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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
my wife says she has no feelings for me anymore.
Hello all, my wife told me 7 dayes ago that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I broke down and asking her to please give me a chance to fix it. She agreed to give me a chance. The big issue is my attitude, I know its going to take longer than a week for our relationship to be fixed but since she exploded and told me how she felt, I've changed my attitude, I don't raise my voice, I dont get smart about anything. I've not once metioned the things she does wrong in our relationship because it's not about her, it's about me. I know it's my fault. I neglected her, never showed her how much I appreciate her. She would always ask me to hold her at night, and I would complain about it because it was uncomfortable for me to lay on my side and try to sleep. Tonight, we sit down and talked, I've promised her I'm changing for the good and she said shes afraid I'll just go back to the bad me in a few months. I told her im changing for good and she t old me she doesn't know if me changing for good will be enough. She told me she has no feelings for me, that the only reason she hasn't left the house yet is because the kid(hers from a previous relationship but I'm daddy to them) and she knows I'd do something stupid if she left. I asked her if she could dig deep down inside and find it in her to give me 1 more chance with her heart. She said "I'm still here aren't I?" Yea, she's still there but only because the kids and the fear that I would hurt myself, I want her still her because she wants the old "us" back. I asked her to think about it and let me know if she can truly give me another chance and I'm still waiting on that reply. I need some advice on what to do to regain her trust and love. I've been 1 week without being able to kiss, hug, or hold my wife and it's killing me on the inside. I've cried so much it's unreal.
Also, I've gained 50 pounds since we got married almost 3 years ago I'm working on lossing that weight (down 7.4 pounds this first week). I also asked if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling and she said no she wasn't going to any type of counseling. Sorry for any misspelled words or any errors, I'm using a phone to type this and I'm crying at the same time.. PLEASE help me save my family.
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Also, I've gained 50 pounds since we got married almost 3 years ago I'm working on lossing that weight (down 7.4 pounds this first week). I also asked if she would be willing to go to marriage counseling and she said no she wasn't going to any type of counseling. Sorry for any misspelled words or any errors, I'm using a phone to type this and I'm crying at the same time.. PLEASE help me save my family.
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Punishing my 15 year old daughter?
I have a super 15 year old daughter. She is very smart, organized, and wise beyond her years. No drugs...
She is in a "smart school" for lack of a better term that she had to test into to get in. A student....And she will do what I ask of her without pushback.
Now, she is 15 so she does give off some attitude. I straighten her out verbally when she needs it and it usually works.
Basically, because she is mature, helpful, driven, she gets tons of PRIVLAGES.
She is aware of the deal. I make her life easy as long as I can trust her and she is respectful.
So I caught her in a harmless lie the other week and I was pissed but I let it go with just a stern look.
Then she lied to me about wearing her braces rubber bands.
Today she said she had taken her eye drops that were prescribed for her. She said she did but she could not have because they were in my purse.
Now I am mad and punishment will be strong.
No ski club for a month
No iPhone for a month
No IPAD for a month
No driving for a month (she has her learners permit)
No friends for a month
No weekly youth group with her church for a month. (Her life blood)
She has a trip in April for school I just paid $600.00 for and I am thinking about canceling her trip and deying that PRIVlage too.
Also, the moth is not concrete. These PRIVLAGES will have to be earned back.
I don't want her to be sitting around moping and hating me, I would like some sort of work penance too.
I have things around the house in good shape but I want her to have to babysit for free or walk old lady's dogs, or help out somewhere.
She has a chronic infection so I can't have her around a lot of people.
Any suggestions?
My daughter gets the moon every day. This needs to sober her to what her actions have cost her.
She is in a "smart school" for lack of a better term that she had to test into to get in. A student....And she will do what I ask of her without pushback.
Now, she is 15 so she does give off some attitude. I straighten her out verbally when she needs it and it usually works.
Basically, because she is mature, helpful, driven, she gets tons of PRIVLAGES.
She is aware of the deal. I make her life easy as long as I can trust her and she is respectful.
So I caught her in a harmless lie the other week and I was pissed but I let it go with just a stern look.
Then she lied to me about wearing her braces rubber bands.
Today she said she had taken her eye drops that were prescribed for her. She said she did but she could not have because they were in my purse.
Now I am mad and punishment will be strong.
No ski club for a month
No iPhone for a month
No IPAD for a month
No driving for a month (she has her learners permit)
No friends for a month
No weekly youth group with her church for a month. (Her life blood)
She has a trip in April for school I just paid $600.00 for and I am thinking about canceling her trip and deying that PRIVlage too.
Also, the moth is not concrete. These PRIVLAGES will have to be earned back.
I don't want her to be sitting around moping and hating me, I would like some sort of work penance too.
I have things around the house in good shape but I want her to have to babysit for free or walk old lady's dogs, or help out somewhere.
She has a chronic infection so I can't have her around a lot of people.
Any suggestions?
My daughter gets the moon every day. This needs to sober her to what her actions have cost her.
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feeling better
It all started when we were supposed to get a 5,000 tax return and he said we lost it to the government due to something from the past. It made no sense but i trusted him. Then he wants to talk to me about this car he wants which looks like a super deal so i say go ahead and get it. He leaves out the fact that he signed on for A 23% INTEREST RATE. Mind you i have excellent credit and could have bought it. Anyway, he confessed that we didn't actually owe the government anything he just wanted to take the money to out down on the car so i thought he got a better deal on it. Meanwhile we owe my dad 3,000 he graciously loaned us to close on our house and HE KNEW THATs WHAT THE MONEY WAS FOR and spent it anyway. It was a year ago and there hasnt been too many problems since but i am still so livid about it and angry. Its been over a year.
Ive decided to leave and feel way better
Ive decided to leave and feel way better
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feeling better
It all started when we were supposed to get a 5,000 tax return and he said we lost it to the government due to something from the past. It made no sense but i trusted him. Then he wants to talk to me about this car he wants which looks like a super deal so i say go ahead and get it. He leaves out the fact that he signed on for A 23% INTEREST RATE. Mind you i have excellent credit and could have bought it. Anyway, he confessed that we didn't actually owe the government anything he just wanted to take the money to out down on the car so i thought he got a better deal on it. Meanwhile we owe my dad 3,000 he graciously loaned us to close on our house and HE KNEW THATs WHAT THE MONEY WAS FOR and spent it anyway. It was a year ago and there hasn't been too many problems since but i am still so livid about it and angry. Its been over a year. He had done something like this in the past and i wasn't willing to bet my life on it not happening again so i threw him o ut. Thoughts?
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sister in law has me baffled
Warning, long post!!
Soo...this has been bugging my mind for a while now, i thought i was being over sensitive but i think there is something odd going on with my sister in law and me.
For starters Ive been with my husband more than 5 years (dating included)...shes the loud type, often cranky who isnt afraid to speak her mind...but overall a good person who cares deeply for her family. Our relationship is the " passive aggresive love hate attitude" if i have to label it.
The thing is, she is both nice and mean to me in subtle ways. For example, ever since i started dating her brother, shes always made fun of me in front of everyone, sometimes even shushes me. Her family laughs because
" thats how she is" and ive even fought with my husband over it so that he doesnt join in the laughter because i dont like it. In front of everyone i just laugh it off because i refuse to make a scene or give her the satisfaction of seeing me affected by it.
Then i noticed she neverrr wants to take pictures with me. She takes pics with other people a lot, even her other sister in law, and her step sister she supposedly doesnt like at all! but never with me. I dont really care about it, i just find it a little off.
Shes very expressive when she cares about someone for what ive seen in social media...shell say "love you" to her friends and family, including my other sister in law...but not me. The one time she was in a pic with another dear friend of mine, i commented "love you guys" and she responded "well i dont love you lol" which made me feel as if she doesnt like me.
Sometimes she forgets to tag me in family pics...idk.
When it was our wedding, she titled her fb album under " 'brothers name' wedding" and there wasnt a single pic with me, the bride!...and she was one of my bridesmaids! (trust me, there were plenty of pics with me, but she chose not to include them). When it was her other brothers wedding, she included both the bride and grooms name and pleeenty of pics with the bride. That made me feel excluded. But i try to pay it no mind. (this, too, is weird because when we are not around my brother in law and his wife, she talks about how she doesnt like this and that about her etc)
Mind you, i have never spoken bad to her, im very careful with what i say and im often the quiet type (my resting ***** face might not help though)
Here comes the weird thing.
She does really nice things for me like she drove me around for some wedding errands when i didnt have a car, she offered herself to give me rides too! Shes not afraid to jokingly call me a ***** (i do it too, its in light humor, how friends normally do) She defends me when my husband "bullies" me...she hangs out mosly with my hubby and i as we are closest in distance and age.
SO I CANT FIGURE HER OUT.
Am i being too sensitive? Am i onto something?
I dont plan to call her out on it because i really want to avoid awkwardness.
Any ideas guys??
Soo...this has been bugging my mind for a while now, i thought i was being over sensitive but i think there is something odd going on with my sister in law and me.
For starters Ive been with my husband more than 5 years (dating included)...shes the loud type, often cranky who isnt afraid to speak her mind...but overall a good person who cares deeply for her family. Our relationship is the " passive aggresive love hate attitude" if i have to label it.
The thing is, she is both nice and mean to me in subtle ways. For example, ever since i started dating her brother, shes always made fun of me in front of everyone, sometimes even shushes me. Her family laughs because
" thats how she is" and ive even fought with my husband over it so that he doesnt join in the laughter because i dont like it. In front of everyone i just laugh it off because i refuse to make a scene or give her the satisfaction of seeing me affected by it.
Then i noticed she neverrr wants to take pictures with me. She takes pics with other people a lot, even her other sister in law, and her step sister she supposedly doesnt like at all! but never with me. I dont really care about it, i just find it a little off.
Shes very expressive when she cares about someone for what ive seen in social media...shell say "love you" to her friends and family, including my other sister in law...but not me. The one time she was in a pic with another dear friend of mine, i commented "love you guys" and she responded "well i dont love you lol" which made me feel as if she doesnt like me.
Sometimes she forgets to tag me in family pics...idk.
When it was our wedding, she titled her fb album under " 'brothers name' wedding" and there wasnt a single pic with me, the bride!...and she was one of my bridesmaids! (trust me, there were plenty of pics with me, but she chose not to include them). When it was her other brothers wedding, she included both the bride and grooms name and pleeenty of pics with the bride. That made me feel excluded. But i try to pay it no mind. (this, too, is weird because when we are not around my brother in law and his wife, she talks about how she doesnt like this and that about her etc)
Mind you, i have never spoken bad to her, im very careful with what i say and im often the quiet type (my resting ***** face might not help though)
Here comes the weird thing.
She does really nice things for me like she drove me around for some wedding errands when i didnt have a car, she offered herself to give me rides too! Shes not afraid to jokingly call me a ***** (i do it too, its in light humor, how friends normally do) She defends me when my husband "bullies" me...she hangs out mosly with my hubby and i as we are closest in distance and age.
SO I CANT FIGURE HER OUT.
Am i being too sensitive? Am i onto something?
I dont plan to call her out on it because i really want to avoid awkwardness.
Any ideas guys??
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My wife is more interested in her sisters than our marriage
My wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have no kids. We are both in our early fifties. I have been the bread winner in the home up until this past year when I "retired" early to escape retaliatory behavior for reporting work place violence. My wife works part time, with no benefits.
My wife is the youngest in her family. Her two older sisters have lived "on the dole" off their father, who lets them live in a house he owns for free. They do not work. The two older sisters are in poor health (extreme obesity which has triggered other health problems). One sister is single mother of young teenage boy.
The two older sisters have a strong influence on my wife. It seems to me that my wife is afraid of one of the sisters, even though the sisters live far away in another state. The father is a great person and is doing pretty well for his age. The two sisters seem to complain constantly about the father, and yet he has supported them for their entire adult life (hmmm..., maybe I am seeing a pattern here...?).
Last year my wife went to go help clean up her father's home for 2 months! This caused a lot of grief in our marriage. On the one hand I see how she is close to her family, and she wants to help, on the other hand I feel that our marriage should come first. I feel guilty, or selfish, bringing this up though.
Each year my wife spends at least 2 weeks out with her sisters. What bothers me is that she is more excited, more focused on those trips, then she is at home. It feels like she is a housemate/room mate, than more of a wife. We have discussed these frequent trips of hers and how they affect our marriage, and yet each year they continue to happen. My wife knows how upset I get about them, and yet nothing changes. I am realizing that it will never change.
My wife says she likes her life here with me. We live in an nice area, in a nice home (that I bought before marriage), with nice pets. It all sees so "nice" to her. What is missing though is that I feel like I do have a true life partner. That I am just a convenience for her.
This holiday season her nephew was scheduled to have a surgery before Christmas. My wife told me she wanted to go help her sister and nephew with the surgery. I fully supported that idea and even suggested it to her first, and that she could also spend some time with her dad.
This all seemed fine since my wife would be gone the week before Christmas, and come back to be with me on Christmas. Sounded great, however, my gut instinct warned me... sure enough my wife informed me that she had to stay there during Christmas because her sisters wanted her to manage the father while they took care of the healing nephew. I expressed my discontent about this, and how I was hurt that my wife made plans to spend Christmas away from her husband, and did not jointly find a mutual solution -- instead informing me what was going to happen.
The pattern is the same each year and has been occurring for ten years or more of our marriage. The focus more on trips back home, than in sharing time together, or doing our own trips together.
We discussed our differences over this (again.., and again...) and nothing gets resolved. I finally told her that our marriage seems to be very bad and we should consider divorce, seriously. I do not want to be with someone who is not first most present in our marriage -- and is instead focused on her sisters and their dysfunctions.
Although I feel clear writing this down, I often question whether I am not being flexible, or I am being too selfish, etc. I hear that from my wife, who says " I should support her in these times of challenge".
I am afraid at this point. Being out of work, and trying to start a new career, and considering divorce at the same time, sounds insane to me. Life does throw us curve balls though, and in the end the survivors come out stronger.
Do I think things will change with her? No. I wish they would, however after 10 years of repeat behavior, and with the past few times we almost split up, and yet she continues with these frequent trips.
I think it is time to move on, hopefully find someone who is a true partner. This does not feel like a partnership to me.
Being alone this Christmas has been hard, however, it has been a good time to reflect on what is real and not real in my marriage.
I also wonder if I am making a "mountain out of a mole hill"...? My gut instinct says I am not. It is becoming all too familiar.
I appreciate hearing others views on this situation. Thank you.
My wife is the youngest in her family. Her two older sisters have lived "on the dole" off their father, who lets them live in a house he owns for free. They do not work. The two older sisters are in poor health (extreme obesity which has triggered other health problems). One sister is single mother of young teenage boy.
The two older sisters have a strong influence on my wife. It seems to me that my wife is afraid of one of the sisters, even though the sisters live far away in another state. The father is a great person and is doing pretty well for his age. The two sisters seem to complain constantly about the father, and yet he has supported them for their entire adult life (hmmm..., maybe I am seeing a pattern here...?).
Last year my wife went to go help clean up her father's home for 2 months! This caused a lot of grief in our marriage. On the one hand I see how she is close to her family, and she wants to help, on the other hand I feel that our marriage should come first. I feel guilty, or selfish, bringing this up though.
Each year my wife spends at least 2 weeks out with her sisters. What bothers me is that she is more excited, more focused on those trips, then she is at home. It feels like she is a housemate/room mate, than more of a wife. We have discussed these frequent trips of hers and how they affect our marriage, and yet each year they continue to happen. My wife knows how upset I get about them, and yet nothing changes. I am realizing that it will never change.
My wife says she likes her life here with me. We live in an nice area, in a nice home (that I bought before marriage), with nice pets. It all sees so "nice" to her. What is missing though is that I feel like I do have a true life partner. That I am just a convenience for her.
This holiday season her nephew was scheduled to have a surgery before Christmas. My wife told me she wanted to go help her sister and nephew with the surgery. I fully supported that idea and even suggested it to her first, and that she could also spend some time with her dad.
This all seemed fine since my wife would be gone the week before Christmas, and come back to be with me on Christmas. Sounded great, however, my gut instinct warned me... sure enough my wife informed me that she had to stay there during Christmas because her sisters wanted her to manage the father while they took care of the healing nephew. I expressed my discontent about this, and how I was hurt that my wife made plans to spend Christmas away from her husband, and did not jointly find a mutual solution -- instead informing me what was going to happen.
The pattern is the same each year and has been occurring for ten years or more of our marriage. The focus more on trips back home, than in sharing time together, or doing our own trips together.
We discussed our differences over this (again.., and again...) and nothing gets resolved. I finally told her that our marriage seems to be very bad and we should consider divorce, seriously. I do not want to be with someone who is not first most present in our marriage -- and is instead focused on her sisters and their dysfunctions.
Although I feel clear writing this down, I often question whether I am not being flexible, or I am being too selfish, etc. I hear that from my wife, who says " I should support her in these times of challenge".
I am afraid at this point. Being out of work, and trying to start a new career, and considering divorce at the same time, sounds insane to me. Life does throw us curve balls though, and in the end the survivors come out stronger.
Do I think things will change with her? No. I wish they would, however after 10 years of repeat behavior, and with the past few times we almost split up, and yet she continues with these frequent trips.
I think it is time to move on, hopefully find someone who is a true partner. This does not feel like a partnership to me.
Being alone this Christmas has been hard, however, it has been a good time to reflect on what is real and not real in my marriage.
I also wonder if I am making a "mountain out of a mole hill"...? My gut instinct says I am not. It is becoming all too familiar.
I appreciate hearing others views on this situation. Thank you.
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I'm scared of falling in love.
Basically,
I fell for someone before but could never get the courage to tell him that I liked him more than a friend. As I never got an answer, I felt a little heart-broken and sad (especially as we lost contact with each other).
I got over it, but it makes me scared to fall for someone again in case I'm too slow/ too cowardly to admit my feelings. It'd be nice to be in a actual relationship as I'm 16 year old girl.
It doesn't have to be serious- just like a best friend with fun, non-mushy dates. But I have some really tall, hard, protective walls up so seem incapable of letting myself fall for a guy in the first place.
Advice?
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Seeing a girl who has a boyfriend?
Started messing around, both gained genuine feelings, now says she loves you both and can't decide..
thoughts and opinions?
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Dating a guy, he always pays. I feel bad
I've been out with a guy for about 5/6 dates now. I'm 22 and he's 23 but is quite mature for his age and has had a successful start to a career. Such a gentleman, pulling out chairs and doors, drops me off home etc. I know right now he's in between jobs because of some medical problems but he always pays. And right now, financially I'm not too bad. I always get out my purse and actually say let's just split it.
I know I should just enjoy being "woo-ed" and it's every girls dream. But I just feel bad. I always opt for the cheapest thing in the menu or herbal teas. What shall I do? I've spoken to him and he just feels so strongly that women shouldn't pay in dates and has a really big ego. Thinks he's a mans man, which I love. But I just feel like I don't want to be a financial burden on him, I know he has his mortgage issues and stuff with his car.
I've now thought, I'll cook for him and then it's win win. But what else can I do? Because we both love going out and trying new things. I know he does feel like he always wants to impress me with expensive restaurants and stuff, but I am kinda low maintenance. :$
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Is there any chance of seeing her again?
So I met this girl and we got on really well, but I broke the news to her that I am going away soon to travel for 3 months. She seemed upset at the prospect and sadly lost a bit of interest in me as I think she believes there is no future. She has also become unresponsive when texting. My dilemma therefore is whether to wait until I get back from travelling and text her to see if she wants to meet up again, or whether to leave it and move on as she may have completely lost interest in me and moved on herself. Any advice would be much appreciated.
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double rebound: help
last year I liked a guy that I didn't know that well, but was too scared to tell him. the year ended and I still didn't say anything. during summer thinking about him was completely controlling my brain. I just felt that there wasn't ever going to be anyone like him.
university started again and I met a new guy in a society and I wanted to get to know him to get my mind off the first guy. I didn't have feelings for him at first. we were talking a lot and I thought he was a good person and after a few times of seeing him(as friends) I started to get very attached to him. I eventually made it clear that I liked him, but then I realised that the feelings werent mutual. he stopped being friendly to me too after that and doesn't want to text or see me anymore and now I'm really upset because he was kind at first.
whats wrong with me? Im feeling really sad about it. what should I do now? I dont go out much anymore and stay in my room most of the time incase I see him :(
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Why does this guy keep staring at me?
There's a guy on my course who really dislikes me, he tries to put me down a lot, calling me ugly and a bitch and stuff. Other times he has been okay but mostly when he speaks to me it is to insult me. He even sometimes will butt into a conversation I'm having with someone else just to do so. I'm not sure what he has against me in particular, we don't know each other that well and haven't had a big argument about anything. There are other people he doesn't like but he doesn't actively go out to insult them like he does with me. Also, whenever I'm in a room with him, I can see him staring at me constantly and listening in on conversations I have with other people, and other people have also noticed this. It's starting to freak me out a bit. Why does he do it?
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do you think social media ruins relationships?
I can't count the amount of times I have heard someone mention seeing something on their partners Facebook/instagram they didn't like or mention a girl/guy that seemed to be paying their partner a lot of attention online. My friends girlfriend literally stopped talking to him because she didn't like the fact he liked other girls pictures, yet she has hundreds of randoms on hers and gets alot of attention which he doesn't like.
What are your thoughts? Would you mind your partner liking pictures of other girls /guys?
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Asking out a girl who thinks I'm a dick...
I put on a bit of an act to some girl friends of mine, knowing that they think it's hilarious how cocky and enigmatic I am, though I'm pretty confident they know it's tongue in cheek and I'm secretly very genuine and down-to-earth. I didn't anticipate developing feelings for one of them. I'm pretty confident she feels the same about me - crazy eye contact, making effort to be around me and directly engaging me in conversation in groups more than others - but am worried she might be apprehensive about letting herself fall too deep emotionally because of my persona.
I'm confident that once we're alone and able to chat I can show I have a deeper side than the playful act, but feel that I may need to get a little spark of it in before I could arrange a date with her.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Do I open up (possibly a bit weird/sappy/fake sounding); try to show it through behaviour (people will probably notice I'm behaving out of character); or just go for it and ask her out straight up next time I see her (my nerves will probably expose me a little)?
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