive aggresive love hate attitude" if i have to label it.
The thing is, she is both nice and mean to me in subtle ways. For example, ever since i started dating her brother, shes always made fun of me in front of everyone, sometimes even shushes me. Her family laughs because
" thats how she is" and ive even fought with my husband over it so that he doesnt join in the laughter because i dont like it. In front of everyone i just laugh it off because i refuse to make a scene or give her the satisfaction of seeing me affected by it.
Then i noticed she neverrr wants to take pictures with me. She takes pics with other people a lot, even her other sister in law, and her step sister she supposedly doesnt like at all! but never with me. I dont really care about it, i just find it a little off.
Shes very expressive when she cares about someone for what ive seen in social media...shell say "love you" to her friends and family, including my other sister in law...but not me. The one time she was in a pic with another dear friend of mine, i commented "love you guys" and she responded "well i dont love you lol" which made me feel as if she doesnt like me.
Sometimes she forgets to tag me in family pics...idk.
When it was our wedding, she titled her fb album under " 'brothers name' wedding" and there wasnt a single pic with me, the bride!...and she was one of my bridesmaids! (trust me, there were plenty of pics with me, but she chose not to include them). When it was her other brothers wedding, she included both the bride and grooms name and pleeenty of pics with the bride. That made me feel excluded. But i try to pay it no mind. (this, too, is weird because when we are not around my brother in law and his wife, she talks about how she doesnt like this and that about her etc)
Mind you, i have never spoken bad to her, im very careful with what i say and im often the quiet type (my resting ***** face might not help though)
Here comes the weird thing.
She does really nice things for me like she drove me around for some wedding errands when i didnt have a car, she offered herself to give me rides too! Shes not afraid to jokingly call me a ***** (i do it too, its in light humor, how friends normally do) She defends me when my husband "bullies" me...she hangs out mosly with my hubby and i as we are closest in distance and age.
SO I CANT FIGURE HER OUT.
Am i being too sensitive? Am i onto something?
I dont plan to call her out on it because i really want to avoid awkwardness.
Any ideas guys??
Soo...this has been bugging my mind for a while now, i thought i was being over sensitive but i think there is something odd going on with my sister in law and me.
For starters Ive been with my husband more than 5 years (dating included)...shes the loud type, often cranky who isnt afraid to speak her mind...but overall a good person who cares deeply for her family. Our relationship is the " passive aggresive love hate attitude" if i have to label it.
The thing is, she is both nice and mean to me in subtle ways. For example, ever since i started dating her brother, shes always made fun of me in front of everyone, sometimes even shushes me. Her family laughs because
" thats how she is" and ive even fought with my husband over it so that he doesnt join in the laughter because i dont like it. In front of everyone i just laugh it off because i refuse to make a scene or give her the satisfaction of seeing me affected by it.
Then i noticed she neverrr wants to take pictures with me. She takes pics with other people a lot, even her other sister in law, and her step sister she supposedly doesnt like at all! but never with me. I dont really care about it, i just find it a little off.
Shes very expressive when she cares about someone for what ive seen in social media...shell say "love you" to her friends and family, including my other sister in law...but not me. The one time she was in a pic with another dear friend of mine, i commented "love you guys" and she responded "well i dont love you lol" which made me feel as if she doesnt like me.
Sometimes she forgets to tag me in family pics...idk.
When it was our wedding, she titled her fb album under " 'brothers name' wedding" and there wasnt a single pic with me, the bride!...and she was one of my bridesmaids! (trust me, there were plenty of pics with me, but she chose not to include them). When it was her other brothers wedding, she included both the bride and grooms name and pleeenty of pics with the bride. That made me feel excluded. But i try to pay it no mind. (this, too, is weird because when we are not around my brother in law and his wife, she talks about how she doesnt like this and that about her etc)
Mind you, i have never spoken bad to her, im very careful with what i say and im often the quiet type (my resting ***** face might not help though)
Here comes the weird thing.
She does really nice things for me like she drove me around for some wedding errands when i didnt have a car, she offered herself to give me rides too! Shes not afraid to jokingly call me a ***** (i do it too, its in light humor, how friends normally do) She defends me when my husband "bullies" me...she hangs out mosly with my hubby and i as we are closest in distance and age.
SO I CANT FIGURE HER OUT.
Am i being too sensitive? Am i onto something?
I dont plan to call her out on it because i really want to avoid awkwardness.
Any ideas guys??
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